“J” reveals his “friend’s” lucky escape Chinese dating

[from “J”…]

We continue the tale of J’s “friend” – he must have been a very close “friend” due to the passion, somewhat toned down here, which punctuated the original fable, the moral of which is categorically: do not give your password to anyone you meet whilst online dating

Not long after “J” and his Chinese beau agreed to go steady in a purely cyberspace capacity, the Chinese lady gave J her password as a sign of trust that they were truly going exclusive (although they’d never met) and he felt pressured into doing the same.

To cut a long, long story short, he did, and it wasn’t long before “J” was being reproached via text and phone calls because of the comments he’d made and approaches he’d received from other members on the dating site before he’d entered into this serious online relationship. Then, much to his bemusement, further scoldings started coming from other Chinese ladies who he’d been speaking to before he’d gone exclusive.

It transpires that the quiet, demure Asian girl he’d started ‘seeing’ had turned into a fire-breathing dragon and was flaming all of his other contacts on the dating site. In order that he couldn’t get in touch with anyone else, said new Chinese dating partner overrode the password he’d given her in good faith with the devout intention of cutting him off from everyone else on the website.

Needless to say, it took a lot of sucking up to the webmaster and his contacts to get back in on the dating site, and that he pretty sharply ended the virtual relationship before his reputation went viral, but this does serve as a warning to the information you give out on dating sites about yourself. The simple summary is: don’t! Never give your credit card details, passwords or any other sensitive information that could be turned against you. What seems sweet one minute can turn sour very quickly if you don’t keep its sugar levels up.

“J” was lucky it was only his online dating persona that his Chinese girlfriend went about ruining. It could have been anyone behind that dating profile, lulling “J” in with flattery, pressurising him to part with information that he probably knew he shouldn’t. Paid dating sites store payment information, bank details – it’s just not worth the risk: keep your private information safe, at all times.

“J” reveals his “friend’s” experience Chinese dating

The following article (in two parts) is a lesson to anyone who ever gets tempted to share their personal information with someone they think they know on their dating site, but obviously not as well as they thought…

After dating women of the west, extending your catchment area to capture ladies from a little further to the East (well, the other side of the world, really), spending time on your dating site with women of Chinese origin can be an uplifting experience.

There is an element of a Chinese woman’s make up that is demure on the outside, but belies cunning intelligence beneath that gracious exterior. Self-possessed of dignity and charm, personality traits that cannot be taught beyond a certain age, it seems that there’s nothing they’ll not do to please you.

Not necessarily in a sexual way but everything about their demeanour aims to please to the extent that if they cause you offense, they will be beside themselves until you accept their most gracious and numerable apologies. Because of this inhibited nature, this will not come across in any dating site profile; you will only ever discover these hidden qualities by taking the time out to get to know the lady of Oriental persuasion in person.

However, I have recently come across one lad, who calls himself J who had whose friend had a problem whilst he was on a Chinese dating site. For the purpose of this tale of woe, we will call the victim “J”, okay with you?

After spending some time on a Chinese dating site, presumably having had little success elsewhere, reading between the lines, “J” could not believe the amount of positive responses he was getting from a whole hare-em of Asian lovelies. He was so enamoured by one of the single Chinese ladies to whom he was spending a fair amount of his online dating time that, after she implored him to go exclusive on the dating site (you can sort of see a flaw coming there, can’t you? Anyway…), he agreed. [read more]

The money pit of online dating fraud

There seems so much to take in when someone new approaches you on your dating site, it is easy to see why many members miss the glaring signs that should be telling you ‘you’re being set up for a fall’.

However, as Action Fraud have recently reported, backed by Soca and many other leading crime and academic investigations, there are indicators that should draw your attention to the fact that your new online love may not be the real deal.

Grooming is a massive part of the process. If some of the signs reported in this series so far have pricked your conscience somewhat, but you think you are safe because you have a long-term relationship with your distant partner, take heed!

These dating site confidence tricksters are in it for the long haul. The investigations have recorded relationships lasting for five years before the final sting, all the while gently building up confidence via flattery and character history, altogether plausible in the eyes of the smitten dating site member.

Along the way, there may be requests for small gifts, such as replacement phones to stay in touch, or bolder requests for more up to date pc equipment so that they can prolong their long-distance dating site relationship. By submitting to these requests you’re confirming to the conman that you have disposable income; they will not relent until they have fleeced you up to the point you evetually realise what is happening. You may have spent £1,000’s before you even realise that Sonia the carer from Singapore is actually Mattheu from Nigeria.

Once they have your confidence, they may even ask for money to enable travel – this could be to meet you to develop the relationship, visit a relative who has the money repay you for what they have leant so far or a job interview so they can start to earn the money to give you back your kind, heartfelt donations. They may even give you a number to contact their UK relative whom your funds will facilitate visiting – it is a number set up to transfer to Africa, or wherever the operation is based, yet assures the infatuated dating site member, who needs little further convincing, that the story holds water.

The fraudulent love letter

As reported yesterday, this week we will be running a special series highlighting the telltale signs that could indicate you are being targeted by a fraudster on your dating site.

Many dating site members who have been targeted and subsequently succumbed to the temptation of giving money to someone whose plight seems oh so real across these platforms do not report the violation after they grasp the concept that they have been conned; if they ever do realise, that is.

Those feelings of guilt and shame, that gut-wrenching sense of despair in the moment you ask yourself ‘How could I have been so stupid?’ stop you from coming forward and reporting the crime. Not only is it difficult to know who to approach, but that sense of pride kicks in and we do not want to publicise our naïvity for fear of reproach. This is playing further into the criminals’ hands.

You are not, however, alone. If you have been conned, you are no different from the other estimated 200,000 UK dating site members and social media fans who have caved in, likewise – that is the estimated figure based upon the findings of the first real investigation into this crime in the UK by the Serious Organised Crime Agency.

If you’re unsure that you are being targeted through your dating site profile, here we start the breakdown of a typical letter sent by the gangsters, either e-mailed as an attachment or its embodiment via your online dating platform.

the signature of a dating site fraudster’s letter

Based upon SOCA’s findings, working with Leicester & Westminster Universities, if any of these signs ring alarm bells, stop what you’re doing and alert the relevant admin department or report the misdemeanour to action fraud, immediately.

They don’t waste any time relaxing you and putting you off your guard. The opening address will be overtly sickly sweet, like ‘my sweetest sweetheart’, in an attempt to endear you to them from the outset. The term also may not be one you are used to seeing. If you saw: “hiya, m’ darlin”’, you’d think nothing of it; but ‘Dearest darling’ or ‘sweetest sweetheart’ – these are clues that the letter is from someone on the dating website whose mother tongue may not be English.

Somewhere in the opening paragraphs, they will try to get you to contact them off the domain hosting your dating website. Online dating has done much to improve their targeting of anyone who can do their reputation damage and are making great strides to wheedle out the miscreants.

If you are being asked to talk on Skype, GTalk, IM or other instant messenger services, your online partner does not want the dating site picking up the conversation on their radar. Tell them to blip off, in the nicest possible way, of course – no need to stoop to their level.