Being single is not a contageous disease

So, yeah. This girl was sick of being treated like a social leper just because she’d been dumped after Christmas. It’s not the best time to be without someone, Valentine’s Day, but that’s only if you’re constantly reminded about the fact that you are single and not dating. All of the friends you’ve been sociable with recently as part of a couple are finding your company hard to deal with when you turn up without a significant other on your arm.

It’s not like you’ve lost your wallet or your purse, is it? If you go for a meal sans beau, it’s not like you’re going to do a runner just because you’ve only got one bill to pay for. Okay, you may have to dip into your purse a little further than the rest of the party as you’ve had no one nagging you along the lines of ‘Don’t you think you’ve had enough, dear?’, but if that’s the only price, you can live with it. And so should they. But they can’t, and that’s the real issue.

The subject of your being single can be the elephant in the room, sitting in the seat opposite you where, up until recently, sat your partner. You can almost hear your girlfriend kick her fella as he’s about to ask you if you’ve had any luck on your dating site? or have you heard from ‘x’ since the split?...
…where x is the ex, obviously.

As well as your friend may have batted your corner for you over dinner from the ignorami, you know deep down that’s because she wants to check out the health and temperament of your dating welfare herself, when the two of you are on your own. It may be that you all met on your dating site and she’s itching to tell you about the guy she’s been chatting to on your behalf or, worse (if the friendship’s only recent), she could want to introduce you to a guy she had a lot of fun dating
…which then begs the question: why aren’t you still with him, then?

However, you do tend to find that a bathroom stall apart is as close as your dating friends want to get. Remember, this is leprosy and it spreads. Your happy-couple friends do not want to catch what you’ve got, no sirree!

And so it comes as no great surprise that, as the coats go on and your coupley friends are all heading back to one of their homes to talk ‘people-in-love-with-each-other’ talk, your best buddy asks what time your taxi home’s booked for…
…you make one last excuse to nip to the powder room and order that cab either screaming or crying, it could go either way.

Being a singleton is not a disease, but only to other singletons. To anyone in a relationship you are unclean. This Valentine’s Day, if you can’t meet up with someone off your dating site between now and then, remember to pop a bell around your neck, just to let everyone know you’re comin’! And how…

Single all the way

Is that the sound of Santa’s sleigh I hear jingling to a halt on the roof? No, it’s Aunt Jeanie’s two-thousand bracelets rattling on the wrist that she’ll no doubt be shaking in my direction whilst reprimanding me for still being single after she’s had a few too many QC’s. Judgement by the family is, like mulled wine, one of the things I could do without at Christmas.

There are plenty of comebacks in my repertoire, many thanks to insights from fellow dating site members. Depending upon how well I like the relative (or dislike the nosey neighbour) in question will dictate by what degree I temper the response.

Don’t get me wrong, many are expressing genuine concern that I’ve not yet found the perfect partner; others are simply reinforcing their ‘holier than thou’ viewpoint, more for the benefit, I always feel, of themselves (and others listening) than due to any real interest in my relationship status. It is my opinion that those who want to point score in this manner perhaps have their own ounce of trouble in paradise and ought to be sorting their own love life out before poking their noses into mine.

There are surveys on dating sites across the globe but, in true matchmaking fashion, the questions seem constructed to produce a set of responses from their members so that they can be neatly pigeon-holed.

The problem, I’ve often found, when asking a specific set of singles what appear random questions is that those queries can be phrased in a manner that will produce predictable results guaranteed to endorse the questionnaire’s stance on the chosen topic. Or, indeed, a different argument, totally unrelated to the survey, to which the quizmaster can reference to back up what, to the uneducated eye, appears an altogether unconnected subject.

So taking a few ‘sample’ questions, here a some witty responses from the book of Zebedeerox to either a. allay the fears of your family, or b. put your inquisitive neighbour’s nose completely out of joint:

Q1. Isn’t it about time you found someone, yet?

a. [Aunt], when I find someone like you, then maybe I’ll think about it
b. [Neighbour], every time I do, they do something that reminds me of you

Q2. By the time I was your age, we were married and had children…

a. I know, [Aunt], but who’d knowingly bring kids into this world?
b. I know – it’s looking at your brats that’s stopping me having kids of my own

Q3. You’re not getting any younger, y’know – isn’t it about time you tied the knot?

a. Nah, [Aunt]; I’m sorting my career before considering wedlock
b. Get married? With all that spare on my dating site – you’re kidding, aren’t you?

So, next time you’re at that Christmas party and you just know that the ‘single’ question is a-coming, you have your set of answers to hand.