Parental guidance – learning to date all over again

So, the first few online dates have gone well, better than expected. You’ve got that buzz back, the one that, at times, you felt you’d never experience again. But mixed in with that excitement is a feeling of trepidation; as you and your new partner get closer, you know you’re going to have to come clean in the very near future and tell them about the kids. You can only put off going back to your place so often before your new beau starts to become suspicious and ask tricky questions.

You’re praying that they’ve got kids, too, and that they’ll understand. But then again you’re not, in case you end up feeling unworthy of their trust because they’ve not told you, first.

Or, you’re priming yourself for that look, which you’ve seen all too often, of tragic disappointment at the earth-shattering news that you’ve dared to have children before you even knew of your new partner’s existence. Your heart drops almost as far as their jaw, gawping in a face that looks nothing like their profile picture – you feel like making their excuse for them and putting it down as another lost cause.

single parent dating sites… are the perfect place to rubber stamp your parenthood

However, all is not lost. With the growing presence of single parent dating sites gracing the internet, they are the perfect place to rubber stamp your parenthood and get it out in the open upfront, without fear of reprisal or rejection.

That ghost will no longer haunt your third or fourth date, exorcised forever, as you know that all the members of your new-found online dating community share those same responsibilities.

Like every set of niche online dating sites, it is worth noting that not all operate in the same way. Some are strictly for single parents, whereas others have a dedicated section within their main dating website to facilitate singles who once weren’t. Although, unlike other specialised dating site sectors, single parent ones tend to be free. Not that there are stereotypical impressions of one-parent families, but they do tend to recognise the financial constraints that can be faced by moms and dads trying to raise their kids on their own. As well as trying to fashion something that can be considered a normal life around your full-time guardian role, stretching to dating site membership can sometimes be hard to justify.

If you’ve never considered single-parent dating sites, and you are one, it is well worth giving them a shot. Even if you have no intention of meeting up with other singles in similar situations, it can often do you good to share some quality adult time after your precious little ones are safely tucked up for the night.

You never know, that door that you thought you’d slammed closed may just start to creak open, again.

Is it me you’re looking for?

One of the absolute maxims you must keep to the fore to improve your online dating site success rate is to get your profile in order, from the off.

Before you even register with a new dating service, have your profile typed out, spell-checked and formatted in your computer’s word-processing software. Recent research has proven that mis-spellings and poor grammar are one of the biggest reasons that your queries do not get responses. Allegedly, it shows a lack of care from the individual, both of themselves and towards the person with whom they are attempting to initiate their online relationship. So getting your words right is paramount, to getting that ball rolling.

Once you have found the vehicle(s) of your choice, whether it be a subscription dating site, a free one or even a more risqué adult dating website, the first impression a potential partner is going to have of you is gleaned from the description you choose to put below, above or behind your photo.

There are many reasons to make this interesting, truthful and eye-catching.

The first is simple enough – you do not want to have to keep amending your profile every time you log on to your dating site. You know who you are – your time browsing should be spent answering private messages that your wit, charm and super-model looks have invited, and looking for other singles dating on the site.

Not only that, but also, if you keep chopping and changing the ‘about me’ section, and the tales you relate do not seem to align with the rest of your personality, a potential partner who may have been building up the courage to approach you may well be put-off, questioning the authenticity of your profile.

If one aspect is exaggerated, how does someone looking in on you know any differently about other aspects of your personality that may have been stretched?

The temptation can be, when browsing the competition (we’ve all done it) to see an aspect of their make up that you covet. Next thing you know, a bit of creative editing, and you were at Cambridge with Joanna Lumley, just before you took a year out to missionary work in Africa and then went on to help them build a new home on the moon.

Okay – that’s stretching it a little, but the point is, if you are unwittingly copying a fallacy, it is both noticeable and, more likely than not, it will not match the rest of your profile, therefore stand out for all of the wrong reasons.

Honesty is the best policy, after all. Just because the void of cyber-space lies between you and a potential long-term love online at present, unless you are content with the relationship remaining virtual forever, at some point you are going to meet up.

Singles online, looking for a soul-mate, will not take kindly to time wasters; if you arrange to meet and your partner has turned up on the pretences of your profile and find them not to be true, not only will you have an awkward date (if they stick around), but you know the first thing they are going to do when they return home is boot up the lap-top and deride you in front of the whole dating community, thus potentially damaging your chances with someone who cares for the real you.

In your dating profile, emphasise the things that are truly important to you. In all successful relationships, there is compromise, but some things mean too much to give up for anyone. Be clear with your information, use a suitable tone and avoid negativity. If your profile sounds miserable, is anyone likely to approach you on a date?

Keep it real for the best long-term results.

Online dating cite

We take it pretty much as read that, if you’re married, it is perhaps inadvisable to be using a dating site, paid, free or otherwise. Unless of course, it’s a swinger’s site and you’re trying to spice things up a little.

However, if you’re looking online for love and your marital partner is unaware, you are perhaps putting the knot into the noose with which you will eventually hang yourself.

It is becoming an acceptable face of court proceedings to hand over single posts or web-page transcripts from social media platforms or online dating sites in supporting evidence of innocence or guilt, one way or the other. This practise applies particularly for insurance claims or divorces, the latter usually where one half of the couple is accused of contacting singles on dating sites, which obviously has implications.

Especially if the correspondent on an internet-based dating site is later named in divorce the application. At all times, it is key for members of any online dating agency or other type of social media that, unless you are paying for a totally discreet or adult dating service, you are posting into the public domain, where this information is accessible to anyone who has an internet connection and search engine.

The practise of submitting this type of ‘evidence’, however, was taken to a whole new level in the US recently when a judge not only asked for evidence supporting claims of interaction with an online dating community but also requested the user names & passwords of the soon-to-be divorced couple in order to ascertain the depth of usage and how much it reflected on the case as a whole.

It transpires that, once the wife learned of her husbands intentions to use pages submitted to her preferred dating site, she called her friend, asking her to access the account and delete ‘certain’ correspondence.
Having gotten wind of this, the husband’s solicitor had private words with the judge, who placed an injunction on the accounts, summoned the access information, and passed the id’s and passwords on to the opposing solicitors.

The only caveat the judge issued regarding restriction of usage on the respective media and dating sites was that neither party should post whilst under the hood of the other’s account, pretending to be them.

This case does question privacy and terms of usage issued by some sites, forbidding you to share your user information with any third party. But you have to face facts – marriage, or any committed relationship, brings with it responsibility, even legalities.

So if you are hitched, don’t want to get ditched, some insights to sites, may lead to court cites!

Dating site dilemma…part one

It’s official, then – I’m a senior! That’s what I discovered when I entered the phrase ‘dating site’ into ye olde Google search bar, anyway.

I can’t recall what the excerpt said – in my haste, shock, fright, take your pick, it went something along the lines of ‘Senior dating – your source for all 40+ dating’.

Okay, I only just sneak into that bracket by a mere thirteen months, but ready to join the blue rinse brigade? Not while I’ve still got my own teeth!

It did, however, remind me of a key aspect that everyone should consider when choosing a selection of dating sites; well, that was after three cigarettes and a double Jameson helped me get over the shock that members of the mature dating set may be considering me ‘fair game’.

And that question is: what do you want from a dating site?

Okay, back to the search (shivers). If you query ‘find love on line’ or ‘internet dating agency’ you will find hundreds, nay thousands, of agencies claiming to be the best or offering the widest choice of free singles…
…you get the message.

But how do you know that they know what you want? There is no easy answer. Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth, if you’re new to online dating and are looking for a pointer or two where to find your perfect match online of the 5.2 million registered online dating accounts in the UK, alone. Yep – where’s that haystack; we’re going needle-hunting?!

You can go at it head-down into the haystack and you may be lucky enough to get pricked on your first attempt, end of story, never need a dating site again. And well done to you if you do, but that is a 2.6 million to one shot, if you assume a fifty-fifty split male/female, minus a few who are perhaps still undecided (but there will be specialist dating communities for the latter, so you should be safe).

You have to look at finding your perfect partner as a long-term investment. If someone asked you to surrender the rest of your life against a specific profile because of the character’s beautiful blue eyes, would you? Yeah, you’d be surprised; people do.

But, generally speaking, singles using dating sites are looking for more than one positive aspect before throwing themselves onto their knees in supplication. In other words, to come up with a mix that’s attractive, you must filter out potential risks; okay, it might not be a perfect brew, but you have made your investment a safer bet than just going in gung-ho because of a perfect pair of peepers.

Okay – that’s enough theory for today.

When you come back tomorrow, I want you to have made a list of positives and negatives. About the dating site you’re looking for and the potential partner.

For the site, at this stage, just decide whether you’re looking for free or paid and whether you’re looking to target a specific age-range.

For your potential partner, you can be a little more specific. Again, if age is a consideration, put that down. Other things can include distance, income, incumbent family, occupation. Different characteristics rate more highly than others for everyone, so only you can judge which go where in priority.

Apply these filters, and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with my thoughts on how to apply them online to help you narrow your search for the perfect internet date!

Attention – dating in-line!

Polished boots and buttons, razor-sharp haircuts, pressed khakis and the youthful look a beret invokes makes that private on parade seem like the ideal date.

Who wouldn’t be tempted into a relationship with one of our brave boys and girls? Organised, responsive to instruction, regular income and whilst away at barracks or front-line duty, allows plenty of free time for yourself in the initial courtship stages? Seems too good to be true…
…and perhaps, sometimes, that’s exactly what it is.

There are growing concerns that singles advertising themselves on online dating agencies as being part of Her Majesty’s Forces are nothing of the sort. Evidence is starting to be gathered that some of those purporting to be looking for love on line from the front line are not just members of society with low self-esteem looking to bolster their online dating profile, either.

Rather more sinisterly, there are gangs of confidence tricksters downloading images of our brave forces on active duty ad incorporating the in their profile to gain the sympathy and trust of others using the same matchmaking service.

Predominant in the US, the Criminal Investigation Command serving their forces against such thievery, has formally issued several memos warning both their forces and the online dating community at large about the situation.

In one reported incident, one woman surrendered $127,000 to one such claimant, after being wooed by promises of love, commitment and financial security once the ‘soldier’s’ term of service is over. And this woman is not unlike many other single women looking for romance online in the 30-55 age group, which these gang have identified as being the most vulnerable; she was dragged in by charm, plausibility and an expert ability to ‘pull the right strings’ that these gangs have honed, with practise.

Like so many scams targeted at gaining confidence in the lead up to asking for cold hard cash, these gangs are believed to be operating out of Africa. Whereas in the past, the demands for funds have been disguised as ‘an opportunity to invest’ or emotional blackmailing tactics, this type of online fraud can be a lot more difficult to spot, at first.

If you are genuinely concerned that the person approaching you on your dating site is not all they claim to be, until we are privileged to similar apps available in the US that check government and criminal records against specific dating profile information, in the UK you can check the service history of anyone claiming to be a member of H.M. Forces, Military Genealogy  where there are over two million military service records accessible for free.

Bieber bodyguard in online dating loan claim

Just when Justin Bieber thought things couldn’t get any worse, one of his personal bodyguards, Moshe Benabou, is being accused as the perpertrator of borrowing money from a lady he started dating online and being unable, or unwilling, to pay it back.

This serves as a warning to anyone approached through an online personals service that giving money to someone you do not know, no matter what credentials they purport to hold, is never a good idea.

In Spring this year, the unfortunate victim struck up a relationship after being approached by Bieber’s personal bodyguard on a well-known dating site and subsequently entered into e-mail correspondence.

When the young star came to Los Angeles, the home town of the unnamed lady makingbehind these allegations, she and her new online dating interest finally made the transition from an online romance to an offline, physical encounter.

In an exclusive interview with online news outfit the victim of this real-life dating tragedy revealed the lead-up, the transaction and the subsequent attempts to retrieve the money which have left her with a bitter taste in her mouth and a huge hole in her bank balance. All of the claims report to have verified with the online dating site member, who wishes to remain anonymous to ensure the privacy of her family and close relations.

Following their initial meeting in May, the couple proceeded to date. The relationship flourished and, at the beginning of this fleeting romance, Moshe Benabou was described as being ‘very charming’.

That all changed in August when the bodyguard asked to borrow $3,000 from her, adding how hard it was for him to have to ask this favour of her. Allegedly to send back to his children whilst he had other business in Florida, he promised that the money would be repaid “For sure in a month but it will be before,” via text.
The day after receiving that text, Moshe visited the victim at home, where the money was begrudgingly handed over.

Following that transaction, after texting each other numerous times a day, there was nothing more from the bodyguard, neither via phone nor on his online dating profile, for almost a week.

Early in September, following stronger demands for the loan to be repaid, the woman received a text which simply stated that he would have the money for her “Sep 30 good bye till then.”

The saga continued into October, when Moshe texted the female dating site member from South America, where he was allegedly supervising the security for the beleaguered pop starlet, stating that the money would be wired from Panama.

When that never happened, the accusee finally got to see her online beau on October 31st, resulting the couple going on a dinner date. She came away with a cheque for just $1,000, which, before depositing, she decided to check his bank account so as not to incur charges if it bounced. It was lucky that she did; she was told, as were when they also rang to confirm the availablility of funds, that there was not enough money in the account to honour the cheque.
To this day, this once active member of a vibrant online dating community is resigned to never getting her money back.

If this report rings any bells with experienced internet-based dating members, please be sure to forward it on to people who, from their dating website messages, look like being tempted into similar circumstances!

If that potential online partner starts asking you for money, or to invest in anything that you are in the slightest suspicious about, just don’t do it! They’re only after one thing, and it’s not your body or superior intellect!