It’s interesting to see what commentators on online dating communicate to their own sex in the way of advice about the opposite sex. For those new to dating, on- or offline, the internet seems full of ‘good’ advice when, sometimes, you learn a longer lasting lesson by making the mistakes first, committing them to memory and, via the modem of self-awareness, use previous experiences as an alert when next put in a similar situation.
Reading through the news tonight, I came across a post by a young lady who literally did catalogue all the ‘dating don’ts‘ regarding how one’s behaviour on a first date may jeopardise a follow-up and how it really is important not to rest on your laurels and picture yourself walking down the aisle just because you’ve secured that second liaison.
I’ll relate them to you here in a sort of bullet-list type way; this is so as not to impart the sympathy I felt for the young poster who, reading between the lines, even if she did extract much of the information from one of thousands of online dating guides and tip articles, related the tale in such a manner as to leave the reader with the impression that she’d been there, done it and was sitting wearing the tee-shirt (and kiss-me-quick-type hat) as she wrote the article. Bless.
Watch what you say and do
At all times, during the first date, the objective, should the subject be worthy, is to secure the second date. You are communicating on all levels, subliminally and expressively – leave him with a good impression
Analyse and repeat
There will be times during the first date when you felt a real connection. What was it about those shared moments that made them memorable? Wash, rinse, dress those points up to the nines and repeat next time.
You’ve won the battle, not the war
Do not be a walkover. Even though you’re on a second or third date, this is not to be considered a relationship. Make him make the effort by not laying your life bear at this stage; stealth is still key.
Conversation for conversion
Keep the topics upbeat and light, focusing on the positive elements of you to which he reacted on the first date. Emphasise your own good points and, at this stage, all the bad-gunky should be left in an iron box locked away at the bottom of a cupboard. If conversation stalls, communicate with flirtatious smiles and smouldering, lingering looks that accentuate your femininity. Oh, and use gaps for listening, too.
Grab the issues, not the tissues
Women struggle to deal head-on with issues about her new man that may arise during the early stages of a relationship. These are generally the aspects of the male personality they think they can change later on. If you don’t like a mannerism, habit or belief, say so. His reaction will be a good insight into how he is prepared to do the other ‘c’ word, compromise. Commitment being the other, for those of you who were thinking otherwise, naughty!
Desperate needs and measures
If you are interested let him know subtly, not by flinging yourself at him or constantly calling/texting him. He’ll initiate further dates if he’s genuinely interested in you and will just get narked if you’re on his case all of the time.
One swallow doesn’t make a summer
Mr Right may take many, many dates to find – go on as many as you have to until you understand what it is that makes men feel good and how you can shape yourself into a woman men would die for. You will make mistakes and dating can mean a huge learning curve for those new to the concept. It’s important that you learn from them but don’t linger on them and definitely do not beat yourself up about it.
Just write it all down in an article, instead.