Shut your aunty up – date an escort

If you’re anything like me, over the years you’ve had enough of your aunty, lovely and well-intentioned though she may be, harping on about the fact that you’re still single, “at [my] age!”

Being of old fashioned stock and holding the purse-strings to our family’s financial fortune (rumoured to be a lot more than it actually is, but we still let her believe that she retains a hold over us, for some odd reason), I have yet to tell her that I do have an active love life, however it involves frequenting dating sites. Dependent upon my mood or what prior business engagements stack up in my diary will dictate which one is appropriate at any given time.

Hello, aunty, here is that girlfriend you keep asking about…she used to be an escort

With Christmas approaching this year, the parties on the way in the office, my mind turned towards the family dos, starting with the grand gathering on Christmas at said slightly demented aunty’s large house in the country. To be fair, that house is probably worth more than the family fortune; I don’t think she knows it. Bless

Now, on my dating sites, I have a lot of friends, some dearer than others; some a lot closer than others. A lot.

I could not, however, have put any of my dating site community peers through this charade. Many of them, like I, use free dating sites because we just are not ready for the whole commitment thing. With so much talent looking for a little adult fun online of a similar mind, why would you?

I was talking, after one of the equally staged works’ parties before the festive break, to a colleague; we’d escaped to the relative sanity of the hotel bar, far from the madding crowd, indeed. We were both two out of the three sheets to the wind (m’colleague closer than I) as I started to outline my dilemma, i.e., how do I enjoy the family gathering without offending either my aunty or one of my fellow dating site members by subjecting them to the festive farce.

“You use dating shitesch, right?”, my colleague asked, swilling and spillng a glass of festive cheer in my face as they did so. After answering in the affirmative, that yes, I certainly did avail myself of online dating facilities, I was beckoned closer to their ear in an overly confidential manner.

I turned so they could lean closer and, after catching and securing them by the elbow, they whispered “Eshcortsch!” into my ear, then wobbled back into their barstool, into what was as close to an upright position as they were going to achieve for the rest of the evening, and looking as if they’d just revealed the combination to the lock that contained my aunty’s deeds.

Escorts! I thought to myself the next morning, as I woke up in the ground floor hotel room, and instantly flipped up the laptop to search for Escort dating agencies in my area. Never a good idea when you’ve had a few, so I left it well alone, the night before. I was surprised at how many there were…
…not as surprised as my aunty, when I turned up at our party a few nights later with one on my arm…

Love by numbers

Chinese dating fair yens for compassion

It was hardly a surprise that the numbers attending a recent dating fair in Shanghai exceeded all expectations, given that there are 180 million eligible singles living in the country as a whole.

The two day LoveExpo event, which had 10,000 tickets available for each day, attracted almost twice the amount over the weekend, with 18,500 present on the Saturday and an estimated 20,000 on the Sunday. The queues to gain access to the event were so long, any pretence of the festival turning into a love-in were soon dissipated, as angry mothers and hopeful and curious romantics threatened to petition The Mayor of Shanghai over the farcical arrangements.

Instead of waiting to enter the venue, organised by 40 of Shanghai’s dating agencies, many of the attendees took to pinning less-than romantic posters more like snippets of online dating profiles anywhere that they thought may be visible to a potential long-term partner.

With the expected number of surplus men in China expected to reach 24 million by the year 2020, it is little wonder that the practise of vetting potential son-in-laws is so rife.

There is an assumed responsibility in the country for the groom to buy their bride a new matrimonial home. With the average salary in the capital £5,000 per annum and the cost of a new home running at over £500,000, it seems that available brides will be hankered for by those on top salaries, with those single men at the lower end of the earning scale left with slim pickings.

In fact, only 38% of single women would even consider a ‘naked’ marriage, whereby a house and car wasn’t included in the deal. Compare that to UK dating, where the consensus of online dating site users is that they are just happy if their potential partner has a job; you can see the constraints that hold back free love in this pressure-oven of a city.

As a result, even if those bachelors were unable to attend the dating exhibition due to the heavy work commitments that living in Shanghai endows, their mothers went in their place to act as go-betweens. One hopeful 23 year-old single woman had between 20-30 mothers of bachelors approach her with their sons’ phone numbers

It does make you wonder how many women get left behind when it comes to dating in China, but one 27 year old explained how she was considered an old maid to still be unmarried. Having travelled 500km to attend the event in the hope of finding a long-term relationship, however, she would still not concede to accepting anyone, with her focus purely in men who could house any potential future marriage.

Another 61 year old woman, who attended the event behind her 34 year old daughters back, explained that her daughter would never use a dating agency and if she did happen to fall in love with someone beneath her standing, the family unit would “…step in and make sure she snapped out of it.”

So, unless you were one of the 5,000 couples who tied the knot in Shanghai on ‘Singles Day’, so called because of the numerical configuration of 11/11/11, you may have missed your chance with in the numbers game, unless you have several 0’s every month in your pay-cheque, that is…