Pick your prospective dating partners with care

It may be fun and exciting to look for love online, but you need to keep in mind that there are far too many nutters out there – and that if you let them into your life, you could end up getting seriously hurt.

One particularly fine and upstanding citizen, 36 year old Sean Melville, was recently convicted of raping a woman he met through an online dating service. The incident occurred after a night out in Bathgate, West Lothian, where the convicted rapist consumed  both lager and vodka to excess before he and his victim, a mother of two, to the woman’s home.

Melville soon became belligerent and abusive towards the woman, starting a row because she neglected to fix him something to eat, according to Susanne Tanner, the advocate depute that prosecuted the case in court. The intoxicated man interrogated the victim on whether she had been taking other men to the pub, insulting her and then physically assaulting her by pushing her down on a nearby couch; the woman, who had had quite enough at that point, told the man to sleep in the spare room before going to bed herself.

Unfortunately, this did not dissuade Melville, who followed the 37 year old mother upstairs a moment or two later, demanding sex from her. Ms Tanner then described how the man raped the woman repeatedly throughout the night; the abused woman only reported the rape once she discovered that her assailant was looking for new women to assault on the dating website where they had originally met.

Melville admitted to the rape at Edinburgh’s High Court. The man remains in custody until his sentencing next month.

Stick within your league for best dating site results

If you’re new to online dating, you may be apprehensive about sharing some of your personal information due to the hairy stories that make their way into the media. These reports can be from everything to the guy turning out to be a sex offender, the woman demanding money to even get to the first date or your potential partner singing Brotherhood of Man songs all the way through the date. All scary enough in their own rite, it’s true.

But before you get to that meeting up stage, there is plenty of other critical information you need to know about the entities that patrol dating sites under the guise of genuine singles looking for love online, whereas all they are really after is your money and they have developed some ingenious ways of doing it.

Even the most steadfast of singles get caught up in a fantasy web spun by these (generally) organised criminal gangs. But if you know beforehand what you’re looking out for, the telltale signs that you’re being approached by a scammer will stand out like a sore thumb.

Getting the best out of your online dating experience is all about being honest with yourself, not setting your expectations, not getting carried away by trying to impress another single who has caught your eye by pretending to be someone you’re not and, at all times, keep things in perspective by being totally honest with yourself and with anyone who shows interest in you. But not too much heavy personal stuff, at first – that type of information will have everyone on the dating site running for cover. Remember, many dating sites have seven-figure memberships: you are not the be all and all – there are thousands of others members that a single can move on to if you either come on too heavy or do not act within the parameters of dating site etiquette.

That said, you have a vague idea of who is in your league, if you go on the ‘like attract like’ unwritten rule. So if an absolutely stunning blonde of Scandinavian origin or chisel-chinned hunk with bulging biceps approaches you and you are by no means expecting to be contacted by someone of that calibre, start asking yourself: why? Not being funny, there is a 99.9% chance that the photo is not that of the person getting in touch, no matter how much they protest that they are Erika or Brad, rather, the image has been lifted from elsewhere, possibly even another dating site, on t’Internet and there’s an African national hiding behind the dating site profile with a rod and some heavy gauge line just waiting to reel you in.

Another giveaway is the opening line when someone new contacts you for the first time. It won’t open with a coy ‘Hi, there, I was wondering…’ or a ‘Just happened to see your profile…’. It will go straight for the jugular in ill-conceived English. The fraudster will open up with ‘My most beautiful darling,’ or ‘My most gorgeous sweetheart,’. All true enough sentiment when you’ve known someone for a while but, due to the foreign national’s lack of understanding of etiquette – they’ve probably lifted the text from a well-thumbed Mills & Boon – they make this fatal error (if you know to look out for it) upon first contact.

Stick with us; more over the weekend about what to look out for – and, more importantly, to report to the webmaster – to weed out the scammers from the genuine single looking to find you via the medium of online dating.

“J” reveals his “friend’s” lucky escape Chinese dating

[from “J”…]

We continue the tale of J’s “friend” – he must have been a very close “friend” due to the passion, somewhat toned down here, which punctuated the original fable, the moral of which is categorically: do not give your password to anyone you meet whilst online dating

Not long after “J” and his Chinese beau agreed to go steady in a purely cyberspace capacity, the Chinese lady gave J her password as a sign of trust that they were truly going exclusive (although they’d never met) and he felt pressured into doing the same.

To cut a long, long story short, he did, and it wasn’t long before “J” was being reproached via text and phone calls because of the comments he’d made and approaches he’d received from other members on the dating site before he’d entered into this serious online relationship. Then, much to his bemusement, further scoldings started coming from other Chinese ladies who he’d been speaking to before he’d gone exclusive.

It transpires that the quiet, demure Asian girl he’d started ‘seeing’ had turned into a fire-breathing dragon and was flaming all of his other contacts on the dating site. In order that he couldn’t get in touch with anyone else, said new Chinese dating partner overrode the password he’d given her in good faith with the devout intention of cutting him off from everyone else on the website.

Needless to say, it took a lot of sucking up to the webmaster and his contacts to get back in on the dating site, and that he pretty sharply ended the virtual relationship before his reputation went viral, but this does serve as a warning to the information you give out on dating sites about yourself. The simple summary is: don’t! Never give your credit card details, passwords or any other sensitive information that could be turned against you. What seems sweet one minute can turn sour very quickly if you don’t keep its sugar levels up.

“J” was lucky it was only his online dating persona that his Chinese girlfriend went about ruining. It could have been anyone behind that dating profile, lulling “J” in with flattery, pressurising him to part with information that he probably knew he shouldn’t. Paid dating sites store payment information, bank details – it’s just not worth the risk: keep your private information safe, at all times.

“J” reveals his “friend’s” experience Chinese dating

The following article (in two parts) is a lesson to anyone who ever gets tempted to share their personal information with someone they think they know on their dating site, but obviously not as well as they thought…

After dating women of the west, extending your catchment area to capture ladies from a little further to the East (well, the other side of the world, really), spending time on your dating site with women of Chinese origin can be an uplifting experience.

There is an element of a Chinese woman’s make up that is demure on the outside, but belies cunning intelligence beneath that gracious exterior. Self-possessed of dignity and charm, personality traits that cannot be taught beyond a certain age, it seems that there’s nothing they’ll not do to please you.

Not necessarily in a sexual way but everything about their demeanour aims to please to the extent that if they cause you offense, they will be beside themselves until you accept their most gracious and numerable apologies. Because of this inhibited nature, this will not come across in any dating site profile; you will only ever discover these hidden qualities by taking the time out to get to know the lady of Oriental persuasion in person.

However, I have recently come across one lad, who calls himself J who had whose friend had a problem whilst he was on a Chinese dating site. For the purpose of this tale of woe, we will call the victim “J”, okay with you?

After spending some time on a Chinese dating site, presumably having had little success elsewhere, reading between the lines, “J” could not believe the amount of positive responses he was getting from a whole hare-em of Asian lovelies. He was so enamoured by one of the single Chinese ladies to whom he was spending a fair amount of his online dating time that, after she implored him to go exclusive on the dating site (you can sort of see a flaw coming there, can’t you? Anyway…), he agreed. [read more]