Inject passion into your e-mails to score big in dating

Thanks for coming back to us as we look to see what you can do to get better click-throughs to your dating site profile, hence promoting brand you, on your dating site. Yesterday we looked at highlighting the importance of asking questions to instigate any communiqué, more importantly, in the hope of securing one or two potential partners along the way.

Today, we look at an aspect that will instantly promote you from dating site newbie dullard to experienced singles dater without you really having to learn anything about the (sometimes) weird and whacky world of online dating. And that is simply, find some common ground with another of the singles on site.

This, at first, doesn’t have to be someone with whom you would consider going out on a date with, but someone with whom you can share your common interest with and introduce you to: passion.

if you can talk passionately on any subject, there will almost definitely be someone who can add their own comment or listen intently to what you have to say. And most dating sites have a huge audience that you can potentially broadcast to.

At first, building up trust is one of the stepping stones to getting your first date in the online world of cyber-love. This, like I say, doesn’t have to be the first person you strike up a conversation with. But if you can glean a few snippets about the etiquette on your dating site – if we’re talking Mrs Bucket (pronounced Boo-kay) or Onslow standards – you will know the accepted limits in the chat rooms. You may think that unimportant, but no one likes their toes stepped on.

By injecting passion into your words, you also start to put a piece of you into your writing that you perhaps don’t even realise you’re doing; this is excellent stuff! You may not know it but the person who responds to the passionate you really is connecting with a level beneath anything you could craft into a deliberated personality profile. You stand more of a success finding the right person for you; yet again, you may not notice this at first, but by letting your hair down you also let your guard down a little, too, giving other singles a route in.

It’s difficult to say, this, and even more painful to get your hand and heart around, but if you’ve been hurt before there’s a real good chance you don’t want that to happen; in order to move on, you have to risk letting someone from your dating site in, even if only the slightest little bit.

If you get the entry levels of communication right, combined with a subject that you care deeply and can share intimate details of, you’re onto a winner and you will soon find that you’ve gained a whole new circle of friends who not only see you as one of them, but as a leader, too.

Join me over the rest of the weekend when we conclude with a look at other aspects to filter into your e-mails, such as humour, confidence and belonging, into the posts.

Thanks for listening; keep in touch with yourself. xxx

Asking right questions will prompt a dating e-mail response

Well, the weekend’s here, you’ve got your first dating site membership under your belt, spent an elaborate amount of time getting your dating profile looking just so and have probably browsed some of the other singles profiles to see if any of them catch your eye. Heck, you may even have a shortlist, already.

How you approach the other members on your chosen dating site(s) is key to you getting the best experience from online dating. There are a lot of people who have been using the Internet to find partners for an inordinate amount of time. They love it, may not want to commit to anything serious and enjoy the flirtatious nature of being in a public chat room where everyone has got the same aim. But to take your online relationship to the next level, you’re going to have to show a little more interest than commenting on a comment they have made in a thread of conversation in view of the masses.

Private e-mail is the key to success in online dating. Having ‘listened’ in or chatted in the forums you may have got an idea of a potential victim’s partner’s personality and want to risk giving it a shot.

Dating advice is only a guide – the final ingredient is your personality


We are all unique – many of those questions in the chat-rooms will have resonated with you at some level. But there will be more you want to know; different dating profiles will throw up dissimilar sets of questions you need to ask to get to know the wide-ranging personalities on your dating site – some questions you will have thought of, the majority will never have crossed your mind until you start filtering down the many thousands of men and women all concentrated in one area looking for some action.

You have to decide what level of action you’re looking for.  Be prepared to have your ideas change once you’ve been using a dating platform for a while.  Dating sites are great places to let your hair down and exercise the extrovert in you, who you usually keep under lock and key. By letting yourself go, you’ll discover what you really want. The only way you’re going to find what a perfect match wants is by asking them directly.

Unless you’re on an out and out casual dating site, you need to be a bit more subtle than ask other singles if they want to meet up and start a no-strings, (new) FWB relationship. No doubt mainstream dating does have members not averse to a little casual fun but, especially on matchmaking sites where there a 1,001 compatibility questions, members do try to build up a relationship online first before going out on a date and even then there is etiquette to follow – like definitely not sleeping with someone you’ve met online on a first date. They’re big communities, everyone talks, reputations can spread very quickly. Make sure the word gets out about your reputation, for sure – it will attract more potential dates – but make sure its for the reasons you signed up in the first place.

The other reason for asking lots of questions, other than to ensure the single is not all flannel and had someone write their dating site profile for them (you wouldn’t believe!), is that talking about yourself too much in your opening communiqué will give your potential partner the impression you’re conceited or boastful – that your whole world revolves around you and you’ve done everything that everyone else has with a yak on your back. Nothing will distance you from others more than being so far up your own xxxx self that you show no interest in others, rather, give the impression that it’s all about you.

So there endeth lesson one – asking the right questions will give you a better view of other singles and make them more willing to respond, if it seems someone else is showing genuine interest in them.

Dating site communication etiquette to follow for newbies

So, you’ve finally took the plunge and decided to give online dating a shot – why not? According to the latest figures, ten percent of all US citizens who regularly browse the wonder that is the world wide web have at least one dating site account!

Now all you’ve got to do is decide what comes next. How about opening up a line of communication with someone? That’s a great place to start. But, as with everything to do with looking for love online, there is protocol to follow and dating etiquette to consider.

If you’re either extremely opinionated like yours truly (you should read some of my other stuff on finance and insurance – I’ll never be a Tory-boy, that’s for sure) or don’t have the greatest command of the written language and struggle to express what you’re really thinking or feeling through the written word, piggybacking on conversations in the chat rooms where no one has got to know you yet may be considered bad form.

On casual dating sites, that probably is the way to go, but if you’re going mainstream, you want to break yourself into the crowd gently and let them get to know you before you start raining on anyone else’s parade. We do have another saying in The Black Country for that – it involves urination and deep fried potatoes, so is perhaps a tad uncouth in its literal translation for an upstanding blog like this, so we’ll leave it as raining and parade, to spare too many blushes.

Any-hoo, back to the point in question. Introduce yourself slowly and graciously by sending out polite, courteous e-mails. Make each one individual – can’t stress that enough – don’t just bulk-send the same e-mail to everyone! You’ll get a much better click-through and response rate if you mention something specific about the single’s dating site profile in your introductory message rather than carte blanche e-mail the same template to everyone who has a nice pair. Of eyes.

Over the next two days, we’ll look at a few ways you can make that first communiqué count, in order for you to get the best out of your dating site experience, have a bit of fun, and, by the time the first week’s out of the way, you’ll be wondering what all of the fuss was all about in the first place.

Watch this space for the rest of this week and into the weekend and we’ll have your little black book (if you’ve not got one, go fetch) so full of dates, you’ll be looking on Amazon for 2013 diary. How’s that for a promise? Until tomorrow, keep in touch with yourself. xxx

Why waste time checking dating profiles in your room?

For UK singles, dating online has become something of the norm, rather than the refuge for the down and out and desperate that it once was. Even the thought of shelling out fees for upgraded services, giving access to chat rooms and video dating, has not put off the serious single – whether they’re serious about being serious or just want to meet up and have a good time.

And who can blame them? Online dating has improved dramatically over the last four of five years. There are the mainstream players who spend more on advertising than many others take in revenue but, quite often, the pool of fish is just to big for the savvy dating site member. Many smaller dating sites have upped their game and the competition for your membership fee is fierce.

In order to entice the UK dating pool to come to them, dating sites are now offering more value for money than they ever have before. Mobile phones have played a huge part in this revolution, as the trend has shifted with advanced technology for more Brits to spend time online through the face of their handheld than they do behind a PC or laptop screen.

The major benefit of using a mobile with your dating site is that it doesn’t matter about not having a date, per se, before you walk out the front door, if you’re an existing member of a dating community that is hyper-connected via WAP or Wi-Fi. You can spend more time concentrating on yourself, looking your best for a prospective partner who doesn’t know it’s their lucky night yet, and literally leave the dating until you’re on the bus or metro to whichever destination is lucky enough to be hosting your conquest later that evening.

Sign up to the dating site, do a local search to see who’s online datng there and then – some webmasters even provide free SMS, so even if you like the look of someone who’s not online, you can still poke, wink or prod them and they’ll be informed on their mobile that they’ve got new dating site mail.

Whether they choose to open that communiqué or not is a different kettle of fish, obviously, but if they’re an active member of that dating site community there should be little reason not to.

If, perhaps, happy ever after is your dating aim, you may understandably have reservations about meeting up in this off-hand manner; to be fair, perhaps matchmaking sites or those that operate in a very structured way (so that you can check off your list of must-haves and deal-breakers in your own spare time as you flick through profile after profile) are best for you.

Casual dating is what it is and meeting someone off the cuff and mobile phones – especially those that can operate with a GPS platform to let you know that someone from your dating site is in the very room, let alone town – were just made for each other.

So, come on, what are you waiting for? Sign up takes minutes, it’s the beginning of the weekend, don’t hang about. Unless you want to spend all weekend looking through dating site profiles and that be your only satisfaction, of course, wondering what might have been. Don’t just think about it, do it!

3 in 10 Internet users have tried online dating

Study notes released from Oxford University indicate that almost one third of Internet users have, at one time or another, visited dating sites, as reported in the Science Daily the day after Valentine’s Day.

Not that the study of dating site usage was coincided with that date. The study took in the patterns and usages of 24,000 adults from around the globe who are active Internet users over a twelve year period.

Eighteen countries in all took part in the online questionnaire which asked both halves of 12,000 couples between 1997 and 2009 a qualifying section to determine their Internet accessibility and then if they had used the web to look for partners, whether by online dating or other means.

A resounding thirty percent of those questioned responded in the affirmative, and a massive half of those stating that the partner they were with at the time of the response being recorded they met whilst looking for love online.

One of the most unexpected results was the breakdown in age bands who claimed to have began a relationship through an online dating platform. Of those in the 18-40 age bracket – the age of respondents you may expect to figure most prominently as recording high relationships found on dating sites – registered less than a quarter, with only 23% saying that they had had success using the medium.

Those in the next age bracket recorded the highest successful ratio of meeting a partner online as more than a third, 36% in total, of 40-69 year olds stated that they had began seeing someone directly as a result of their time dating online.

And, if you read between the lines, there is a time when singles just stop dating. Of all 24,000 participants, only two people who expressed a preference said that they’d started to go around the block again after they hit 70 and their relationships were not courtesy of dating sites.

The chat room facility and continued popularity of social media have had a lot to do with sharp rises in figures for those who took part in the survey post-2000. Prior to the new millennium not even ten percent of those questioned had met whilst online dating, but five years in and that had more than doubled to 21%. In contrast, the use of chat rooms over that same period dwindled in a like for like swap at the outset, but popularity and branding compounded that growth in later years.

In the next article, scientists have their say on how they interpreted the findings and what that means for the future of online dating.

Keep your target in your dating sites range

Online dating has changed the way people perceive dating forever, that goes without saying. But, according to one recent report, many dating site members are connecting as much through the forums or chat-rooms on their dating sites as they are via direct hits on their profile. Today, we look at why this may be the case.

Your dating site profile is there to be shot at, if you like, as a target to draw in the fire that you will either pick up and run with or leave drowning in the trenches, dependent upon who’s doing the shooting. You can control your returning salvo of responses but can do very little about who’s taking the initial pop-shots at this ‘stand-alone’ target. Yes, you can make that dating profile scary as hell, but then is the creation of your online persona a self-defeating exercise by wording it thus, putting people off contacting you, rather than attracting them?

The tables are very much turned in the forums where you choose to jump in to conversations either because you know about the subject or because you have someone else who’s joined in the thread very much in your own sights. This gives you the chance of targeted response, which will put off people from contacting you who have little value to add to the proven existing knowledge exhibited via your comments.

Don’t ask me why, but men get quite squeamish when they think that women are more knowledgeable about a subject than they are. It’s true.  Even when it comes to make up or other ‘girly-girl’ subjects, men still have this inherent belief that they have a rite to be right about everything. If you, as a lady within the confines of your chat-room, can show unequivocally that you are a domineering force on la journal du jour, only male members who have what they believe to be a justifiable opposing view or can add further to your own enlightened comments will respond. Hence, eradicating the dweebs and instigating conversation with someone who you can go on to develop a relationship with via the exchange of mind-fodder, in the first instance – you may very well find you have much more in common and start dating as a result.  Result!

A word of warning for the ladies on this matter, though. If you are joining a thread purely to scout someone who you have developed a passing fancy to, don’t be tempted to rain on their parade in a topic they’ve commented on, going in all guns blazing, just because you know you can to prove your feminine superiority!  Another self-defeating dating tactic, if ever there was one.

Rather, assess their opinion and, providing that they’re not too far off the mark from your own beliefs, support their point with empathy (not sympathy) and win their trust through this proven stealth tactic. If you do have heavy feelings for the thread topic but you had to bite your literary tongue when composing your response, wait a while before there is the strength in the relationship to support the weight of your conviction before you drop it into the mix.

Stealth the key to commanding dating site chat-rooms

Here’s a bit of a tip for those of you out there in dating land who have seen someone you quite fancy but are perhaps new to online dating and haven’t quite got the hang of approaching other singles on your dating site, yet or are not quite convinced by someone’s dating profile that you want to actually strike up a relationship with them.

Most dating sites have a chat-room or dating site forum that you can literally add your comment to any one of the threads that are live. Some dating sites have these facilities for paid members only, but even on free dating sites this is usually one of the features they advertise to entice sign-ups.

First of all, copy the user name of the single you’re interested in; you can write it down and search manually through the live threads but, for this tip, you’re better off highlighting the user name then either right-clicking it and clicking ‘Copy’ from the drop-down menu or pressing the CTRL + C function if you have keyboard shortcuts enabled in your browser.

Then, head over to the chat-room, open in a new window and press the CTRL + F keys which, in theory, should take you through all of the instances that the user name appears on the forum. Now – that’s the easy bit.

Dating site forums can be on diverse topics – everything from the latest soap news (sad but true), to how tight your last date was to dating site etiquette – it’s all covered on there. Find a thread where the single’s made a comment or, even better, started the thread, then make a comment on the same thread. But make the topic one that you know something about; the idea is to impress this target single with your knowledge on a subject they’ve chosen to comment on, hence they have at least a passing interest in.  If there’s nothing that you’re up to speed with but you sooo want to make contact, do a little research first.

One of the great things about threads is that they don’t have to be live giving you ample opportunity to go away and polish up on your knowledge first; only then respond with a killer comment. The bonus comes when the ‘online now‘ icon flashes next to the single’s user id and it is a topic you’re passionate about – you can dive straight into the action and see if they’re all that their dating profile makes them out to be.

This will improve your stealth tactics and get you chatting with new members; even if your target single isn’t the one to respond, you will have started to strike up relationships with others and you’ll have more of an idea whether this dating site is worth sticking around for – often, you get more feedback about any chosen online dating site from its existing membership than anything the site professes to offer in its advertising.

Dating sites – if owners don’t invest in it, why should you?

The third installment of our four-thread article (it was going to be three and I apologise – there’s more updated info about the world of online dating than I had estimated; bit of a faux pas, je suis desolé, mes amis) looking back at guides in the early days of online dating and how much of what was said back then still impacts on today’s much larger market.

Back in 2005, Sarah Harris, CEO of, gave the following advice – and I have to say, it’s the most savvy I’ve come across in my time writing for – for all would be cyberspace lovers. Here, we condense what she had to say back then, with a today’s slant to update its relevance, only where necessary.

top of the tree for a reason

Anyone can buy a dating site in a box and literally be on line hosting their own dating site platform within an hour. It’s true.

Not that the ads are misleading, but to make these sites profitable and to deliver the dream of being a millionaire, takes time, effort, patience, further investment and true dedication to the cause.

Don’t believe the hype when you see an ad saying ‘set and forget‘. You most certainly can create a monster and leave it in its cave, but without constant maintenance, endeavour and understanding the market (something imperative to be a success and is extremely time consuming with research, even if you think you know ‘a bit’ about it), that creature will stay in hibernation and never make you a dime.

The dating sites that have the highest conversion rates have done this for you, making the dating site both user friendly and affordable.

The all-important factor that so many dating site members do not see yet take for granted is the ongoing man-power hours working ‘under the hood’ of the highest-rated dating sites to ensure that you, the avid online dater, have a constant influx of newbies to choose from.

Behind those pages of hopeful singles, dating site profiles and chat rooms are the Internet scientists and psychologists that deliver you smooth browsing, uninterrupted chat and the latest technology to keep them at the top of the dating industry.

But the single most important factor to any online dating agency is its visibility. By that, I mean being at the top of the search engine rankings for the keywords, and renewing fresh content that appeals to the likes of Google, Yahoo and Bing. Without those hundreds of people constantly refreshing the site’s content, reacting to surveys of its dating site membership and allowing the user to have a hassle-free experience, those dating sites would be nothing.

Free dating sites, in the main, cannot commit this many man-hours, which is why your membership fee is important to the continuity of the top dating sites; like Sarah says in that post going back to 2005, like everything in life, you get what you pay for.

The concluding article for this mini-series will be tomorrow, now; please come back and read it; it promises to be information no dating site user should be without. In the meantime, please feel free to search for your perfect partner online, here.