Seniors dating experience is no anti-climax

Following on from yesterday’s insights into how US dating singles are previewing the year and their hopes and aspirations for a better 2012, certainly as far as finding their perfect partner online goes, we continue today by looking into the physical aspects of dating. Yesterday’s emotions were a bit of an eye-opener, based on those recent Match.com survey results, and there are a few surprises to be had today, too.

If I was to ask you, given that the difference is a whole twenty points: “Of the singles who took part in the survey, which of the two sexes would you think favoured moving in together within a year after meeting their partner on a dating site? “, what would your answer be? I’ll give you a clue – it wasn’t women!

It’s true. The theme from yesterday’s articles continues, proving that men are no longer afraid of the ‘c’ word. Almost half of the men said it would be good to start cohabiting in less than 12 months (46%) compared to a smidge over a quarter of the women who believed the same (26%).

And it seems that traditions are washing away as the new generation of love seekers replaces the old. Rather than hang their hat on social traditions, people are much more comfortable dating individuals who can satisfy their need for love and to love somebody, irrespective of ethnic or religious background (11%).

Marriage is also less of a prerequisite for the basis of a new relationship, with only 23% confirming that the ceremony was a necessary aspect to start dating someone. Children were even less of a concern, with only 26% of singles saying that planning offspring had to be a compatibility issue before they’d initiate proceedings on their dating site. Rather, confidence and trust are the ways forward for attracting your next date, with a whopping 93% of singles saying that this was of vital importance.

However, there is one aspect that, based on the dating site results, only gets better with age, like a full-bodied wine that’s been left unscrewed for too long. Yep, that’s a good old orgasm. It’s absolutely true. The Baby-Boomers did not get their reputation without good reason; the over sixties have the greatest success rate of reaching climax an amazing 91-100% of the time. That must be down to the partners they choose as senior singles are the largest group to demand romance and sexual attraction as a must in their new dating site partner.

Surprising statistics about the US male single

American men. Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Bruce Willis. Solid, dependable, proper men. Where are their proteges?

Looking at the results of the latest dating site survey from Match.com, they’ve all gone west, by the look of things.

The men who took part in the latest questionnaire must have been all ‘modern’ man as the results attest to some traditionally feminine virtues shining through. Depending upon how you view your man’s role in a dating relationship will either have you cooing at the prospect or throwing up – I’m staying non-committal, just reporting the facts, yer-ronnah.

By the time the males had reached the tender age of 30, 58% of those participants had an undying faith in love at first sight and reckon on having had experience of just that and the accompanying emotional relationship. Compare this to just over half of the women saying the same thing, you would have to surmise the latter are either more pragmatic or leave the whole falling in love thing until a bit later on, when they have more of an idea of what they’re looking for, especially as many of that age group have grown up with dating sites. Perhaps the ladies used dating site platforms more in their adolescence and realised there were more fish in the sea whilst the guys were trying out for the football or baseball teams, who knows?

But this theme continues. A whole ten percent more of men believed it more acceptable to show their feelings in the street, with 41% open to snogging in public compared to the 31% female vote. This sort of ties in with the loneliness vote, too.

More than a quarter of men believed solitude to be a challenging element of the single life, compare to a mere 22% of women. However, loneliness overall was just shaded by the feminine vote with a third reporting it as either ‘somewhat’ or ‘very’ stressful, compared to the men of whom just 31% saw being alone as a real issue.

Perhaps the male leaning overall to the loneliness issue explains another finding that dispells one urban dating myth and that’s their fear of the ‘c’ word. Despite popular rumours, men are willing to commit to a partner who is everything they are looking for but feel no love towards (31% men, 23% women) and a similar theme to being able to commit without feeling a stirring in the groin to accompany their devotion, with 27% of men stating that they could commit to a partner they do not feel sexually attracted to compared with only 22% of women admitting the same.

Much more to come from the study tomorrow, where we’ll be looking at the physical aspects of dating and long-term relationships, such as living together, appearance, life goals and sexual orientation. Can hardly wait.

First dates – keep the personal stuff to a minimum

There is a world of difference on your first date between letting your date know a little bit about you and you either giving them your life history or being that pleased with your achievements that you come across as boastful.

Money is a great thing to have but there are better ways of letting someone you’ve met on a dating site know about it other than by reeling off a list of what you bought with your ‘spare change’ or by actually dropping into the conversation your latest bonus or pay-rise. Sure, that’s the kind of stuff you need to be honest and open about when you’re in a long-term commitment together, but not the kind of subject you want to be discussing at a first date. If you’ve got class, it will shine through in your actions and personality; you won’t have to tell your date about it – they’ll work that one out.

And another slip-up that many singles often make when it’s their first time out with someone they’ve met through a dating site is asking how come the other’s unattached. If they want to discuss that (other than with someone whom they’ve developed a deep relationship), they’ll have mentioned the reason they’re single on their dating site profile or during private communication. If you have to ask, you’ve either not been paying them close enough attention or they’re not ready to talk about it with someone who they hardly know. Leave the subject of past relationships – even if you are totally stuck for anything else to say on your early dates – until your partner starts to open up about them.

Likewise, they will definitely not want to hear in too much detail about everyone you’ve ever snogged the face off. Please, try and remember, dating in the early stages is about getting to know your new partner – past relationships are just that: past. The clue’s in the question, folks.

As well as overwhelming questions, there is also the possibility of rushing the physical aspect of a new relationship. No matter who it is, no matter how good looking he/she is and how much they implore you for a little first date physicality, say no.

Unless, of course, the object of the date is purely on the pre-determined understanding that you’re just meeting up for an ‘online dating friends with benefits’ type of arrangement, of course. It has been known to happen but, generally speaking, if all someone wants is adult dating, they will head towards a dating site that specialises in quickie dates or one-off intimate liaisons; it is not the done thing on a first date with a member from one of the mainstream dating sites.

There is more about that aspect in our first date tips for him, for her and for the two of you series, if you need further clarification as to why that type of activity is not the best basis for a long-term relationship.

So, one more article to go for January from the #datingguruuk series, then we’re into the month of lurve…February!

Woman to woman

It’s interesting to see what commentators on online dating communicate to their own sex in the way of advice about the opposite sex. For those new to dating, on- or offline, the internet seems full of ‘good’ advice when, sometimes, you learn a longer lasting lesson by making the mistakes first, committing them to memory and, via the modem of self-awareness, use previous experiences as an alert when next put in a similar situation.

Reading through the news tonight, I came across a post by a young lady who literally did catalogue all the ‘dating don’ts‘ regarding how one’s behaviour on a first date may jeopardise a follow-up and how it really is important not to rest on your laurels and picture yourself walking down the aisle just because you’ve secured that second liaison.

I’ll relate them to you here in a sort of bullet-list type way; this is so as not to impart the sympathy I felt for the young poster who, reading between the lines, even if she did extract much of the information from one of thousands of online dating guides and tip articles, related the tale in such a manner as to leave the reader with the impression that she’d been there, done it and was sitting wearing the tee-shirt (and kiss-me-quick-type hat) as she wrote the article. Bless.

Watch what you say and do

At all times, during the first date, the objective, should the subject be worthy, is to secure the second date. You are communicating on all levels, subliminally and expressively – leave him with a good impression

Analyse and repeat

There will be times during the first date when you felt a real connection. What was it about those shared moments that made them memorable? Wash, rinse, dress those points up to the nines and repeat next time.

You’ve won the battle, not the war

Do not be a walkover. Even though you’re on a second or third date, this is not to be considered a relationship. Make him make the effort by not laying your life bear at this stage; stealth is still key.

Conversation for conversion

Keep the topics upbeat and light, focusing on the positive elements of you to which he reacted on the first date. Emphasise your own good points and, at this stage, all the bad-gunky should be left in an iron box locked away at the bottom of a cupboard. If conversation stalls, communicate with flirtatious smiles and smouldering, lingering looks that accentuate your femininity. Oh, and use gaps for listening, too.

Grab the issues, not the tissues

Women struggle to deal head-on with issues about her new man that may arise during the early stages of a relationship. These are generally the aspects of the male personality they think they can change later on. If you don’t like a mannerism, habit or belief, say so. His reaction will be a good insight into how he is prepared to do the other ‘c’ word, compromise. Commitment being the other, for those of you who were thinking otherwise, naughty!

Desperate needs and measures

If you are interested let him know subtly, not by flinging yourself at him or constantly calling/texting him. He’ll initiate further dates if he’s genuinely interested in you and will just get narked if you’re on his case all of the time.

One swallow doesn’t make a summer

Mr Right may take many, many dates to find – go on as many as you have to until you understand what it is that makes men feel good and how you can shape yourself into a woman men would die for. You will make mistakes and dating can mean a huge learning curve for those new to the concept. It’s important that you learn from them but don’t linger on them and definitely do not beat yourself up about it.

Just write it all down in an article, instead.