Be lucky in love: keep your online dating profile honest and appealing

You need to keep your online dating profile both honest and appealing if you’re looking to be lucky in love, regardless if you’re looking for some fun or a serious relationship.

Sure, it can be tempting to roll back time by a few years in order to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex, but this isn’t always the best choice. For most people, age is nothing more than a number – especially when you meet the right person – so being honest about your age will show the other person you’re trustworthy and that you’re committed to an open and honest relationship.

Honesty is an important part of your approach to your online dating profile, but so is your general outlook as well. You need to embrace your positive side and avoid coming across as miserable or negative to potential suitors, as nobody wants to date someone who’s tied up and held back by their own self-loathing.

Even if you do feel miserable sometimes, don’t let this colour how you present yourself in an online or mobile dating environment. Not only that, but don’t inundate a potential partner with too much information on your profile – leave something to the imagination, not to mention something to talk about after the first date!

Keeping your profile honest, positive, and simple has another benefit as well: it gives you less room to brag about your personal accomplishments. Yes, you may be proud about your big, roomy house, your two cars, and your big fat paycheque, but bragging about your success instead of being humble and modest makes you come across as materialistic or shallow.

Tongue-tied and twisted? Plan your date outside the box

There are occasions when the effortless speech that flows freely from fingers on dating sites deserts even the most seasoned singles when it comes to dating in real life. A few changes in thought concepts and a bit of indirect practise could bring you to life on that first date when otherwise, for all the world, you look like you’re waiting for the ventriloquist’s hand to work its magic.

If you don’t have a lot of success dating it may not be down to all of the things you beat yourself up about after the event. Being sociable is a skill that only gets honed with practise. If you’ve met another single on your dating site and you know you ‘don’t get out much’, do something about it. Look to see what your friends are up to, get down to the café or bar just to get used to being in a social environment and participate.

People who spend a lot of time online dating and don’t have a great deal of success on their first date tend to read a lot about how to make dating a success (Et voilà – bon soir!). My guess is that, next to the laptop is a note book with about 200 bullet points that you believe you need to get through on your first date, if you’ve taken all of the online advice to heart.

Yes, the first date is about finding out about your potential partner but it is not an inquisition. Don’t forget, they want to find out about you, too. Don’t feel like you’re putting them under pressure – you’ll not only have them leaving for the exit, but that (hopefully) school ma’am inquisitor is not who you really are, is it? Get a general overview of what you want to find out, get the deal-breakers out of the way (date two is pointless, otherwise) and then just let the rest of it flow.

When the time does come around for you to impart a little of who you are, don’t be shy! Honesty is the best policy and if there’s stuff you like doing, let your partner know about it. But not heavy, personal information. That will have to wait until the relationship can support it and will have your partner making excuses if you lay it down too thickly on the first date. And that definitely includes exes!

Whilst you’ve been reading about other’s successes dating, you will no doubt have taken in several accounts of singles who have been remarkably proficient and go on first dates time and again, just because they love doing it. Whatever you do, do not start trying to measure up to those standards. Flirtatious people attract that lifestyle and it comes naturally to them. It comes back to what you want from the date, no one else.

Plan ahead, too. Choose an activity and location that’s a little off-beat. Off beat, not off the beaten track! Yes, make it quirky, that will be an ice breaker in itself. But stay close to where you’re familiar for the first few dates until you’re sure your partner’s trustworthy and, for safety’s sake, don’t invite them home for the same reasons until you’re absolutely sure of their integrity. Now, go get ’em, tiger. And let your heart do the talking!

Where’s that chatterbox I met on the dating site?

There are an awful lot of singles out here in dating land who can e-mail, private message and text as if they were trying to beat the monkey to write the complete works of Shakespeare. Their dating profile is extensive and they may only get around to replying to four messages a night because of how fluently conversations flow once they become ‘that person’ everyone knows them as on their dating site. Once stuck behind that keyboard, they could host a marathon of chat-shows that would put Wossy to shame.

But put that same person in front of a web-cam or in a real, live date situation, and it’s as if their brain’s hit the vocal cord mute button. This is often an involuntary reaction, perhaps brought on by the pressure they feel to impress, they’re taken out of their comfort zone so their confidence is undermined or are just too darned scared of saying the wrong thing.

This happens to a lot of people (writers, mainly!); away from the safe distance that sets them at ease and lets (un)natural conversation flood out when rattling away on their dating site on a date, they are desperate in this induced silence to find that spark that ignites once they’ve logged on and settled into their dating persona.

With every passing moment they feel the pressure building more – what is wrong with them? Why can’t they find the words that got them to this stage, the first date, in the first place? Soon, that is their only goal, to not come across as shy or ignorant – inside, they are cringing and praying that the date is going well, although focus has been lost and all hope of regaining some sort of control of the situation, unless the other party takes charge, has disappeared on this occasion.

Will they get a second chance? Their brain is screaming to sort a second date, time to gather themselves and ‘do better next time; but that dating site fluency has deserted them and they cannot even ask for the opportunity, that they doubt will come about anyway. Another chance blown, and they’ll be left to rue the consequences, quite vociferously through their finger-tips, when they write the world what a schmuck they were on ‘that date’ they’d been building up to for an age.

But will it be any better next time around? They sigh, think probably not, then log back on to their dating site and start the whole process over again.

Does that story ring any bells?  Don’t fear – help is at hand. In the next article, we’ll look at how planning, mental clarity and not assuming anything can help you overcome this very real experience that many, many singles experience on their first date.

Ever wonder if you “could do better” with online dating?

As much as we extol the virtues of online dating, we have to hold our hands up and say: ‘it’s not for everyone’. Or rather, it’s perhaps not for everyone who expects the world of dating online to be like the old way, which was meeting someone at work or in a bar or that a relationship exactly like their last one is right there waiting for them online.

There are a couple of popular misconceptions about meeting someone on a dating site:
1. You have to be crazy to do it – if that’s the case, then there’s a whole load of crazy people out there doing online dating, and doing it well
2. Online dating is easy – it’s not as simple as pop a few pieces of information into a questionnaire and your perfect partner’s name will pop out on a little laminated card that you can put in your purse or wallet allowing you to then just skip along the pavement until the nuptials.

For one thing, no one has ever actually proven that their scientific algorithms work – not that any one of the top mainstream dating sites will share the exact calculations they use to perform the matchmaking process or how they pair singles together.  And secondly, the most worthwhile relationships are those that take time to nurture, that hold back in anticipation and certainly do not try to compare their expectations with their past experiences.  A little piece of paradise exists for us all here on this tawdry planet, but we’ve got to find that yellow brick road before we can head off into the sunset along it, hand in hand with our perfect partner and that takes time, patience and bein open to new experiences.

What is very obvious, and this has been absolutely personified in a blog I’ve read this evening, and that is: if you sign up for your dating site expecting the worst, that’s what you’ll get.

If your dating site profile screams:
1. ‘I’m only doing this because I’m desperate’, or
2. ‘I was three sheets to the wind when my mate suggested I do this and I probably won’t remember speaking to you in the morning’, or
3. ‘my mates have got me to try this out and I’m only doing this to shut them up’,
you’ll get the responses that those sentiments deserve.

Now, you’re not telling me that, if you were browsing through the myriad expectant faces and plethora of prospective partners on your dating site that, if you came across a profile that even suggested any of those things that you’d bookmark it or waste a ‘token’ on getting in touch; well, unless you were actually desparate yourself. Not exactly the basis of beautiful relationship though, perhaps you’ll forgive me for suggesting.

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The right time or wrong time to sign up for online dating?

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Where dating sites and bars are alike is that if you expressed any of those traits whilst you were in a bar, namely either utter desperation, being off your face or dismissive and in denial (as outlined in the preceding article) the only individuals you would possibly attract would be, in the cold light of day, classed as undesirable. Harsh, and I’m sorry, but that’s the truth of it. If you were exhibiting any of the above mentioned attitudes down your local, you may end up pulling only because the person you end up with had no better offer. In a bar, yes, you may get that opportunity.

On dating sites, however, the chances of anyone returning with so many other thousands or millions of members in the dating site community to choose from are remote. If any of those descriptions sound like the circumstances under which you signed up for your dating site and you’re not doing as well as you’d hoped or you’re ready to give up because you’re only attracting losers, take a fresh look at your profile. Read between the lines of what you’ve actually written and ask yourself – or better still, ask a friend who’ll be honest with you – what do those words say about me?

The person who wrote the blog I read this evening, although I’ve not read their dating site profile, I know would scream at least one (if not all) of the above traits without those words actually appearing on the screen before me. With the addition of the killer line, that punctuated everything they wrote – not directly, but with references in the opening paragraph and comparisons throughout the blog – which I guess would have gone along the lines of: “okay, I’m gonna give you a try, but don’t expect too much coz you’re just not my ex!”

There are good reasons for joining dating sites and not so advisable ones; if you’re looking for someone who’s just like your ex, well, you’ve got their number already. Either make the decision to move on or be prepared for a whole load of unfulfilling dates before you realise you have to.

Online dating can seem like a massive place with so many members, but you’ll be surprised how quick the reputation of time-waster or even scammer can be picked up.  It may not be up to you to call the shots regarding who you do and don’t date if that type of reputation precedes you.

Don’t let the millions of dating sites grind you down

For those of you new to the world of online dating, the plethora of dating sites spattered across the internet can be daunting. Once your profile is keyed in, and that can be a task in its own rite, there are so many other new facilities to get used to.

What you absolutely do not want, after spending possibly hours tweeking your profile so that it is the real you people can approach, is then having to wait for hours for your first bite.

One of the absolute key elements about making your online dating experience work for you is deciding what you want to get out of the experience.

Are you just testing the water?

Dating sites can be as fun or as serious as you want them to be. How you use them will be as much as an influence on the results you get back as the effort you’re putting in.

For example, you may only want to use the faclity as a contact website. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or are recently divorced, the odds are you will not have dated for a length of time. Boy, how things have changed.

You may only want to use your service to pick up hints and tips that you can take into the realm of offline dating. This, of course, is fine, but you may exclude a sector of the dating site membership if you actually write that you’re only using their community to do a bit of flirting. Keep that bit to yourself to encourage the most overall response.

Check out the wild side of online dating

When you’re in a long term relationship, the blinkers are off; many couples experiment with sex as a way to bring their closeness together and find out about themselves in a way they never thought imaginable.

If you’ve missed out on letting your hair down there are many adult dating sites that can accomodate your every need – and some you never thought possible, or even legal.

It is important, however, to wait until you’ve built someone’s trust before mentionging this type of activity or alternatively join a site that expressly allows you to divulge that nature of information.

Your profile for the world to see

Now, this is gonna be hard to believe, but one or both halves of a married couple have been known to use dating sites.

Yep, it’s true – the sacred vow of marriage can be no barrier to accessing singles looking for a fling, or even other married folk looking for a little extra-curricular dating activity.

If you do not want your significant other to find out about your website activity, choose a dating site that keeps your information private and does not display your personal information for the world to see. This may mean you have to join a paid site as free dating sites use any means possible to increase their revenue, which may mean selling your information.

The downside to joining a paid dating site facility, especially if you have a joint banking account, is that your monthly subscription will show on the statement – be sure to create an account elsewhere to ensure you don’t get caught out this way.

In order to get the best results from your dating site, be true to your own personality from the outset. If you are looking for something a little out of the ordinary, but are wary of adult dating sites, build up trust with other members before you either get a reputation on the site or the site admin choose to suspend your membership if enough of the dating community complain.

No Pope for newlyweds

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Logged on to our dating sites, found tons of e-mails or private messages to open, casually checking the gravatar that helps you decide whether you like the look of the sender in the pop-up, only to find a toothy skin ‘ead staring back at you.

You don’t care that they claim to have once had a number one hit with a Prince song; when that dating profile catalogues three previous failed marriages, which has borne four children, and pops up next to a bare-shouldered, tattooed-arms snapshot, you’re reaching for the mouse to instinctively click the ‘delete’ button. You are hovering though, because that close-shaved scalp does have a sensational pair of eyes set beneath, but then you pan down to see another tattoo, as equally as morose as those on the arms, a depiction of Jesus embedded in the dating site hopeful’s chest. You can almost feel the index finger being drawn to the left click to send the request to date offline to the trash.

From that dark, sorrowful tattoo your eyes are instinctively drawn further down the dating site profile picture – your mind has already dismissed this possible candidate and is hoping against hope that the next e-mail is from someone a little less gruesome. So what your peepers take in next, from the very edge of peripheral vision, your brain cannot quite compute. In the panic of meltdown, you realise that this thrice-married dating site member who has deigned to approach you, with haircut cropped to the cranium, skin indecently incarcerated in ink…
…has a pair of female breasts! Nothing compares to this, you whisper under your breath. That’s when realisation dawns – Skin ‘ead O’Connor is asking you on a date. Aargh!

whisked away to white chapel

Well, for 38-year-old Barry Herridge, the history, the tats and the legendary hairstyle only encouraged him to reply to the Irish pop star’s dating site profile after she announced on her blog that she had become ‘sex-starved’.

Barry, who works in Ireland’s capital, Dublin, as an addiction therapist sent Sinead a ‘wonderful’ e-mail that not only changed her mind about marrying for a fourth time but managed to accomplish the feat within three months of meeting the Number One songstress.

The swift ceremony, held at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Nevada, was attended by only the bride, groom and a cameraman; in a two fingered salute to over-publicised weddings, the snapshot of the empty chapel bore the caption ‘celebrity guests at our wedding‘. Certainly not Okay, there, then.

Let the real you shine through

Dating profiles are the key to success

If you want a flood of interested parties flooding your inbox with invitations to date, it’s not purely your dating profile photo that needs to be picture perfect. Hobbies, interests and even job history are all ice breakers that could have suitable prospects initiating contact instead of timewasters.

There a thousands of better than average good looking people on any dating site you care to log on to, but what lies beyond those pixels is paramount to you making a go of any desired encounter.

One of the many reasons attributed to relationships not going the distance is when the partnership becomes symbiotic, where one half relies completely on the other to survive. Living in each others pockets is a sure fire way to drown any flame before the flicker truly ignites.

But that’s not to say that that’s got to be the case.

If you are someone who gets plenty of opportunities to date but never seems to be able to follow through, it’s worth asking yourself if you are one of many devoted partners who abandons their own personality to fling themselves totally into your significant other’s lifestyle from the off.

Ask yourself why you got the invitation to meet up in the first place. It is acceptable to make some allowances when meeting up, but partners approached you on the dating website because of your personality, not your ability to mould seamlessly into theirs. Like you, if they are in it for a long-term relationship and are serious about it, they will be making allowances for you, too.

A good yardstick, if you are concerned that you may be giving up too much of yourself, is to ask your family and friends, true friends, if they notice changes in you whenever you start dating someone new.

Do you drop all of your lifelong friends in an instant? Do your other online friends think you have been abducted by aliens? Has your language become different – do you include sayings and terms that you’ve picked up from your partner that you’d never dream of using, in any other context?

If any of this rings true, then give yourself a long, hard look in the mirror. Providing that that person is the one you’ve described on your dating site profile, then that’s the person who people want to go out with.

Retain that element that is you to realise a long, rewarding partnership.