The beautiful people have feelings, too

Being what is generally accepted as good looking can have all sorts of complications that being plain or less than handsome don’t inherently attract, of that there is no doubt, whatsoever. Being ‘fair of face’, to quote the old rhyme (the twelfth of October, 1970, for example – go on, write it in your diary…why, thank you), can raise all sorts of self-doubt and warrant unwanted attention from those, usually of the same sex, regarding you with little green monster eyes.

For example, Monday’s children may well have had to address the following issues whilst dating in the past that those less pretty would have no conception of (unless they had an exceptionally high opinion of themselves):

  • is he/she only with me as a trophy boy/girlfriend?
  • do they only want me to impress family/friends?
  • Is that bloke over there, built like a brick…wall (keep it clean) with the scar and broken nose going to rearrange my ‘not the face, not the face’ because he just can’t handle the fact that I’m gorgeous?

Oh, yes – you may mock, but that has happened – or the situation, at least – and only by sheer good fortune has one escaped with little more than a black eye and a slightly skiwiff bridge of the nose that now ‘adds character’.

Good looks not always helpful in dating land

Having a super-model photograph on a dating site may seem a blessing to those who are not as blessed with looks, but there is a curse attached to having come to bed eyes, being denturally perfect and possessing long, flowing locks. Most people who are good-looking genuinely look for more faults in their appearance than anyone else. Not necessarily through vanity, either.

If you’ve been classed as a bit of a catch, generally, it sets you above the rest. Why? God knows. But it does. But that does engender a certain responsibility, if only to keep up one’s moral. The school reunion, for example. Say you’re having a real bitch of a time of the month or a shaving rash has encircled your throat and you can do nothing to hide the spots or whatever imperfection is the symptom. What’s the first thing you get asked? Or worse, hear someone tattling when they thought you were out of earshot? It’s something like: “Blimey, hasn’t XXXX let themselves go?” or, the killer, “They never looked like that when we dated!” And you feel like shouting back – it’s a ferkin spot for ferx ache. But time and tide has taught you not to and you just let it simmer in your bile duct where it can gently erode your self-confidence away whilst inflaming insecurity.

And having a perfect dating site profile picture does two things:

  1. attracts all of the weirdoes who either go out of the way to say something defamatory with no justification or start stalking you and will not leave you alone, no matter how many hints or outright obscenities you throw back at them.
  2. singles who you may be interested in don’t bother to get in touch because they think you’re out of their league. It’s so not true. Good looking people may have earned a reputation for being shallow, but that’s so not the case. We just want people to realise that beneath that cherubim face is a real person – good looks are not a shield to defend against all the jealous scorn directed at The Beautiful People.

Next time you see a genuinely beautiful person on your dating site, take the time to say hi, and that you like the way they look – you may be bloody surprised at the keen response you get back. That is all.

Be careful out there – you may meet that special ‘someone’

In the second of two articles today looking at ‘innocent’ false dating site profiles, we hear a tale of woe from both sides of the dating argument.

This one’s all a bit six of one and half a dozen of the other and is a little more far out and, well, scary than today’s other article. Especially as the story originates from a woman’s blog and she asks: who’s protecting the men from the psychotic women out there?, some of whom she berates and classifies as ‘bunny boilers‘ of Fatal Attraction fame.

No, I’m getting ahead of myself, here. First and foremost, the blogger in question admitted that she had conducted an experiment whereby she’d created fake dating site profiles with the sole intention of extracting information out of men to see how easily she could get their phone numbers, personal e-addresses, where they lived, etc. Apparently, within 2-3 communiqués, the alpha male relinquishes this data without too much of a fuss.

Then, said blogger affirms that she’s safe, but knows of ‘someone’ (I get the impression we’re onto another Chinese dating experience like “J” suffered, here) who was perhaps a few nuts short of a safe hub cap.

To cut a long story short, this ‘someone’ was hit upon rather rapidly after signing up to a dating site by a single male to whom she gave the pseudonym Marc – really? I have a very strong suspicion this was the gentleman’s real name.

When ‘someone’ told ‘Marc’ things were moving too quickly for her liking, ‘Marc’ told ‘someone’ to “go have sex with herself using a rather large implement” – well, not exactly that, but you can work the rest out. To whit, ‘someone’ took umbrage and proceeded to post multiple profiles of ‘Marc’ – coincidentally another dating site male who’d given up his information within the first few correspondences (you can see the comparisons, can’t you?), on gay porn sites, whereby his profile suggested that he was up for a bit of guy-on-guy action.

His name, home phone number, photograph – everything but his home address (which the blogger claimed this ‘someone’ she knew had possession of, but did nothing with, thankfully for ‘Marc’) went on these gay dating sites, claiming he was up for it. The poor guy even had his e-mail signed up to a load of spam sites and even suffered the indignity of his profile being posted on a site warning other women not to date certain men they’d met online dating.

The blogger’s moral – protect yourself at all costs. ‘Marc’ – if you’re reading this and you’ve got any pets that would fit nicely in a stew-pot, get your locks changed, bud. Take this woman’s advice and weed out the weirdos; you know where to start, methinks.

Do dating site algorithms work or just string us along?

The argument about whether scientific algorithms that many of the top-ranking, mainstream dating sites – particularly matchmaking sites – claim to use rages on. However, five top independent scientists from five different universities across North America have critically – and more importantly, without bias – appraised the methods used by their ‘peers’ to create the strings of logic, which dating sites use to pair new singles together, and found them redundant as the useful tools the sites claim them to be.

What’s more is that singles entering their data into such online dating platforms are being sucked into an even worse scenario than before they signed up.

There is no denying the appeal of simply being as true to yourself as possible (or as true as you are prepared to let others believe of you, anyway), entering those details into a Deep Thought-esque mainframe and after a few clucks, chugs and whirrs your perfect partner will scroll out from a slot just below where you paid your stake. If only. But millions of singles hoping to fall in love online are stumping up millions of dollars week in week out across the globe for the privilege of being told ‘close but no cigar’ as the matches maybe okay for a Mr Right Now, only to see those relationships fizzle out soon after the first date, so back to the dating site they go.

Logical association or dating site corn?

It’s a bit like going to the chiropodist – they’ll take the top off the corn, but never dig the root right out. They’ll have lost you forever as a premium customer, unless you’re stupid enough to wear the same shoes again that gave you the callous in the first place, of course.

If dating sites have a member who’s paying month by month, would the algorithm present that perfect partner first time out? Only by a whole heap of luck. That’s not to suggest the algorithms have the power to weed out those who would be an absolute perfect match, just that it’s not feasibly possible. A person someone really fancies one day can be a distant memory the next if another – who can be the total opposite of yesterday’s ‘the one’ – enters the frame. What’s changed perceptibly about the single doing the fancying that they would change in their profile from one day to the next?

Jack.  Human nature is simply that fickle.

Recent reports suggest that 90% of singles lie about their dating site profile. If the success rate were ever to climb above 10%, the argument would be self-defeating. Of course, the dating sites response to that would be: if more people were honest our success rate would be higher. Irrespective, it’s just not good business sense to market and administrate customers, regardless of the marketing commodity they provide, without turning profit.

To find out what the scientists found and the disturbing thought process millions of singles are believed to be adopting, please [read on]

Spread betting on dating site profiles for small marg-ins

What do you do when you get to the supermarket and they don’t have the brand of butter you were looking for? You need to make sandwiches for the party and you’ve been to all of the other supermarkets; this one was your last hope. You’ve got to have something. What do you do? Yep, you pick up one that might get you out of a scrape tonight, you just hope people appreciate the filling and not the butter that’s on the bread.

What the bloody hell has this got to do with online dating? Well, according to one recent study by five top scientists in North America, this is the mentality sweeping dating sites and singles the world over.

The outline of the study can be found in our article: Do dating site algorithms work or just string us along?

Shock, horror, the algorithm’s not found what you’re looking for but brought up several choices on ice on the shelf where your butter should be, but you just know whichever of the alternatives you plump for, it won’t spread with as much satisfaction as the brand you’d hoped to pick up. Well, eggs-zactly.

The full report is yet to be released but an essence of what the results will smell like has been issued on the website from whence this snippet came. The study itself focuses on how dating in the real world differs from its online cousin, concentrating on definitive areas, including accessibility of potential partners, levels of communication and the interaction that leads to and, the hot potato, the matchmaking service ‘based on scientific algorithms‘ the dating sites purport to utilise.

More is less

Initial reports suggest that, although there is a whole lot more choice via the portal of online dating, that doesn’t guarantee ‘superiority’. Far from it, in fact.

Going back to the butter metaphor, the vast array of individuals looking to fall in love online is leading other singles to ‘brand’ them, comparing vast swathes of profiles and, if ‘the one’ doesn’t jump off the shelf, those browsing are unprepared to commit to any of the others.

Another aspect, harking back to the 90% fib about themselves in their online dating profile, is that a partner with whom the single has been chatting to for sometime rarely lives up to their ‘persona’ in real life, and the expectation levels from communicating via a dating site often fall flat what the date comes to fruition in the flesh.

The scientists do hold some hope for the science behind Internet dating, however, but it will take 100% honesty from members and webmasters, alike. Psychology has as much to do with appreciation of a partner as physical attraction, that much is known. Providing that all parties enter and deliver true information from being ‘guided by rigorous psychological science’, then finding ‘the one’ may not be a figment of the i-marg-ination, butter very real prospect.

Be yourself to find a true match on your dating site

It’s fair to say that online dating has revolutionised the way singles look for love. No longer the perceived retreat of weirdos and men in thick glasses wearing long macs, dating sites offer a convenient way to search online for that significant other who has, up to this point, eluded you along the humdrum path of everyday life.

For many, especially those who work in big cities and ‘enjoy’ the pleasure of the rush hour commute or crammed trains that, although full of potential dates are, like you, not disposed to flirtation when you have the collar of a soggy mackintosh up your left nostril and a sharp-ended umbrella sticking – well, let’s not go there – the thought of getting ready to go out to meet someone during the week is the furthest complication from your mind. That’s where dating sites notch up a result every time. But how does the prospective dater set about finding the perfect dating site when there are so many to choose from?

It’s not such a bad idea to check out a few of the free dating sites to see what sort of information you need to gather about yourself before you start approaching more experienced members of the online dating community who may have been around the block a few times. The last thing that other members want is to be bombarded with messages that break every protocol and etiquette in the unwritten rules of online dating.  No, I’ve not got a copy – they’re unwritten; you just have to learn them as you go.  And, like local dialects, every dating site has a slightly different variation to the first edition!

In the long term, if you are looking for someone with whom you can build up a genuine off-screen relationship (it’a great chatting online, but remember the ultimate goal is to find a partner), it is worth signing up for a paid dating site. Not only do you have access to a whole range of upgraded features, which really let you filter through prospective partners, but paid services also give you access to members who are, like you, willing to put their money where their mouth is.

This will help you to drop those who are not exactly what you’re looking for in order to find a genuine match to get the best results for an off-screen relationship.

Once you have browsed the dating profiles and got down to two or three who you think will make your online dating experience worthwhile, do not try to be someone you’re not. In order to improve your chances of making any type of courtship blossom, you must attract another single who likes you for who you are, not what you think you should be!

To find your perfect match and start your online dating journey, check out our hand-picked dating sites to give you the best possible start.

Dating site expectations are often too high

We continue today’s dating.org.uk thread looking back at an appraisal that Sarah Harris, CEO of Cupidnights.com, made of dating sites and their members seven years ago, when the online dating world had a very different, rather desolate and shady landscape opposed to the one we see today.

The figures have grown massively over the short period since the article was posted, but the percentages, for the next two topics at least, are surprisingly similar. So, on we go: advice from a dating site CEO about the errors many dating site members make and why blaming your dating platform is not the right thing to do.

dating site success

When Sarah wrote the article, the figures showed that only 5% of all new members end up as a success story as a result of meeting another single they’ve met via their dating platform.

Today, with one dating site claiming to be responsible for 5% of all US marriages not so long ago, you would think that has changed, but that depends on what you class as a successful experience on your dating site.

A recent survey highlighted the fact that marriage is not the be and all for many, many dating site users. In fact, those results rather indicated that singles will register with a dating site already knowing what they want from their time spent online dating. Marriage was indeed the yardstick members of one matchmaking site measured their success by, whereas another was simply a promise of commitment and the third was purely any type of regular relationship; these were all well known, branded sites who took part in the survey.

Apathetic daters a waste of space

Another of source of Sarah’s chagrin was the amount of users who just could not be bothered to make the effort. In fact, she carries on to state that, the ten percent of dating site members who do get ‘smiles’ or ‘winks’ aside, the other 90% who berate the service after sign up just “don’t deserve any success.”

And it’s true. Much as she likens those ‘success’ stories to real life figures, the same can be said of dating site members who just do not put the effort in to attract their target audience.

Successful online dating is all about personifying your dating site profile to portray an upbeat, honest you that people want to contact and be with.  Look at your profile, now, and ask yourself who’s to blame for not enough traffic responding to your profile.  Go on, now!

If you went to your local bar with your hair a bedraggled mess, without brushing your teeth, applying make up or deodorising, what chances would your stand of pulling? None, other than the drunk in the corner.

Dating site profiles are no different. They represent you – you may be the catch of the decade, but if your profile doesn’t say that, how on earth are the millions of other dating site members outside your little bubble going to know?

The gravity of success your time spent online dating will be comensurate to the time and effort you put in to crafting and maintaining your online profile.

We conclude today’s thread in the next article with an overview of dating sites in general and why going for a paid membership will always beat a free dating site on levels of service hands down, every time.

Economy fears brushed aside for loaded daters

It’s not only the monotony of Christmas spent with the family that’s driving singles to the dating sites, as their volumes reach record figures, week on week.

A fear of being alone as the recession strikes is driving singles with more money than sense to high-end dating sites in the metropolis that is New York.

Being able to seek out and afford that latest little number from Gucci appears to be no qualification for being able (or willing) to find love for those who can afford to sign up to the growing number of dating sites willing to relieve you of $1,000 per month or more for the privilege of searching their database for your suitable match.

In a recent interview with Crains New York, one such proprietor has reported that they have doubled their client base in the last two years and how, during that time, the number of exclusive dating sites of this nature has trebled.

Based in Manhattan (where else), Lisa Clampett’s ‘VIP Life’ is a high-profile dating agency which serves the male population only in their quest for the perfect partner.

In order to preserve that personal touch that is demanded by a $12,000/per annum membership fee, she restricts the client base to a maximum of 30 persons at any given time. Okay, it probably doesn’t pan out this way but, that’s one man per day in an average month, each paying $1,000/month for that one day’s service…
…money for old rope, you may think, if you’re a seasoned dating site user.

But this is where the similarities between your mainstream dating site and this level of service end.

According to the report in Crains, for that monthly dating membership fee, dating sites and agencies of this nature do not only match you based on an algorithm they’ve created against a set of pre-defined search terms, oh no.

These niche sites serve businessmen who have not come by the money to afford this service by clocking on 9-5 but rather have thrown themselves into their respective industries and dating has sort of passed them by.

As such, the relationship experts who work for these sort of dating sites can be expected to teach their clients across a whole range of aspects relating to courting a new beau.

This can mean that the dating site professional chooses the date for the member, picks the setting and the time, grooms the gentleman in the art of wooing, picks out suitable attire to attend the liaison and may even have to educate on keeping a conversation going at the dinner table and provide instruction (theoretical, one assumes) on the elements of what may come to pass in the bedroom if the date is an absolute success.

Needless to say, usual rules of first dates do not apply when there’s this much cash and this level of vetting of clientele involved, a marked difference from some of the more suspect advances one receives on free dating sites.

I wonder if they’d give me a discount for a one-month membership if I gave them a glowing review…?

Dating site getting better by degree?

In the interest of fair competition, it’s unusual for us here on dating.org.uk to mention other online dating sites by name. We are, after all, a dating comparison site – or will be when we’re fully up and functional – so would otherwise refrain from influencing your decision.

However, we will make an exception tonight by mentioning a site specifically set up to help harried New Yorkers find love interests online, following a hard day’s graft in the city that never sleeps. You’d hardly think they’d need assistance, with a slogan like that but, apparently, the residents of The Big Apple rely upon matchmaking sites, too.

In these days of instant gratification, whereby if we can afford the technology or manpower to hire a machine or someone else to do something for us to save us bothering, perhaps today’s announcement by Sparkology.com shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

The site, which is extremely top-end of the market, and who’s membership is by invitation only, has announced it has enlisted the services of “dating Concierges Donna Barnes, Laurie Davis, and Jojo Yang to their team.” Yep – you read it correctly – people who are ‘specialists’ in online dating.

Donna even has a graduate certificate to prove it, being an NYU-certified Dating and Relationship coach. Well, it was either that or Molecular Science – must have been a close call.

The theory behind hiring these online dating site assistants is to give the top-notch dating site membership holders a hand if they are struggling to create a profile or plan a date. The belief being that if someone can help the NY singles set create their dating profile and help them organise their liaisons, it will allow them more time to be themselves. And they don’t see the irony…
…Laurie Davies, on the other hand, as well as having input to the mentally challenging tasks of picking out the selling points of your profile, is “…an expert in navigating the vast and often confusing intersection of dating and technology.”

Oh, my head! I have a vision of T. C. wearing a pair of Sparkology shades, reprising the Kindergarten Cop role and it won’t go away.

Jojo takes the bull by the horns and helps members, based on profile information, plan the first off-screen date.

Furthermore, “She interprets members’ interests and preferences to help them plan highly customized and creative dates.” No danger of square pegs in round holes there, then. Pig-tail pulling and making fart sounds with your armpit are also banished.

Alex Furmansky, the dating website’s founder, pontificates over what makes Sparkology different. And, yep, hiring concierges to tell the dating site members what any self-respecting adult should know about themselves anyway is about the top and tail of it.

Oh, and there are differing levels of packages available, which presumably attract relative price tags. You can get in-depth feedback from ‘Doctor Donna’, as well as image advice, following a ‘face-to-face’ session (via web-cam, presumably). And Laurie will give your profile a DigiReview, if you really are struggling to see what’s wrong with it.

You can read the full article, here; if you do get an invite to join, please send me feedback – I think I’ve probably blown my chance of a DigiReview or invitation by special request and I’d soooo love to see the before and afters…

…but, let’s face it – if someone did need that level of help with their dating site profile, would they make that interesting a date?

‘Net’s net nett dating effect – part one

how one dating website is dealing with scammers

With the ever growing numbers of dating site members, not to mention the amount of actual matchmaking sites out there in cyber space these days, it is good to know that at least some of the more proficient ones have their singles’ best interests at heart.

With volumes of lonely hearts flooding dating websites across the internet, like the scent of blood to sharks, so the pariahs follow for their pound of flesh. Scamming is the pestilence that is the Achilles heel of the internet dating scene; no matter how genuinely hard some of the more prominent personals sites work to keep out this nuisance, there always seem to be take to take every successful bad apple’s place.

But, realistically, what can the administration of dating websites do to protect its trusting members from being, in a crass term, ripped-off beyond belief, by imposters who play on others low self-esteem and gullibility. Don’t be fooled – they can be difficult to spot; these fraudsters have been trained by the best and can pick out a weakness in even the most fortified of dating profiles.

As we have reported on countless occasions, here on dating.org.uk, there are ways in which the ever-approachable dating site member can arm ourselves without becoming too abrupt. But it’s good to see support from the webmasters of dating sites, platforms upon which we not only open up our hearts but also, seemingly, all too often our purses, too.

Okay, you accept that on a free dating site, where the revenue from sponsorship and advertising is the nett capital income of the company behind the web page, that admin and security are going to be minimal. But we all feel, especially in cash-strapped UK, dating sites that we contribute a monthly or quarterly membership fee to should not just leave it to us to filter out the phishes, but they should get their hands dirty, too.

Thankfully, one such dating website has done just that and perhaps is a yardstick that other such adult contact sites should measure themselves by.

To look further into the measures they are taking to protect you, proceed to part two…

Dating sites viewed with trepidation in Southern Asia

Survey reveals 60% of United Arab Emirates see internet dating as untrustworthy

An investigation undertaken in UAE of almost 800 people reported that tradition is holding firm over the global rise in dating site numbers.

A professor from UAE University attributed the attitude towards online dating communities as suspicious due to the sanctity of marriage being a life commitment, not just something you can buy on the web and return it if it doesn’t suit.

In other areas, the survey did show the populace as active on the internet, with 7 in 10 respondents trusting the platform to pay bills and 6 out of 10 see it as a viable medium to air their views on society as a whole.

In further reflection, Dr Al Oraimi acknowledged that, although the region was going through a transitional period, given that it is only 40 years old long-standing customs show no signs of changing any time soon; therefore searching for a partner online is, more often than not, ruled out as an option.

Another insight, from a Palestinian living in Dubai, added that family units have become extremely protective of their own, sometimes overly so, since the second world war. Indeed, anyone from outside of that unit is viewed as a stranger; that would include anyone introduced to the family via a dating site platform, regardless if they had been invited by someone within.

Following on in that vein, Dr Al Oraimi reminded us that parental vetting is still very much a part of the courtship process, including knowledge of the background of anyone entering a long-term relationship with their children. However, given the lack of support any offspring would receive should the potential marriage fail, many do not even consider searching online dating profiles as a viable option in the first instance.

Shaadi, which means marriage, is one of South Asia’s more prominent ‘introduction’ sites. Gauruv Rakshit, the contact site’s business brain, is of an opinion that underlines another aspect foreign to the Western World.

He understands that the custom still favours arranged marriages, where families meet to discuss their compatibility and that of the intended life-partners; if the two parties are agreed, the wedding will happen, regardless of any objections by bride or groom.

His attempt at reversing this trend via the personals site has several options for singles wishing to meet outside this tradition, attracting 70,000 members to date, with a further 8,000 new members joining, month on month.

So, although tradition holds firm in most regions, there are signs that individuals are starting to grip their futures by the horns, and step outside the practises held dear for so long.

A whole lotta love, oh my!

the lies that top the dating site charts

Given that misrepresenting yourself on any type of website, especially dating sites, may soon lead to a criminal record, it seems that many adult contact site members may soon need to polish up their acts.

According to a recent survey of 1,000 singles, men are slightly more prone to stretching the truth, but neither sex is whiter than white when it comes to spinning yarns to attract potential partners via their personals profile.

Ironically, the dating website that commissioned the survey, and subsequently managed to compile a top-ten of lies it’s members told in their dating profiles, went on to state “…we’re the only dating website with an authenticity app that verifies members look as they have represented themselves in their photos.”

I just can’t imagine the tales, then, that dating sites which don’t have such rigid security measures members may tell; The Little Match-Up Girl’s site, perhaps, or Pinocchio’s Pin-Ups.

Anyway, in no particular order, here are the porkies that the global participants admitted to fibbing about in a attempt to attract more beautiful people to them.

Men’s highest consideration was about how their career was perceived, by stating that they actually held down a better job than they did. Women also hinted about a fictitious glamorous profession, but it only appeared seventh in their top ten, with the number 10 spot being filled by ‘working in entertainment’ the only other time women considered their career worth lying about.

In contrast, imaginary jobs represented a recurring theme throughout the male top ten: number 6 in the poll was the pretence that their role was more senior than in actuality; number 7, they made their job ‘interesting’, whilst the number 10 spot in the lie-list saw men claiming to work in the film industry.

The top pitfall for women was lying about their weight, where their dating profile was regularly slimmer than the off-line version; however, that buxomness rarely left the upper torso as the bra-size was regularly inflated and appeared at number 6 in the women’s fib-folio.

Weight was also in the top three for men, although their weight differentiate could go either way; for those either lacking in testosterone-boosted muscles or over-burdened by too many beers saw them choosing to lose or gain pounds to suit the target market. Physique followed next, with both slim-jims and podgy people claiming falsely to be athletic.

Age was the second biggest concern for women, as their online self rolled back the years from the real them. A toned physique was the third most popular porky, with height appearing fourth.

There were categories that held equal import for both men and women; having money appeared at number 5 in both lists; numbers 8 & 9 were similarly ‘knowing celebrities’ and having a PA’, respectively.

So, one thing we do know for certain about the dating site members who’d successfully hood-winked the truth app and took part in the survey is, if the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act does have its powers expanded to prosecute anyone who misrepresents themselves online, the next form they’ll be filling in is app-lication for bail…

Sittin’ in the dock of e-bay

Stretching dating site truths could earn you a stretch

Social media, dating sites, online auctions – all of these internet-based platforms require you to have a ‘user-name’. All also have ‘terms of service’, which you must agree to abide before you can complete your membership.

But does anyone signing up to join online dating communities, in particular, actually read these rules and regulations? Given the bill that The White House is attempting to force through, now may be a good time to print off a copy of your matchmaking guidelines as, by not adhering to them, you could very soon be breaking the law, with the penalty quite possibly culminating in a custodial sentence.

But Obama’s party are pushing to make these lengthy transcripts, which are largely ignored by the majority of singles looking for love online, legally binding. So how is this especially bad for dating websites?

If you care to open your dating site’s terms and conditions, scroll through them as you did when you signed up, but this time stop at the key phrase applicable to this bill, which will read something like: “by accepting the terms of service of [x dating site], you agree not to provide inaccurate, misleading or false information.”

How this is going to be policed, and how any subsequent prosecutions are going to prioritised, we are yet to see. Certainly, the catalyst for this move to increase the scope of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act was the unsuccessful prosecution of evil mom Lori Drew. Her constant diatribe, under an assumed name, against a 13-yr old who went on to kill herself as a result was unable to be brought to trial under a criminal act and also failed to secure a conviction for violating MySpace’s terms of service under restricting impersonation, although they clearly did.

Many people who communicate, do business or provide relevant information for others across these mediums share the same name. There must be thousands of people across the globe who, by not being able to submit their real name as their dating site identity (as it will not be unique) will be breaking this law the moment they sign up under a pseudonym. Whether the name they choose instead of their own duplicates another’s is intentional or not, they may be risking prosecution from the outset.

How disastrous would it be if all of the John Smith’s were instructed to use their real name as their user id on their matchmaking site, with only their password the differentiate, for someone to subsequently arrange a date with the wrong John Smith!?

This passes the burden of responsibility onto the dating site involved and what they authorise as permissible on their platform. If they relax their terms to a degree which allows some deviation, then the gates are re-opened for impersonators, once more.

This surely calls for apps like the tru.ly app, which draws upon government records for verification, to be part and parcel of the sign up process for dating websites across the globe. Job done.

Dating sites insight to true romance 2

who do you think you are?

As more of our spare time is expended on line, the internet, dating sites in particular, have become a hotbed of data for collators of information appertaining to human psychology.

Very few platforms entice us to divulge as much of our private lives as matchmaking sites. However, cutting between the exaggerations on dating site members’ profiles to ascertain truths worthy of inclusion in the evaluation was key to providing meaningful results.

If you are just about to join your first dating site, or are a seasoned user sick of meeting partners who do not live up to the billing, some of the tactics used by the scientists assessing over 1,000,000 online dating profiles may come in handy. We’ll look at those in more depth in part three of this series.

This is not a brand new phenomenon – science and dating sites have been bed partners before, where similar techniques were used in the design and development of chemistry.com. The advantage of using real-life testimonials over those induced under ‘theoretical’ conditions is that the background context is both more credible and allows access to volumes that would be unfeasible, otherwise.

Although the study concentrated mainly on heterosexual blossoming relationships, being more representative of the online dating community as a whole, a separate study did reveal a higher propensity towards meeting online for same-sex partners, with over 60% hooking up via a matchmaking facility, compared with a fifth of heterosexuals, which in itself is still a sizeable amount.

Before we look at how the scientists broke down the information to decide who was telling porkies, here’s just a few of the traits that you can expect any potential online partner to divulge via their profile.

Their were some outlandish exaggerations of the truth but, after members of an online dating site agreed to be measured, there was a definite pattern revealed in the online representation and the reality.

Concerning weight, both sexes came up light, online; for women, their dating profile self was over half a stone lighter than the reality, whereas men were a little more accurate, being just a couple of pound heavier in the flesh.

Height was more accurately gauged, although men did tend to add an extra half-inch; no change there, then.

And age, surprisingly, was the least lied about aspect; however, the profile photos of females tended to be taken 18 months ago, compared to their male counterparts’ shots being a third of that, at only six months old.

So, next time you’re perusing potential partners online, the camera may not be lying, but are you checking out archive footage?

Dating sites insights to true romance 3

dating site profiles unveil secret fingerprint

Following one of the biggest ever reports by data scientists evaluating dating site profiles and the accuracy of the details contained therein, we have a better insight than ever into the make up of matchmaking site members.

If you’re new to online dating, getting started in itself can be an uphill task – the last thing you need is having your confidence shattered by falling for someone whose representation of themselves is deliberately misleading.

It has been recognised that the temptation to shed a few pounds on your dating profile or use a not-so-up-to-date photo is too great for many to resist; however, there are unscrupulous singles whose vivid imaginations can paint a picture altogether unlike the real them. The researchers used sophisticated software to assist analysis of the syntax that broke down elements to highlight patterns to help identify those who may be leading you up the garden path.

There are several reasons attributed to why some members feel they have to lie about themselves in order to attract their target partner. One of the reasons dating site members lie on their profiles was akin to ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ – after looking at similar dating profiles, some singles seeking to attract a partner would bend their profiles to meet the expectations of the people they were trying to attract and ‘one-up’ themselves over the competition.

This has had a positive effect for some members of the dating site community. If they have identified a need to make themselves more attractive to a particular group, rather than consistently lie about it, they have actually looked to self-improve to attain the necessary stature to meet those requirements.

Liars use a certain language, too, both in the words they use and the emotions expressed. Sentences tend to be shorter and, rather than develop aspects of their character that other dating site members may find attractive, their profile is dotted with negatives, like ‘not’ and ‘never’. However, when expressing emotions, that negativity disappears, with a distinct lack of reference of feeling sad or upset. If they do, they tend to use the third person – all of which points to a distancing of them with the real them.

Other surprising findings from the study reveal that we are not perhaps the close-knit multi-racial society we think we are. Over 80% of approaches made to other singles by white members were to other whites. The black community, however, were far more likely to initiate contact with whites.

And guys who spend every other night in the gym may want to think about revoking their memberships. Women prefer men who are tall, will make allowances for a little extra poundage but, most of all, the pounds in the wallet are what really counts. So, gents, if you’re working out to get a woman, save your pennies!

Men, on the other hand, were more eager to respond to women slightly underweight with a less domineering physique.

And, lastly, to increase your chances of a long-term relationship, keep your political preferences to yourself. True – most long-term relationships show that the couples therein bat for the same party.

Pretty as your picture

dating profiles write-ups as important as photo

As more and more singles get used to using dating sites, there is a growing aptitude to be able to discern a potential partner’s suitability without having to view the profile photograph.

Far from delivering many dating sites‘ promises of being able to matchmake you, whatever you look like, a recent US study has shown savvy female dating site members can deduce whether the male they’re checking out is eye-catching enough from what they write about themselves to warrant taking their interest any further.

In recent studies revealed here on dating.org.uk, we have seen how people are beginning to detect when members are stretching the truth about themselves beyond accepted parameters. Now, it seems, there is no hiding place at all if you have anything to conceal.

The study was simple enough in its format and utilised only a small section of participants. However, the results were persuasive enough for them to be adjudged conclusive and representative of the online dating community as a whole.

Using a group of fifty budding female active dating site members, the researchers presented them with one hundred male profiles. The criteria given to mark them on was their overall attractiveness, set against theoretical dating encounters: would they accept an invitation for either a date, an intimate fling or a long-term, lasting encounter.

In order that the group of women did not see a corresponding photograph to the text of the male profiles, they were split into sets of 25, to ensure unbiased judging, and asked to judge both on the impression from the write up and the chosen dating profile pic.

It transpired that men who were considered to good-looking from their photgraph were able to compose written text that enabled the confidence that being pleasant on the eye imbues to shine through. Whereas, those dating site members who were considered less attractive had similarly unflattering write-ups.

So, if you take the knowledge gleaned from our recent ‘insight’ articles, which highlights where members may be stretching the tolerances accepted by the online dating community as a whole, and apply those along with the character that emits through a write and still like the potential partner that you’ve singled out to run those tests on, you should really think about approaching them.

If, as the adage goes, like attract like, there should be no reason why your initiation doesn’t provoke a positive response.

Of course, the real proof of the pudding will be in the eating, but a lot of the guesswork should have been taken out and the man in the flesh should at least resemble that online dating profile that has moved you to action, thus far.