That dating site’s got some Nerve

At the turn of this wonderful Millennium, when the world of online dating was still considered a shady haven for deviants and weirdoes alone, existed Nerve Personals, an off-shoot subheading targeting what can only be described as adult dating for the readers of the well-regarded Nerve.com. The ‘Personals’ section did little to dispel the rumours that dating sites were just one step down the ladder from soft porn, and was tagged as a place were you could go find ‘literal smut’, if you had, well, the nerve. Dot com.

As other dating sites came to prominence and blossomed into what we now know and love as respectable places to go and court your next beau, Nerve ‘Personals’ sections readership diminished, and the dating aspect was set assail and left to FastCupid to handle, a collaboration that expired only last year.

From those ashes, however, promises an all-new dating experience that does away with the traditional matchmaking aspects of your mainstream dating sites, rather, incorporating the user-friendly interface of social media as the en vogue way to meet your next potential partner online.

Sean Mills, CEO of Nerve, is abandoning the scientific approach and dispensing with algorithms based on a static dating site profile. The emphasis for the new dating site will be on fun, as is the wont of the template sites used to derive their new one, namely Twitter, The Facebook and Tumblr.

Rather than rely on a profile that may have been relevant to the dating single when they created the account, the new dating site will be focused on what their membership is doing in the here and now. Using ‘icebreakers’ such as ‘what good film you streamed recently?’ or ‘did you watch that pile of tripe from the Molineux, last night?’, Sean hopes for real-time interaction, finding common ground for its dating membership that really matters.

There is a free dating site membership with the new site, however this only permits the very basic service that the dating site has to offer, and there is a very real reason for this (other than they obviously need to make a profit to keep ‘Nerve Dating’ afloat).

Mills wants to create a safe place for his paid membership as well as promote the fact that dating sites are about just that – dating – not just a place for people to chat online; there is social media for that, although being as public as it is and winding people up in the divorce courts may not serve as an appropriate place to start an elicit affair.

For $20/month, it is hoped that the fee will “keep creepiness to a minimum” and discourage those who have no real intention of using the dating site as a place to meet other singles serious about getting together offline and, most of all, have some fun doing it!

The parent site, Nerve, attracts 2,000,000 unique visitors per month and Sean hopes that that readership and its predecessor’s reputation can catapult it to the top of the rankings and become a real competitor to the other mainstream online dating agencies.

Alikening the launch of the site to the opening of Studio 54, back in the seventies, we hope that Mills has took out the relevant licences and will not be raided in the first month of opening for impropriety – know Nerve.com’s history, that would come as no surprise.

Picture perfect or changing faces?

On the back of a rush to the checkout for singles looking to bag a date for New Year’s Eve, plenty of fish have offered their members invaluable advice based on recent studies about their successful membership.

It has recognised that people who present an unmodified photograph, and dedicated dating site users can tell the difference between air-brushed profile photos and the real thing, have the best reaction.

Not just to attracting people to them in the first instance but, because the dating site member has chosen to represent a true image of themselves on their profile, their partner gets what they expect when they first meet and therefore are most successful in securing a second date.

Keep it fresh to keep ’em kean

The advice from the dating site, to keep any potential partners hot to trot, is to be flexible with your profile photographs. As well as ensuring your dating profile reflects a true-to-life image, rotate the pictures to invite more interest from genuinely interested parties.

Then, when you feel you can procastinate no more, slay the dating site community with your best snap to truly get your date begging to meet with you.

Get online now if your new to dating sites

This is the busiest time of year for dating sites. As soon as Boxing Day rolls around, it is all systems go for the online dating industry until Valentine’s Day rolls around some seven weeks later, according to a source from Match.com.

New Year represents a dating milestone

Whether it’s to bury a terrible year for dating or fire up hopes for a more successful one, singles use New Year as both a full stop and the beginning of a new chapter.  A time to draw the line under past failures, learn the lessons from those disasters and prepare yourself for the challenge of dating with a whole new community and with a different attitude.

The report even suggests that, if you just can’t find or choose someone you genuinely would like to date, why not consider blind dating?

If you do do this as an option, the site are wary of the security and recommend that you invite the person to a get together where you have plenty of friends who can keep an eye on proceedings.

Start 2012 with a bang

There are times of the year when singles will go out of their way to change just that statistic – being a single – even if it is just for one night only.

Christmas is one, family or office parties are another – but the one event that no one wants to be alone for is the dawn of a New Year.

Whether it’s a psychological need or a physical requirement to have someone to see the old year out and welcome the new one in, singles across the world seek to end their loneliness, if only for one night.

Last minute shopping – for a festive date

As internet shoppers hit the online malls festooned with Christmas cheer before the festive break, it wasn’t only gift-wrapped presents for the relatives eager party-goers were in the market for.

Online dating sites reported a massive surge in activity as singles desperately looked for a date for the end of the year.

Long-term relationships not a consideration

The old adage ‘A dog is for life, not just for Christmas’ springs to mind in a truly converse sense; Heather Paul sums up the mood succinctly of what it means to singles to have someone they can call their own for this fleeting moment.

In a recent article in the NYDaily News, she states, simply, “I do not care if we click, because I will keep him around until Jan. 1 so I will have someone to ring in the new year with.”

Dating sites for just about anything

Heather has her new year date courtesy of ILoveYourAccent.com. It’s unique selling point is that it offers singles from either side of the pond the opportunity to interact and hook up together, providing they can meet, of course.

It’s amazing how far people will travel to meet up, if they feel there is a genuine opportunity for a relationship; with looking for a one-off date, as seems the case with the very recent activity dating sites are reporting, it may well be that singles are using the online dating facility to find someone local for the festive period.

The profile picture has it

According to one dating site, who have reported a 15% increase in new sign-ups to their free dating facility and 20% in their existing dating site community, the combination of beautiful eye and a killer smile is the best recipe for success.

More on that in the next article.

With the millions of online dating site users, there should be someone for everyone. But the clock is ticking and with only a few days to go until the year of the London Olympics rolls around, it’s time to get your skates on and get yourself a date for New Year’s Eve.

Truckloads of men learning how to pick up

Online dating can be a daunting place when you have never done it before. It is one of the most competitive marketplaces online, with millions of new users signing up every month, in all the different variants, in many, many countries. How do you make yourself stand out in the crowd, in the face of possibly millions of other men competing for the same woman?

For a start, that is highly unlikely to happen. Especially on matchmaking sites, where you are aligned with other singles looking for love online based on information you have input about yourself in your dating site profile. Many members stretch the truth about themselves, but there is a degree of enhancing your image that is tolerated, expected even, in the world of online dating.

Despite the volumes of potential partners online, many men still struggle to land that first date. It can be a frustrating time, especially if you are paying for the privilege of being turned down and not just trying your luck on a free dating site. There is help at hand, however. As well as a multitude of (hopefully) helpful articles posted here, there is a new breed of dating site springing up online designed to give men the upper hand when setting out on that tortuos, and torturous, road of finding that elusive long-term relationship on your chosen dating site(s).

One of the rising stars in this genre, featured recently as part of a BBC article looking at how diverse the £2bn a year online dating industry has become, is the site Pick Up Artist Training. Although based in the US, it has ‘boot camps’ on both sides of the pond to help us limey’s new to UK dating approach, talk to and secure a date from women both off- and online.

First look at the site and it would appear to be like the title suggests, a pick-up site. But it is a little more subtle, especially when you start reading the blog.

Richard La Ruina, aka The Gambler, explained to the BBC earlier in the year that not everyone who attends the bootcamp is looking to make conquests of every woman they meet. Rather, many men genuinely struggle to find a comfort zone when attempting to approach a desired member of the opposite sex and the intensive course helps men who “…want to just meet the right person”.

The boot camps are run regularly, once or twice a month, in the UK.  If you’ve got £779* spare and would like expert advise on how to pick up women, then perhaps this is the course you’ve been looking for.
*price correct as at time of writing

Scam dating site profiles broken down

Here at dating.org.uk, not only are we determined to bring you the best UK dating sites currently on trend, but we want you to remain safe when you leave our site, after utilising our search facility. Not only do we want to provide you with the best dating site comparison service possible, but we want you to come back and use us again and recommend us to your friends – there is no mystery, there.

To that end, we have constantly jumped on any news article, since we’ve been live, that will enhance your dating site experience and, as well as providing the odd how-to and tip advice, arm you with the knowledge and safeguards to save you from the woes of being duped online.

Dating site numbers continue to rise and, with more and more dating site members opting for paid rather than free dating site memberships due to the extra security it is perceived they offer, there are more and more crooks looking to tap into this stream of wealth flooding through cyberspace via the gateway opened up by online matchmaking and adult dating sites.

security apps are just a battle won, not the war

With the advent of applications such as the tru.ly app in the US that verifies an online dating site member against government records and the UK’s equivalent, Trusted Faces, it is hoped that these opportunities will be reduced considerably. However, there will always be a convincing sob story that tugs at a lonely single’s heart strings and acts like the pin number to the ATM of their account. It is these instances that, no matter what level of security is applied, are so convincing that they need to be eradicated before more dating site users fall for their snake-like charm.

We are glad to report that action fraud has produced a replica document of a typical tool used by these skilled online schmoozers in their deceptions. In the style of a letter, although this is just one tactic, it represents exactly the type of language used to build trust and rapport with gullible dating site members, with the single, profound goal of alleviating them of their cash.

These conmen are skilled professionals; however, there is growing police activity to match, as the realisation of exactly how much people are being swindled out of is revealed. The figures mentioned are staggering, truly beyond belief; that trusting souls so desperate for attention through loneliness have been so easily separated with their life savings is heartbreaking. It is this craving that these gangsters – oh, yes, it is organised crime – prey upon; the whys and hows, we will highlight over the coming week.

Stay tuned to this thread to protect yourself further and help win the war against online crime.

Dates are traditional at Christmas

Dusted rose and lemon Turkish Delight, Brussels sprouts and chocolate coins wrapped in golden foil – along with a tin of dates – those are the things that spring to mind when I recall my nan’s house on Christmas Day in childhood days of yore. Oh, and the sneaky glass of sherry I used to get when ‘the men’ disappeared for two hours down the White Rose to leave the women to the hard graft. And more sherry, of course.

But the guys and gals over at uniformdating.com have put a whole new spin on dates this Christmas, not to mention the revised concept of what you can hope to find in your Christmas stocking.

The dating site, which provides an opportunity for all of the hardworking emergency service and armed forces staff to showcase their profiles to other serving members (and civilians who just like men and women in uniform – traffic wardens, for me!), has joined forces with Cancer Research UK in a drive to raise £150,000 for the charity.

They have already started the ball rolling – for every new sign up for free dating site membership, uniformdating.com automatically donate £1 to the Tonne of Love campaign.

£7.50 from your dating site gift goes straight to Cancer Research UK

This new drive is slightly different and is aimed at the paid membership facility. Usually £19.99/month, the matchmaking site has slashed its rate in half to £10.00 in the run up to the festive season to coincide with its ‘Buy Your Mate A Date’ opportunity.

In effect, you are enrolling a friend into the online dating site for a whole month, where they get the chance to look for love online alongside privates on parade, the boys in blue, naughty nurses and those guys with the big helmets, the firemen.

The bequest can be totally personalised on the gift page of the site and payment is SSL certified secure (obviously) with visa or mastercard. You then have the choice of either printing off the certificate to give as a physical gift or you can send it digitally, by e-mail.

If your Secret Santa limit this year is a tenner and you pick someone who won’t get into trouble by being donated a month’s dating site membership, or could frankly just do with one, not only could you be putting them on the road to true love and happiness, but you will also be contributing £7.50 to Cancer Research UK from the £10 that it costs for the gift membership.

And, you never know, if you’ve been very, very good this year, your Secret Santa may have the odd pilot, lance-corporal or a few sea men in their sack at the Christmas Party for you, this Yuletide!

White men can’t jump; black women don’t date often, either…

report reveals black women are biggest losers on dating sites

There’s no disputing the facts, but, if you’re a black woman trying to attract a potential partner on a non-specific dating site, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Following the latest study of over 1,000,000 dating site members, the message is harsh, but plain: unless a black woman initiates contact, her inbox and dating journal are likely to be untroubled by romantic prospects.

Although few psychological insights were drawn as to why this was the case, the orchestrators concluded, in hindsight, that “…black women were the least likely group [based upon results] to be contacted…”

Professor Mendelsohn, one of the collaborators on the assignment, suggested that one of the possible reasons why this continues to be the case, as a similar 2009 study by a different, free dating site also concluded: ‘black women get the cold shoulder from everyone, including their black male counterparts’, is because of the prominence of white women in the portrayal of beauty in the US media.

No matter what race you are, social conditioning primes you to believe that female beauty = white lady.
(ed – !? – one word: Rhianna!)

26 year Aja Worthy-Davis, a political figure operating out of NYC, has experienced this ignorance first hand.

On her experience of another prolific matchmaking site, she empathised with the findings from the recent report. Of the three men she met up with off-line during her membership, she initiated contact in all instances; one of those liaisons, with an unnamed Russian gentleman, flourished into a relationship that lasted almost two years. Now in a long-term relationship with a former high-school classmate, she still feels that the time spent with the dating website worthwhile, adding “…it is a good way to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people.”

On the other side of the coin is the argument that perhaps many black women who join a dating community tailor their profiles so as to not attract unwarranted attention from outside of their race. Whether a sub-conscious psychological force comes into play, whereby many black women strive to sustain the heritage of the black family is undecided.

Ron Worthy, a spokesman for Blackpeoplemeet, acknowledges this burden. He, goes as far as to concede that many educated black women, in order to maintain thoroughbred roots, will “marry down” to a black guy who is not their socioeconomic equal.

This theory was also backed up by Professor Mendelsohn’s study of 1,000,000 dating site users, which observed that ‘although black women were much more likely than their white counterparts to contact someone of another race, they still primarily sought to contact black men.’

So, if you’re a black lady joining a run-of-the-mill dating site, be prepared to start firing out those invitations to get that ball rolling. As per Aja’s experience, it is worth making that all-important first move, nyet?

The net dating effect

30-something Canadian recounts paid vs free dating site trial

When one considers online dating as a viable option, the next hurdle is deciding whether to throw a little capital at the venture or dip one’s toe into the shark infested free dating service pool, first.

For one unfortunate Canadian thirty-something, it soon became apparent that all that glittered were certainly not goldfish as shoals of fishy dates flooded his inbox. With Spanish aplomb, he’d cast a net and caught way more than he’d bargained for.

Although the young man was apprehensive about dating online at first, following some extensive investigative research he finally made the decision to swim with fishes at a paid, well-known online dating agency, first.

(That’s the last of the sea puns, promise)

Like so many of us, working full time in the suburbs of a large city environment leaves precious little time for dating in the conventional manner, as we try to build our careers, keep up with our daily ports of call on social media sites and try and find time to eat and sleep in between.

Based on the theory that a paid service would offer a better class of online partner, and the relative reviews confirmed as such, he decided to shell out a cool CAN$137.85 for a three-month membership.

The whole process of shelling out for the privilege, filling in the extensive questionnaire about his own likes and dislikes and offering very little in the way of his ideal match took a whole hour. given the scant information submitted for a potential partner, the plucky guy expected to yield between 30-40 responses for the effort.

He actually got almost 10 times that amount, with 296 hopeful dating partners responding to his initial posting!

During the first week, he managed to whittle a whole one percent of those into date material, going out three times; none of the three materialised past that initial liaison, however. The remainder of that first month went swimmingly, with more ever-hopefuls responding, but, by the end of this period, his ‘matches’ dried up, with the dating site offering ‘flex’ matches – sort of close, but no cigar-type potential online partners.

After a month of these requests by the dating site, this guy from Toronto stopped accepting even those.

It was at this point he stopped using the site; after the four-step process of guided communication, leading up to an off-line date, he felt getting to know someone utilising a matchmaking software template felt ‘abnormal’.

Not to be disheartened, the next challenge was a free dating site, to see if he faire any better on that platform.

In contrast, it took about two minutes to register, and the exposure was instant, with matching profiles from his area festooned over his dashboard. There was no hand-holding by the free site and it felt more like ‘meeting someone in a public place’. Of course, this does lead to a decline in the level of security, which in his summary the young Canadian does point out.

But the upshot is, he had two fantastic dates from the free dating site compared with the more well-known matchmaking website; what’s more, he is still dating the second of those acquaintances in a real offline romance.

The nett effect is, free dating sites give what you put into them; there are potentially more profiles to sift through, but, as with his experience in the first dating site, splashing the cash is no guarantee of quality.

Singles sites sign-ups sold out

Where did they get my details?

Have you ever wondered where dating sites who you’ve never approached, to the best of your knowledge, get your contact details from? Whether it’s a spam (unsolicited) e-mail, text or phone call, they have got your information from somewhere.

What is worse for the unsuspecting individual, if it is an uninvited adult dating site that gets in touch, is that it is not necessarily another matchmaking service that has forwarded your data. If you are in a relationship and you are unfortunate enough to have your partner check your inbox, you may have trouble explaining away a proposal for a date from someone looking for love in your area.

There are several ways the unrequited dating site may have come by your information. If you have signed up for a free dating site, there is a better than average chance that one of the ways they raise capital is by selling their clients’ information to anyone willing to pay for it.

With the amount of start-up dating sites looking for a route to market, there is a requirement for buying redundant or aged dating site databases. Not only is it a mailing list for the new online personals site, but also provides ready-made profiles; to anyone looking from the outside in, the dating site may seem well-populated. However, there is no guarantee that the members are current, or that they’ve ever heard of this new matchmaking site, of which they’re supposed to be a member.

And it doesn’t matter how long it has been since you joined the original online dating site – companies who operate mailing lists, unless there is a clause in sign-up, will never delete your name from their records until you unsubscribe.

There are also sites, particularly towards Eastern Europe and beyond, where affiliate sites are swiftly taking over the market. One central dating web-site exists, the head of the franchise, if you like, from where those in the chain below receive their programs. Once a sub-domain is created, one of two things happen, equally as cheap:

  1. The affiliate site either gets a duplicate copy of the members signed up to the main site (these are the seeds) and, as new members join, the old members are unwittingly plucked (like weeds) once established.
  2. The other way, even cheaper, is that the afilliate site simply has links to profiles on the main singles site.
    • Either way, members are unaware that they are living a double virtual existence, unless they come across themselves on the dummy website, that is.

Closer to home, technology is extensively assisting advertisers who have split their marketing costs; ‘like’ companies, who may only be as alike as in ‘they are a business’, increase their (in)visibility by sharing an adspace – you click on one ad, multiple companies behind the banner get your information.

If you are a victim of unsolicited e-mail, sent from a new dating site’s list, there will be an option to ‘unsubscribe’ at the bottom of each e-mail you didn’t ask for (it may be well hidden!). Any company using a mailing list will employ an auto-responder to send their mail automatically for them.

If a single entity is repeatedly reported for sending spam (junk) e-mail, their service will be terminated.  Hit this to remove your name.  If the company persistin sending you mail, do mark the correspondence as spam.

True, it’s only a small step, but at least one in the right direction to getting your online identity back.