Sex and its perceived importance in new relationships

You can guarantee that if there’s a survey in the US for singles about the off- and online dating behaviour and it comprises 135 questions, there are going to be a fair few questions about sex thrown. Bless ’em, the latest Singles in America quiz, posed to 5,000 dating site members by Match.com, didn’t disappoint.

There were the theoretical questions on the subject, such as: would you commit to someone you weren’t chemically attracted to? And there were the practical aspects for the genre, referring to limp libidos or just downright amateurish between the sheet experience transposing itself into the act. We’ll look at the theory side another day, but for this exercise, we’ll concentrate on the latter two physical aspects that could seriously jeopardise the longevity of an intimate association.

Would bad sex kill your relationship?

The jury were surprisingly split on this question with no runaway verdict either, in heterosexual or same sex relationships. However, the scenario of being with a lover who just didn’t do it for you between the sheets was slightly more of an issue for the women in both cases, according to the dating site survey.

Sorry, but here’s a bit of maths-exam stylee statistics to back that claim up.

Exactly half of straight women answered that a man who thought a G-spot may be a helping hand from a gay guy down the gym or similar asexual answer would be out the door before they got their slippers beneath the sofa. And 55% of lesbian women questioned said that if their partner was incapable of delivering the big O they would be out the door.  No excuse, really, is there?

Men were slightly less concerned, with only 44% of straight fellas saying they’d terminate proceedings if their partner turned out to be motionless and non experimental whilst they were making the grandest of gestures to satisfy their carnal cravings. And slightly more than half of gay men attested that bad sex was the be-all and end-all, with 52% reckoning they’d be on their way if their man didn’t measure up on that score.

Again, as in Darling, dirty sex doesn’t mean you don’t have to wash it, there is disparity between the age ranges taken to task over the questions.

From the mix of those surveyed, the answers point towards bad sex being more of a deal breaker to the older generation than the young. Whilst less than four in ten people in their twenties said that bad sex meant bye-bye, nearly half of those in the sixties couldn’t live without their regular supply of quality sexual attention.

Is this because, whilst you’re so young, any shortcomings and misdemeanours are overlooked in the hope that there is time to improve? Or could it be that, by the time you reach your sixties, you’ve either learnt all you’re ever going to about the art of making love and/or you know it but can no longer deliver the necessary because of physical or emotional limitations?

Whatever the underlying reason, the first step to not letting poor sex ruin a relationship that can be otherwise quite beautiful is to be able to talk freely about the matter, and not let it become a taboo subject, easier just not to talk about and lock away in a cupboard than face head on. Take the problem at hand in hand, coax it, love it, nurture it and see what grows as a result.

Surprising statistics about the US male single

American men. Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Bruce Willis. Solid, dependable, proper men. Where are their proteges?

Looking at the results of the latest dating site survey from Match.com, they’ve all gone west, by the look of things.

The men who took part in the latest questionnaire must have been all ‘modern’ man as the results attest to some traditionally feminine virtues shining through. Depending upon how you view your man’s role in a dating relationship will either have you cooing at the prospect or throwing up – I’m staying non-committal, just reporting the facts, yer-ronnah.

By the time the males had reached the tender age of 30, 58% of those participants had an undying faith in love at first sight and reckon on having had experience of just that and the accompanying emotional relationship. Compare this to just over half of the women saying the same thing, you would have to surmise the latter are either more pragmatic or leave the whole falling in love thing until a bit later on, when they have more of an idea of what they’re looking for, especially as many of that age group have grown up with dating sites. Perhaps the ladies used dating site platforms more in their adolescence and realised there were more fish in the sea whilst the guys were trying out for the football or baseball teams, who knows?

But this theme continues. A whole ten percent more of men believed it more acceptable to show their feelings in the street, with 41% open to snogging in public compared to the 31% female vote. This sort of ties in with the loneliness vote, too.

More than a quarter of men believed solitude to be a challenging element of the single life, compare to a mere 22% of women. However, loneliness overall was just shaded by the feminine vote with a third reporting it as either ‘somewhat’ or ‘very’ stressful, compared to the men of whom just 31% saw being alone as a real issue.

Perhaps the male leaning overall to the loneliness issue explains another finding that dispells one urban dating myth and that’s their fear of the ‘c’ word. Despite popular rumours, men are willing to commit to a partner who is everything they are looking for but feel no love towards (31% men, 23% women) and a similar theme to being able to commit without feeling a stirring in the groin to accompany their devotion, with 27% of men stating that they could commit to a partner they do not feel sexually attracted to compared with only 22% of women admitting the same.

Much more to come from the study tomorrow, where we’ll be looking at the physical aspects of dating and long-term relationships, such as living together, appearance, life goals and sexual orientation. Can hardly wait.