philandering fireman falls foul following fat fetish friendship

Talk about giving it large! Matt Kemp, a feisty fireman based in Chelmsford, cannot get enough of the larger ladies and was planning to marry one of the two he met on a dating site – until they found out about each other, that is.
No Battle of the Titans ensued; rather, the two largesse ladies became chubby chums after the wedding was cancelled, both freezing out the unfortunate fire-fighter.

25 year-old Amanda Hart, a mere twenty stone, compared to Matt’s twenty-two stone ‘bit’ on the side, 33 year-old Michelle Flack, truly thought that the fireman was the one, after he picked her out from other dating site profiles on matchmaking site Smooch. Amanda was under the impression that he did not mind the fact that she was so overweight, going on to say that she was even made to feel good about her excess poundage.

That was at the outset of the relationship; now, in hindsight, Amanda can see that Kemp, after making promises that she was the only one for him, can see that he only used her weight to control her. A similar promise was made to Michelle, as he told her he had no interest in slimmer girls and he like girls ‘the bigger, the better.’

It wasn’t like that after Matt and Amanda first met on the matchmaking site, though. Soon after meeting up and dating off-screen, Amanda moved Fleck in and they would cuddle and share pizza and one thing led to another and the wedding was being planned. They even went to visit the venue they had chosen to hold the reception.

However, unbeknown to the hopeful fiancée Amanda, Matt was already seeing Michelle. She is equally as reticent about the whole affair, as she was getting over a divorce when Matt approached her on the online dating pages. Making the excuse that he was working away in Chelmsford, the fireman would see her, but kept his engagement to Amanda secret.

It was only when Amanda turned up at the station to pick up Matt from one of his shifts that he was spotted with the larger of his two alternating dates, Michelle. The inevitable then happened – as Matt got into Amanda’s car, Michelle followed him and the whole plot unravelled; his fiancée said “I saw him with this other woman. A big woman – at least my size. My stomach churned.”

Following this earth-shattering event, the wedding was off and Matt was out and the two ladies have become friends, with the memory of their online dating nightmare merely a ghost from their joint past.

It’s hard to be alone at Christmas

Longer nights, shorter days. Budget stretching holidays and waking up in the dark and coming home in the dark. Remind me again what is so festive about December?

Oh, yes – spending time with loved ones: family, friends and that special ‘significant other’. If you are struggling in the relationship department, a new survey by a dating site about singles attitudes towards what they really want in their Christmas Stocking from Santa reveals love is right at the top of The List.

And whether that’s just a superficial fling or not doesn’t seem to be important, either – rather, just someone there to share the roast, eggnog and carol service would appear to be enough. If that love interest is up and away by Boxing Day, then so be it. The mission has been accomplished if, on Christmas Day, you’ve got someone there to ask ‘Has he been?’

If you are single in the run up to Christmas, exactly what is there to look forward to? Sure, your parents or kids, depending on if you’re above or below the Cougar line, or a toy-boy or sugar daddy. But you know those family parties are only going to draw patronising ‘isn’t it a shame that you’re on your own again – at Christmas, as well’ from your Aunty Jean.

Nobody likes to be alone at this time of year – if for nothing else, just so you can get some presents to decorate the base of the Christmas tree. Guys and gals – it really is time to take that plunge on the dating site – if you’ve been building up to asking someone to go out on a date, now’s the time to do it! Not in two week’s time – get in in time to truly understand what’s on your prospective dating site partner’s wish list, this yuletide.

I know for a fact that there’s a Lisa Stansfield album in Staffordshire that’s never been played – I never got to know my partner and, because I liked the Northern Lass, thought my partner would, too. I bet it’s still got the cellophane on, now, almost quarter of a century later.

If you have been building up to pop the question on the dating site you frequent and you’re holding back due to the chance of rejection, don’t! The chances are they’re just as petrified of being alone around the Christmas morning, too. Not to mention the rounds of parties, via the office or family and friends – no one likes attending those without someone on their arm.

And can you imagine Christmas dinner? All those crackers being pulled between partners and you’re left with the one to pull with the dog, who’s sat by the table, waiting for scraps. Exactly!

Stop reading this – right now – and get logged on to your dating website. Spend a bit of time adjusting your dating site profile to get the availability message out that you like turkey but don’t want to be stuffed like one and instead of pulling crackers, get pulling some crackers!

Let the real you shine through

Dating profiles are the key to success

If you want a flood of interested parties flooding your inbox with invitations to date, it’s not purely your dating profile photo that needs to be picture perfect. Hobbies, interests and even job history are all ice breakers that could have suitable prospects initiating contact instead of timewasters.

There a thousands of better than average good looking people on any dating site you care to log on to, but what lies beyond those pixels is paramount to you making a go of any desired encounter.

One of the many reasons attributed to relationships not going the distance is when the partnership becomes symbiotic, where one half relies completely on the other to survive. Living in each others pockets is a sure fire way to drown any flame before the flicker truly ignites.

But that’s not to say that that’s got to be the case.

If you are someone who gets plenty of opportunities to date but never seems to be able to follow through, it’s worth asking yourself if you are one of many devoted partners who abandons their own personality to fling themselves totally into your significant other’s lifestyle from the off.

Ask yourself why you got the invitation to meet up in the first place. It is acceptable to make some allowances when meeting up, but partners approached you on the dating website because of your personality, not your ability to mould seamlessly into theirs. Like you, if they are in it for a long-term relationship and are serious about it, they will be making allowances for you, too.

A good yardstick, if you are concerned that you may be giving up too much of yourself, is to ask your family and friends, true friends, if they notice changes in you whenever you start dating someone new.

Do you drop all of your lifelong friends in an instant? Do your other online friends think you have been abducted by aliens? Has your language become different – do you include sayings and terms that you’ve picked up from your partner that you’d never dream of using, in any other context?

If any of this rings true, then give yourself a long, hard look in the mirror. Providing that that person is the one you’ve described on your dating site profile, then that’s the person who people want to go out with.

Retain that element that is you to realise a long, rewarding partnership.

Your body speaks volumes

Why learning body language can help on dating sites

Humans are not alone as a species in the animal kingdom possessing the ability to transmit messages of love without uttering a word. Far from it, we are perhaps one of the worst. Having developed our linguistic skills to such an extent as we have and being able to connect over vast distances whilst remaining invisible to the correspondent, we have become heavily reliant upon taking people at their word. Especially on social media and dating sites, where building a relationship based on trust in the other is imperative to making the transaction work.

But, in the world of online dating, how can our comprehension of body language help us sort the wheat from the chaff?

We have already looked at patterns in dating site profiles which help detect the fraudulent from the trustworthy using the way their portray themselves. Another way to digest information using textual content is when utilising the ‘live chat’ feature; if there is a long break between messages that doesn’t contain page after page of declaration of their undying love thereater, instead the next just contains a ‘yes, I know’ following your last post, then they’re obviously into something, or someone, which interests them more.

Yes, people get called away, but if your online partner does value your feelings, they will let you know they’ve been distracted from the dating site to allow you, likewise, to take a break.

If we do become interested in developing the relationship with a potential partner further than purely the online dating platform of our choice, we can always suggest a one-to-one on video-cam before arranging to meet off-line.

This is probably a good idea, in any case, just to ensure that your target dating prospect is who they say they are before you let your feelings take over and arrange a blind liaison.

Once they have agreed to a dating tête-à-tête via live video streaming, you can truly test the waters.

The first thing to look out for is eye contact. If it’s a direct lie they’re telling you, they will look away. If your partner is playing you up, their glance will head sideways; penetrating gazes deep into your soul indicate they do want you to go on that date with them.

And do not rule out ‘instinct’; there is a lot to be said for the old adage ‘like with like’, and your gut will give you an indication if the single you are looking at is dating material.

Hand gestures, too, play a high role. If your online partner is gesturing frequently, they are getting into your conversation, therefore expressing a wish to allow you closer to them. If they are playing with their hair or rubbing their fingers, well, just ask away.

And lastly, the smile. A genuine broad beam will set your date at rest; if it is forced, you may be giving the signal you want the date to end there and then. Or that you are expected to smile in a situation that doesn’t make you easy enough to do so.

So, arm yourself with these weapons and, next time you’re up on web-cam, you could save yourself a whole lot of time and effort in a wasted liaison.

Is it me you’re looking for?

One of the absolute maxims you must keep to the fore to improve your online dating site success rate is to get your profile in order, from the off.

Before you even register with a new dating service, have your profile typed out, spell-checked and formatted in your computer’s word-processing software. Recent research has proven that mis-spellings and poor grammar are one of the biggest reasons that your queries do not get responses. Allegedly, it shows a lack of care from the individual, both of themselves and towards the person with whom they are attempting to initiate their online relationship. So getting your words right is paramount, to getting that ball rolling.

Once you have found the vehicle(s) of your choice, whether it be a subscription dating site, a free one or even a more risqué adult dating website, the first impression a potential partner is going to have of you is gleaned from the description you choose to put below, above or behind your photo.

There are many reasons to make this interesting, truthful and eye-catching.

The first is simple enough – you do not want to have to keep amending your profile every time you log on to your dating site. You know who you are – your time browsing should be spent answering private messages that your wit, charm and super-model looks have invited, and looking for other singles dating on the site.

Not only that, but also, if you keep chopping and changing the ‘about me’ section, and the tales you relate do not seem to align with the rest of your personality, a potential partner who may have been building up the courage to approach you may well be put-off, questioning the authenticity of your profile.

If one aspect is exaggerated, how does someone looking in on you know any differently about other aspects of your personality that may have been stretched?

The temptation can be, when browsing the competition (we’ve all done it) to see an aspect of their make up that you covet. Next thing you know, a bit of creative editing, and you were at Cambridge with Joanna Lumley, just before you took a year out to missionary work in Africa and then went on to help them build a new home on the moon.

Okay – that’s stretching it a little, but the point is, if you are unwittingly copying a fallacy, it is both noticeable and, more likely than not, it will not match the rest of your profile, therefore stand out for all of the wrong reasons.

Honesty is the best policy, after all. Just because the void of cyber-space lies between you and a potential long-term love online at present, unless you are content with the relationship remaining virtual forever, at some point you are going to meet up.

Singles online, looking for a soul-mate, will not take kindly to time wasters; if you arrange to meet and your partner has turned up on the pretences of your profile and find them not to be true, not only will you have an awkward date (if they stick around), but you know the first thing they are going to do when they return home is boot up the lap-top and deride you in front of the whole dating community, thus potentially damaging your chances with someone who cares for the real you.

In your dating profile, emphasise the things that are truly important to you. In all successful relationships, there is compromise, but some things mean too much to give up for anyone. Be clear with your information, use a suitable tone and avoid negativity. If your profile sounds miserable, is anyone likely to approach you on a date?

Keep it real for the best long-term results.

Bieber bodyguard in online dating loan claim

Just when Justin Bieber thought things couldn’t get any worse, one of his personal bodyguards, Moshe Benabou, is being accused as the perpertrator of borrowing money from a lady he started dating online and being unable, or unwilling, to pay it back.

This serves as a warning to anyone approached through an online personals service that giving money to someone you do not know, no matter what credentials they purport to hold, is never a good idea.

In Spring this year, the unfortunate victim struck up a relationship after being approached by Bieber’s personal bodyguard on a well-known dating site and subsequently entered into e-mail correspondence.

When the young star came to Los Angeles, the home town of the unnamed lady makingbehind these allegations, she and her new online dating interest finally made the transition from an online romance to an offline, physical encounter.

In an exclusive interview with online news outfit RadarOnline.com the victim of this real-life dating tragedy revealed the lead-up, the transaction and the subsequent attempts to retrieve the money which have left her with a bitter taste in her mouth and a huge hole in her bank balance. All of the claims RadarOnline.com report to have verified with the online dating site member, who wishes to remain anonymous to ensure the privacy of her family and close relations.

Following their initial meeting in May, the couple proceeded to date. The relationship flourished and, at the beginning of this fleeting romance, Moshe Benabou was described as being ‘very charming’.

That all changed in August when the bodyguard asked to borrow $3,000 from her, adding how hard it was for him to have to ask this favour of her. Allegedly to send back to his children whilst he had other business in Florida, he promised that the money would be repaid “For sure in a month but it will be before,” via text.
The day after receiving that text, Moshe visited the victim at home, where the money was begrudgingly handed over.

Following that transaction, after texting each other numerous times a day, there was nothing more from the bodyguard, neither via phone nor on his online dating profile, for almost a week.

Early in September, following stronger demands for the loan to be repaid, the woman received a text which simply stated that he would have the money for her “Sep 30 good bye till then.”

The saga continued into October, when Moshe texted the female dating site member from South America, where he was allegedly supervising the security for the beleaguered pop starlet, stating that the money would be wired from Panama.

When that never happened, the accusee finally got to see her online beau on October 31st, resulting the couple going on a dinner date. She came away with a cheque for just $1,000, which, before depositing, she decided to check his bank account so as not to incur charges if it bounced. It was lucky that she did; she was told, as were RadarOnline.com when they also rang to confirm the availablility of funds, that there was not enough money in the account to honour the cheque.
To this day, this once active member of a vibrant online dating community is resigned to never getting her money back.

If this report rings any bells with experienced internet-based dating members, please be sure to forward it on to people who, from their dating website messages, look like being tempted into similar circumstances!

If that potential online partner starts asking you for money, or to invest in anything that you are in the slightest suspicious about, just don’t do it! They’re only after one thing, and it’s not your body or superior intellect!

Do dating sites drain your resources?

You’ve been at work all day, busily sifting through e-mail after e-mail and can’t wait to get home…
…only to have to open up your private message box in your online dating site and repeat a similar process all over again.

Okay, looking for love on line potentially has greater rewards for you than the average 9-5, or so we’re led to believe.

However, recent articles in the press Stateside suggest that a lack of success in finding that special relationship on your singles platform is resulting in a decline in frequency of usage.
Couple that with other external sources questioning the validity of ‘conversion rates’ made by some of the larger matchmaking agencies on the ‘net, many would be Romeos are sending their profiles to the recycle bin.
As internet dating rattles towards its second full decade of existence, with many of us having had a dabble on a dating website at one stage or another since the really big players became accepted in the mid-nineties, the market has recognised that it may be time to spice things up again to keep Joe and Joanne Public interested in the matchmaking services they offer.
Indeed, one Wall St journal summed the atmosphere up quite nicely in one succint headline, only recently:- “Scary New Dating Site: The Real World”.

So, what are the thinkers behind global and UK dating sites dreaming up for its patrons next, especially in view of the fact that the world’s online dating public will be awaiting the outcome of this weekend’s iDate awards in Miami?
Outside of the big players, those boasting memberships that could form a whole nation and circle the world twice if laid head to foot, there are smaller start-ups offering just that little bit more.

The new thinking is not based on filling a whole load of personality traits, pairing DNA or running the whole dating site’s membership through a Deep Thought-type main-frame to see who is the best match.

One such company has looked at the whole process of the online dating searches, based on inconsistent results during the founder’s own search for Mr Right. Her results carry some weight, too; although admitting to having quite a bit of fun with the experience of perusing potential partners on line, the end product was dishearteneding, even with some of the more exclusive matchmaking services.
In recent a interview, the founder gave this insight into what her agency represents and what its membership can expect: “We have to consider you interesting and presentable; you could be stunning but have no personality – we wouldn’t select you. If you weren’t well groomed or had no interests, you wouldn’t make it.”
Having clarified the criteria to join, she then went on to summarise the differences showcased on her site, compared with so many of the online dating sites she found so ineffective, “We try to take people away from their lists – the starting point for any internet profile…we’re acting like friends of friends. Personal recommendation is the way things are going if you can afford it and you’re busy.”
So, before you quit the internet forever as the platform for your primary dating source, just be aware changes are in the wings! And Miami in January may just be where it all takes flight.

A free date for your diary?

Very rarely, these days, do we get offered a little something for nothing, especially on the internet. So, when we encounter a free dating site, we are guarded before we even begin perusing potential partners, keenly awaiting us behind possibly dubious profiles.

Okay, that’s maybe harsh.

To paraphrase even more cliches in the love-seekers handbook, there are exceptions to every online dating rule and you will find the odd diamond or two in the rough.

However, singles dating sites that do not charge a membership or sign-up fee are reliant upon sponsorship and advertising fees alone for their revenue. With a site-owner who has a knack for web-design, this may not be immediately noticeable, front-of-house.

Where you may notice a difference to paid membership sites, however, is in a lack of real-time admin or long-term support. This could range from individual requests being answered to the potentially more dangerous ommission of site-owners corroborating its members dating profiles.

Another important factor to keep in mind, when deciding where to start looking for love on line, is the type of relationship you’re expecting to find. Should you be looking for serious, long-term commitment, perhaps free dating sites aren’t the best place to start.

From the female point of view, if your prospective dating material is unprepared or unable to pay for the priviledge of meeting you, that in itself may raise questions about his calibre, attitude or financial standing. From the male prospective, what self-respecting woman wouldn’t dip into her purse to attract a higher class of gent than the fellow outlined above?

The exception to the rule is if you are completely new to website matchmaking services; in which case, free personals chat-rooms and forums are great places to get the hang of online dating and to get the low-down of the service you’re using.

And again, if you’re only after a casual online relationship, then free sites should suffice. More recently, they have become one of the more fashionable ways to get to know the opposite sex.

In all seriousness, though, if you do arrange to meet up with a member of a free dating site, and you have the slightest suspicion about their online credentials, do suggest that the first few dates are supervised or in close proximation to your regular stomping grounds. If there is nothing malicious about the intentions of your date, they will raise no objections, whatsoever.

Good luck – I hope your diamond doesn’t have too many rough edges!

Dating game over down under

If you think your monthly online dating membership may be a little steep, take a time out to consider the current plight of our Antipodean cousins.

Queensland’s Fraud and Corporate Crime Group, headed up by Det. Supt. Brian Hay, believes that $10M Australian Dollars are being fraudulently extracted to Nigeria via internet scams every single month. Much of that ‘investment’ is being willingly handed over in the name of love from members of dating sites, being coerced by African nationals who spend all day, every day wooing vulnerable singles online.

Australian police had hoped the country’s populous had learned its lesson, following an e-mail scam some five years ago involving similar trafficking to African shores; however, it seems that the Nigerian scammers have moved with the times and, through dating websites, continue to fleece money from unsuspecting online dating site members.

Brian and his team have recorded some initial success, but warns that the fraudsters will soon be targeting UK dating agencies and plan to go even further into Europe, where free dating memberships are on the rise.

Following a tip-off from the sibling of a 53-year old mature dating site member, the fraud squad, assisted by a p.i., intercepted a money transfer for thousands of dollars in Kuala Lumpur. In a cunning plan, they created a make-believe personals profile, which the gang fell for and were subsequently arrested.

Det. Supt. Hay believes that this is just the tip of the iceberg; Rosalie, the target whose plight instigated this sting, is just one of 10,000 Australians who, through free dating sites or other internet platforms, contribute to this vast flow of elicited money to Africa. However, it is uncertain how much of the AUS$90,000 that Rosalie endowed upon this fraudulent individual, after falling in love online with him, she will be able to retrieve.

In an interview with 60 minutes, on air Sunday, Julia Robson explains how her career as a Datescreen private investigator involves assessing the backgrounds of singles dating online. She has short shrift with people involved with this scam and has ‘…no sympathy for these people, none whatsoever.’

So how will we catch wind of potential unscrupulous partners if considering entering into a relationship?

Other than a voyeur continually badgering you through the dating site personals messages or forums, professing their undying love, there are other tell-tale signs.

Beware of someone who is gaining your trust suddenly introducing a friend with a life-changing opportunity. Even with ‘pictorial’ evidence, never send money overseas without independent advice.

Invest in Skype. It is free and you can video-link to your online dating partner to ensure the person at least matches their profile through your laptop interface.

And finally, when the tru.ly app comes into force (as it looks like catching on for UK dating sites, as well as the US), make sure they have no objection to sharing that information.

These conmen are only after one thing!