Category Archives: Dating

Where’s that chatterbox I met on the dating site?

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There are an awful lot of singles out here in dating land who can e-mail, private message and text as if they were trying to beat the monkey to write the complete works of Shakespeare. Their dating profile is extensive and they may only get around to replying to four messages a night because of how fluently conversations flow once they become ‘that person’ everyone knows them as on their dating site. Once stuck behind that keyboard, they could host a marathon of chat-shows that would put Wossy to shame.

But put that same person in front of a web-cam or in a real, live date situation, and it’s as if their brain’s hit the vocal cord mute button. This is often an involuntary reaction, perhaps brought on by the pressure they feel to impress, they’re taken out of their comfort zone so their confidence is undermined or are just too darned scared of saying the wrong thing.

This happens to a lot of people (writers, mainly!); away from the safe distance that sets them at ease and lets (un)natural conversation flood out when rattling away on their dating site on a date, they are desperate in this induced silence to find that spark that ignites once they’ve logged on and settled into their dating persona.

With every passing moment they feel the pressure building more – what is wrong with them? Why can’t they find the words that got them to this stage, the first date, in the first place? Soon, that is their only goal, to not come across as shy or ignorant – inside, they are cringing and praying that the date is going well, although focus has been lost and all hope of regaining some sort of control of the situation, unless the other party takes charge, has disappeared on this occasion.

Will they get a second chance? Their brain is screaming to sort a second date, time to gather themselves and ‘do better next time; but that dating site fluency has deserted them and they cannot even ask for the opportunity, that they doubt will come about anyway. Another chance blown, and they’ll be left to rue the consequences, quite vociferously through their finger-tips, when they write the world what a schmuck they were on ‘that date’ they’d been building up to for an age.

But will it be any better next time around? They sigh, think probably not, then log back on to their dating site and start the whole process over again.

Does that story ring any bells?  Don’t fear – help is at hand. In the next article, we’ll look at how planning, mental clarity and not assuming anything can help you overcome this very real experience that many, many singles experience on their first date.

It’s in his sniff

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Will a woman ever meet their dream man? In fact, does such a being exist and are you one of the lucky ladies out there to have met him, either on your dating site, at work or by introduction through a third party? And, more importantly, does the bubble burst when the dream-lover steps out of the cloud or is he the angel you always hoped you were destined for?

So many questions, but all worth asking. Especially as it has come to light that, even though the fairer sex trawl dating profile after dating profile on both paid and free dating sites alike, looking for the photo of their dream boat, that fella in your dreams represents the missing emotional link you yearn, yet are beginning to develop with an alpha male, rather than any physical attraction or need you may think you have. Although that’s not to say the physical craving isn’t intensified by this chemical courtship. Mmm, definitely one to ‘discuss:‘.

This is how the theory goes….

…you’re in the office at work, and there’s a guy who emits chemical signals, willy-nilly; you may not even be aware your feminine receptors are picking them up, but your brain is forming an attraction to him. This is something that not even the chemistry-type dating sites can put into their algorithms for you over the Internet.

It is then your psyche that is falling in love with this chappie, i.e. the angel who later appears in your dreams; he probably looks nothing like the guy at work’s profile, but the dream man is your brain’s interpretation of your true chemical match. The more your angel appeals to you romantically, the stronger the natural connection between your two personalities and sub-conscious physical make-up to suggest you’d be a successful couple.

The sad thing is, unless you can fine-tune your receptors or take note of any subtle emotional shift you feel when you’re in a man’s presence, you may never know who this perfect match for you is. If you’re having these types of dreams, please don’t go around the office tomorrow sniffing every man who comes near you – if your dream man sees you doing this, you may never get to grips with the physical aspect of dating.

To confuse the issue, it is perceived that the reaction of a man’s inherent chemicals with his choice of cologne may produce even stronger results than either he or his unwitting victim pick up on in a physical sense. Yet his psyche also gets stronger as it comes into the proximity and connects with the female chemicals that have the same affect on him, making the combined effect, to the naked eye at least, even more powerful.

Dating sites can offer a lot of ways for you to meet ‘the one’, but until you get up close and personal and let your bodies own receptors do their bit, the relationship could be missing something so corporeal, it will never fulfil the part of you that reacts to pure, base chemistry. It has been suggested that this could be the reason why there are so many affairs at work and that almost four out of ten US citizens married in the last five years met either at work or back in school.

If you’re looking for 100% satisfaction, close your eyes and let nature pick that man of your dreams for you. Psyche!

Just who was our Valentine hero?

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Nothing gets singles dating like valentines day. It is the one day of the year when usually shy guys and girls abandon pretence and pride and just go for it. In offices up and down the country, in bars, pubs and clubs tonight on UK dating sites everywhere, there will be people who have been building up to declaring their undying love for someone for a while and can’t wait to blurt it out. There will be singles everywhere who just never saw it coming and will be bowled over by proposals that spring up from nowhere to shock and amaze them.

Yes, some may say it’s commercialism gone mad (note the facebook status of those who do – guarantee you it’s: <b>single</b>) whilst those in relationships use the day to fall in love all over again and love the opportunity to express to their significant other just how much they love them. In today’s hyper-connected world, we spend so much time texting and e-mailing, private messaging on dating sites, but how often do we talk and not feel at odds with ourselves if we say ‘I love you’ to the one we do?

In this day and age, with online dating having transformed the way people look at dating as a whole, there really is no excuse not to tell at least one person how you feel about them. As Jake and Elwood once sang, everybody needs somebody to love.

But who gave us this opportunity? Is St Valentine real or is it just a myth that someone could prove love so much that he was honoured so throughout time immemorial by so many lovers after him?  Or did Clintons have a really bad Christmas one year and decide they needed something between New Year and Easter?

Well the jury’s still out about who he actually was but there is one version that holds true, both in timeline and historical accuracy around the time that Valentine’s Day was conceived, albeit somewhat unwittingly, by the saint we honour today who was martyred for the cause.

The common belief dates the sending of the original Valentine’s card to around the time of the Roman Emperor Claudius II. The leader stumbled upon the idea that single men fought with more vigour than their married peers, who longed for their families when they were fighting for the Empire on foreign shores. He subsequently banned all marriages.

However, a Catholic priest by the name of Valentine upheld the church’s belief and continued marrying men (to other women, you understand, he wasn’t a gay bigamist). Claudius II summoned the priest and extended an offer of pardon, providing the priest stopped carrying out wedding ceremonies. Valentine refused and was imprisoned before being subjected to a beating, then a stoning before finally having his head chopped off. However, whilst he awaited his punishment, he wrote to the jailor’s daughter expressing his undying love, no matter what happened to him; the letter he signed ‘from your Valentine’.

However, it wasn’t until 1,100 years later, around 1400 A.D., that sending valentine’s cards was popularised, a tradition we still hold today and was reportedly worth £20M to the UK economy alone last year. If only he’d had some of those royalties and a good agent…

Valentine’s Day – is anyone that bothered, this year?

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The fourteenth of February is rapidly approaching. If the date’s not ringing any sudden bells and you’re in a relationship, either offline in the real world or with a virtual partner in an online dating capacity, you may want to check what next Tuesday stands for. This may save you picking up an earful down your handset, your private message inbox going quiet for a few days or letting a potential partner down most terribly, on the most romantic day of the year. But, to be honest, from what I’ve read so far online this year, no one in dating land is looking forward to Feb 14 at all. Is this usual?

This is my first year writing in online dating land; I truly expected to find articles galore embedded with 22-font (or foot) bold pink text, love hearts and fluffy bunnies bordering every page of every blog and dating site, but that’s just not the case.

Does Valentine’s Day really hold such dread for singletons that the only people to comment on the occasion are those harping on about how they cannot see the point of declaring their undying love for someone special on one day when true love should flourish in a relationship every day, from the minute one half of a couple awakens until they both curl up and go to sleep all cuddly together every single night for the rest of their lives?

If that’s the common belief of how long term relationships work, held by those looking to spark perhaps their first serious time around the block via their dating site platform, I’d suggest notching up a few short term relationships first if it’s that feeling you’re looking for. Make the most of that ‘loved-up’ emotion, getting plenty of Valentine’s Day gifts and looking forward to buying them instead of agonising over the ‘what to get this time?’ question that comes with being with someone for fourteen and a half years…and certainly don’t take down the old dating site membership, just yet.

In my personal experience, I have to go with the flow – Valentine’s Day works great for those just starting out on their first real relationship or if it’s early days in a new partnership. But if you’re single with little prospect of hooking up with someone from the office, bar or dating site, or if you’re married or living with someone who you’ve been seeing for as long as you care to remember, it does all seem like a lot of effort (and expense, keeping card shops, florists and chocolatiers in business) for the reward.

Still, there’s over a week left, folks. Try something new, join our dating site – your perfect partner could be waiting online for you, now, big fluffy bunny, box of All Gold and soppy, 22-foot card waiting to be posted. It may be the year that Valentine’s Day does kickstart your love life. What are you waiting for? With all my love xxx ????

Being single is not a contageous disease

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So, yeah. This girl was sick of being treated like a social leper just because she’d been dumped after Christmas. It’s not the best time to be without someone, Valentine’s Day, but that’s only if you’re constantly reminded about the fact that you are single and not dating. All of the friends you’ve been sociable with recently as part of a couple are finding your company hard to deal with when you turn up without a significant other on your arm.

It’s not like you’ve lost your wallet or your purse, is it? If you go for a meal sans beau, it’s not like you’re going to do a runner just because you’ve only got one bill to pay for. Okay, you may have to dip into your purse a little further than the rest of the party as you’ve had no one nagging you along the lines of ‘Don’t you think you’ve had enough, dear?’, but if that’s the only price, you can live with it. And so should they. But they can’t, and that’s the real issue.

The subject of your being single can be the elephant in the room, sitting in the seat opposite you where, up until recently, sat your partner. You can almost hear your girlfriend kick her fella as he’s about to ask you if you’ve had any luck on your dating site? or have you heard from ‘x’ since the split?...
…where x is the ex, obviously.

As well as your friend may have batted your corner for you over dinner from the ignorami, you know deep down that’s because she wants to check out the health and temperament of your dating welfare herself, when the two of you are on your own. It may be that you all met on your dating site and she’s itching to tell you about the guy she’s been chatting to on your behalf or, worse (if the friendship’s only recent), she could want to introduce you to a guy she had a lot of fun dating…
…which then begs the question: why aren’t you still with him, then?

However, you do tend to find that a bathroom stall apart is as close as your dating friends want to get. Remember, this is leprosy and it spreads. Your happy-couple friends do not want to catch what you’ve got, no sirree!

And so it comes as no great surprise that, as the coats go on and your coupley friends are all heading back to one of their homes to talk ‘people-in-love-with-each-other’ talk, your best buddy asks what time your taxi home’s booked for…
…you make one last excuse to nip to the powder room and order that cab either screaming or crying, it could go either way.

Being a singleton is not a disease, but only to other singletons. To anyone in a relationship you are unclean. This Valentine’s Day, if you can’t meet up with someone off your dating site between now and then, remember to pop a bell around your neck, just to let everyone know you’re comin’! And how…

Your handset says a lot about your dating habits – too much!

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Guys and girls, it’s looking as if Android users are the app-friendly handset using equivalent of the Free Love movement of the late sixties, based on the results of the survey published in the last article, “Your handset says a lot about your dating habits – a lot!“, and this one just nails it: if you’re at a party and your stuck for a date, check out those with an Android device as 55%, again the highest percentage polled, stated that they would go for a one-night stand.

Now judge this aspect for yourselves, because it could be read two ways. When questioned about drinking when dating, an impressive 72% of Blackberry users said that they most certainly did. Another 67% of them have undying faith in love at first sight. Both ratings highest in their section. Now, does the alcohol make them see prospective partners with rose-tinted glasses when laying their eyes on their date for the first time? If so, are they looking for a long term relationship from the off, hence less likely to jump straight in the sack with them? Or do they just get so wasted they cannot remember whether they’ve actually gone all the way, or not? Mmm, tough call.

iPhones must be the choice of the professional, as they topped the ‘office romance‘ poll, with a quarter of them saying they’d seen someone from work at some point in the last five years. They are also most likely to keep their appointment to call you back after dating for the first time, whereas the other two device users would keep you waiting until you’d been out a few times before they thought it acceptable to see how their dating partner was doing between liaisons.

So, what does that say in a nutshell? If you want to a straight forward adult-dating type of liaison, straight in at the deep end, check out who’s carrying an Android. If you want to go out to have a great laugh and sink a few beers but risk your long term single life see who’s on the BBM network. And if you like things prim and proper and an almost officious relationship, the iPhone carrier’s the one for you. My wife’s got a HTC Wildfire – should I be worried, do you think?

Your handset says a lot about your dating habits – a lot!

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With the amount of dating sites that now support an application-based version of their service, you may have guessed it wouldn’t be long before one of the big boys in the dating industry looked at how different members use their service on their mobile devices.

If you are familiar with the dating site industry at all, you may also have surmised that it would be Match.com who conducted that survey. Which brings up another interesting point about the highest-ranking dating sites, which we may get the chance to look at over the weekend, depending on what comes out of Miami between now and tomorrow. Anyway, so they did, using Canada as the soundboard for this particular little market research exercise.

Using Zoomerang to conduct the poll to avoid any bias towards the results, the mainstream dating site sampled over 1,000 smartphone users, not necessarily to see how they were using the service, but to try to gauge the dating profiles of users. In order to see if the type of device the singles used indicated any pattern in dating, there were some very tailored questions which did highlight peaks and troughs in enough detail to publish the following results.

Whichever type of handset was your first date‘s preference, you would have to count yourself unlucky if you ended the night without getting a piece of the action, it seems. Android users topped the ‘sex on a first date’ category, with 62% admitted to going all the way first time around, followed closely by 57% of iPhone users who polled a similarly equally lax attitude. However, less than half of Blackberry users went for it straight out of the traps with only 48% saying they’d scored on a first date.

Blackberry users continued to be the most reserved when it came to online dating, with exactly half of them saying they were active dating site users. Again, Android users topped the section with an amazing 72% of users admitting they were regular users of this type of facility and iPhoners were again middle of the road with 58% availing themselves of dating site platforms.

iPhone users and those on the BBM network did top some the aspects of dating; find out what you should be looking out for in a handset when you’re at the next house- or office-party; all revealed in “Your handset says a lot about your dating habits – too much!“, up next.

Abba, gold tracksuits and the treadmill dancing queen

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cont’d from “Stop trudging the treadmill of dating…“

This is not just a flight of fancy, but this one girl at a gym I used to attend became, in her blissful ignorance, something of a figure of ridicule and goes to prove all the more why you shouldn’t wear earphones on the treadmill at the gym if you’re going there to possibly attract a date as well as tighten up those glutes and abs.

And, no, this not a boring lecture about health and safety and how she went careering off the end of the treadmill because she couldn’t hear us warning her to stop. Although, that would have been a lot less embarrasing for the young lady and would certainly have attracted a lot more male attention if that had happened, instead. No, it is more to do with the fact that a certain type of person can get lost in their music. I mean lost as in wrapped up in it completely.

If you’re only using the text facilities, i.e. e-mailing other singles or private messaging potential partners on your dating site whilst you’re at home, you can have your music on as loud as you want and no one will care a fig. Those to whom you’re chatting will never be any the wiser, although Axl Rose at maximum volume could fall outside of dating site ettiquette if you’re having a one-to-one web-cam date.

But having your music on loud on the treadmill is an awful idea because you can’t hear yourself, or you become totally unaware of the fact that, you’re singing your head off to Abba’s greatest hits. That gold tracksuit you’re wearing takes on a whole new meaning; any chance of a date from anyone other than that guy who looks like a seventies German porn star has gone completely out of the window along with your credibility.

Oh, the faces that girl used to pull as she was singing along; she was, I suppose, quite pretty, but used to get so into Benny, Bjorn and the girls that it did actually become quite scary. And, yes, after those little Monday night performances, faces were all she ever did pull, too.

So, by all means, take your music along with you if you plan on heavy sessions on one machine, but remember two things. Firstly, if you want to be in the least bit approachable by someone who could be a potential partner, only ever have one earpiece in at any given time. And secondly, make sure the volume is up only high enough so that it can be a slight distraction from the tediousness of the exercise, and not so that it drowns out all else as if you were having your own private concert in the bathroom at home – you are not Agnetha or Anni-Frid.

More dating tips on gym can and gym carna, up tomorrow.

Stop trudging the treadmill of dating and go work it out

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Happy February, everyone! Now that the first month of the year’s well and truly embedded and out of the way, how is 2012 going for you? Keeping up with all those resolutions you made at the end of 2011 – getting fitter and sorting your love life out? No, thought not.

Well, if trying to hold down both commitments is biting off more than you can chew, have you thought about combining them? Okay, the atmosphere’s a bit more hyped up at the gym than when you’re sitting at home with your pyjamas on browsing through the new dating site profiles, but this is like the real thing. You know, actually getting out there and meeting folk in a real environment – more like gym-jams, than PJ’s, eh?

Okay, it’s not for everyone, but if you do decide to give your dating site a miss for a while, here’s a quick rundown of things to keep you on track at your local sweatshop.

The treadmill, where most gym newbies are guided to in their introductory appraisal at the start of a new fitness regime, is, not to put too fine a point on it, boring as hell. Just trudging along, thirty-seven minutes and you finally see some activity on the LCD monitor as it flashes up under the calories lost marker: 002. Okay, that’s an exagerration, but because it is so laborious an exercise, most ‘athletes’ invest in a walkman set of earphones for their iPhone 4S to ease the tedium. Great to help pass the time – an absolute killer if you’re using your gym as a temporary alternative to your active dating platform.

Imagine, if your dating site profile had a great big palm facing outwards from it, saying: “Do not approach! Metallica playing!” How many people would wink you, then, eh?  Well that’s the message you’re sending out to any prospective partners by plugging both ears into your iPod.

And there’s an even more rock-solid reason why wearing earphones on a treadmill is a really bad idea if you’re into your corny, nostalgic disco and you do not want to put off finding a real life date at your gym coming up in the next article [...]

Falling in love and following up on first dates – when’s ok?

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Okay, so you’ve read and digested everything there is to know about how you should attract, achieve and behave on a first date and it’s paid dividends (see tag #datingguruuk if you need a recap). The night has gone perfectly, you’ve not embarrassed yourself or your online dating partner (now your offline beau) and there were several hints that you both wanted to see each other again. Fantastic – you can’t beat a bit of bully, can you?

You’ve done the ‘text me when you get home safely’ bit, if you’ve not dropped them off or got them a cab back home (if not, why not!?) and you can go to sleep easy – if you can drop down off cloud nine to actually get into bed, obviously. But when’s the best time to follow up? Should you be on their case first thing the next morning? Is leaving it the traditional three days too long, given how hyper-connected we are, both socially and with our love lives?

For those of you old enough to remember a time before e-mail, mobile phones and online dating, the ideal grace period was three days. That was, of course, when homes only had one telephone, a man came around to light your gas lamps, you used to have a bath in front of the fireplace on a Sunday night whether you needed one or not and it didn’t half get cold on the WC in winter when you had to go in the outhouse.

I can categorically tell you that, based on one dating site’s survey earlier in the year, the ideal follow-up time is now one and a half days and not the traditional three, from when the height of social media activity was a party-line phone shared by one and all in different flats in the same block.

Don’t be overly keen – give them chance to breathe, but don’t take too long, making them think you’re not into them. If you’ve been out Friday night, then Sunday dinnertime’s the perfect time to see if the second date is still on the cards.

And talking of overly keen – one last tip for would be offline daters, if you’ve only just progressed from the online dating scenario. Do not rush your opposite number into a relationship they may not be ready for, for a whole host of reasons (remember, they’ll tell you why in good time).

Nothing is scarier than someone developing an all-enveloping crush on you after you’ve only met once or twice and there is little else I can think of more likely to put someone off meeting you again than a relatively new love interest constantly mithering you that you should.

As we aspired to in the first #datingguruuk article this week, love is like a flower and will blossom naturally given the correct bedding and by allowing it to bask in the sunshine. Smothering someone will crush any desire they have to be with you. Let them breathe and give them time to respond – you will only come across as desperate if you keep texting and leaving voice-mails and pm’s on your dating site!

So that’s that – we’ve come full circle in this mini-series designed to help out us poor Brits who are crap at UK dating! And all this advice, you could have paid through the nose for from a relationship expert in EST, USA. And we’ve given it you free – aren’t we just the best!?

Here’s looking forward to your company in February; I’ll let you know where to send my card to. Love always, dating.org.uk.

Dating sugar daddies sure beats flippin’ sloppy joes

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Sugar dating is, whether Florida likes the statistic or not, helping to fund many young female graduates progression through their in-state university system. According to one recent report, college students account for 4 out of 10 ‘sugar babies‘ new sign-ups on one of the most publicised sugar daddy dating sites, SeekingArrangement.com. The adult dating site now claims over 1,000,000 members and its CEO, Brandon Wade, likes very much to keep the odds stacked in favour of the daddies. That’s where the money is, he never wants to let them down, so he always ensures the books never run out of fresh babies for the daddies to lavish their money on. That’s a lot of college girls leaning on wealthy, older men to see them through school.

Although the dating site has had allegations that it is nothing more than a front for legalised prostitution, the relationships are not all about sex. The onus is very much put on both sides of the partnership to express what they want from the relationship – if the two halves of the one requirement match, then you’re in business. No pimps, no cajoling – everything is up front and in the open (within the dating site confines). If it’s not working out, you simply call the relationship a day, learn from any mistakes and build on that for another scoot around the sugar block.

If that all sounds a little too formal – more like a business contract than any real kinship to a loving relationship – then that’s because it is. This type of dating site is not about any pretence towards love or marriage or any of the other yardsticks you tend to measure the mainstream dating sites by. Indeed, many of the sugar daddies are married men, so any thoughts about falling in love and being happy ever after are blown out of the water from the off. Girls need money to get through college. Older, well-to-do business men spend a lot of time in Florida doing trade. Whilst they’re there, they like to have some familiarity around them to share in their wealth and success. But then the trip’s over, back to the wife, settle the dating site fees, end of transaction. Is it cold? Is it commercial? You betcha it is.

Brandon Wade is no mug. As online dating figures started to increase from this avenue, he didn’t bask in the wonder of it. He up-sold that market, branding the sign-ups from the universities as ‘college sugar babies‘ on his dating site, giving them their own .edu domain for their e-mails (using this filter to compile the data on the sign-up percentages) and publishing a list of the top 20 schools that were supplying him the 40% of new sign-ups in a league format on the dating website.

Florida’s universities feature three times in the list, contributing 219 sugar baby dating site sign-ups for 2011. Although you cannot search specifically by college, you can adapt filters to within a region – pretty important parameters if you’re only out of town on business two or three days a month.

By adopting a Miami-focused search on the dating site, with the additional ‘College Sugar Baby’ status, you can drill down to your catchment target area, leaving you with a clue that the girls you find are either at South, Central or International universities. Given some of the dating site profiles for the girls within those search parameters, it really is no wonder that none of the three universities cared to comment on this growing trend amongst its pupils.

Is sugar dating legal prostitution, older men manipulating younger women or vice versa? The only people I hear complaining are those not getting any of the action…

Florida – the dating, like the oranges, is sugar-sweet

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We have all seen the recent press about what it will take to even get a place at one of the established universities in the UK, these days. What separates the English universities from some of the other global academic institutions, however, is that there are well-to-do parents not just from this fine nation of ours but from all over the world willing to fund their offspring’s education just so that it has ‘educated in the UK’ on their curriculum vitae, semper et in perpetuum.

For universities in other cultures, especially those as diverse as in the US where this level of education is almost mandatory if you want to do anything with your life, there is perhaps not so much of an abundance of readily-available wealth, or parental willingness, to support the whole three year stint completely from the family nest egg. The onus is very much, therefore, on the shoulders of the said son or daughter to at least part-fund their further education through this critical stage of US adolescence into young adulthood.

With a national economy in a very similar condition to our own, many of the part-time jobs are spoken for and those that do become available are right at the bottom rung of the employment, the vacantors of those posts moving on to positions that pay more than minimum wage. Credit is also an issue – it can be made available for graduates but rules and regulations for paying those fees back are a lot more stringent than we have in the UK, so what’s a girl supposed to do to get herself through university without spending any inheritance before it’s earned or trying to make split-ends meet after working a six-hour shift serving sloppy joes?

Surely that’s obvious – become a sugar baby! Sure beats flippin’ burgers to earn your crust and the perks far outweigh the downsides, that’s for sure. However, according to one recent report out of Florida, the number of registered sugar babies on dating sites could end up wiping out half of the country’s wealth, laying within the bank accounts of the sugar daddies registered on these very adult dating sites in one semester if the girls from the colleges who are currently signing up (a figure put at 40% of all new sign-ups according to SeekingArrangement.com’s founder and marketing mogul, Brandon Wade) really put the effort in.

And – here’s a new one on me – it’s not just for older men seeking a specific relationship with a significantly younger female, either; not to be outdone, the cougars (mustn’t have liked the moniker) are now flocking to the site and re-branding themselves as Sugar Mommies in order to bag a toy boy whom their benevolence can put through college. The relationships, as you would expect, all come with a price tag, some as much as five-figures a month, depending upon what each of the prospective partners negotiate for the services they are expected to provide. You don’t see Arnie or Rob Lowe bragging about that in the adverts for California, do you?

Next up, we look at some of the fascinating facts and figures that make up this niche area of the dating site world; while you head on over, I’ll just be checking out some uni’s in Florida, to see what spaces they have coming this fall (see, getting the lingo, by jingo, already…).

Call in the SWOT team for a dating site makeover

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I knew if I paid attention long enough at business school, some of it would come in handy, one day. Today, we’re going to talk about SWOT. Not the US strong arm of the police force, but a self-assessment you can do so you have some idea of how you’re perceived by your dating site buddies and what you can do to raise your dating site profile.

SWOT, in business terms, is an acronym for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. If you know your strengths and the opportunities for growth you can play the dating site to those tunes. If you’re aware of areas that need attention, your weaknesses and threats, you can bolster and barricade against them, with the aim of turning them into the two positive factors. So, in a dating site sense, here’s your SWOT makeover.

Strengths. It’s great to have them, but you have to get the balance just right. If you possess a great set of pearly whites, capped off with a cute little dimple, that will make for a winning smile. Make sure your dating site profile image captures those elements in the best light. If you try to emphasise your terrific teeth too much, you may just come across as looking goofy. Always get a real close friend to take your dating site profile photo with a quality digital camera. They’ll tell you honestly when you’ve got the look just so.

Weaknesses. Everyone has a fallibility, no matter who they are. What you need to take care not to do is emphasise them in your profile. Your particular fondness of cats, for example, to you may be natural but it has become synonymous with the bachelorette. If you’re trying to attract someone for a long-term relationship, sure, mention your cat’s name if you must, but keep in mind what your dating profile’s there for and introduce the degree of your passion when the relationship can support it.

Opportunities. Right now, you may be an underling in the office, but you know you’re working on a vocational qualification or day-release course that pretty soon is going to usurp your current role. Don’t dumb down your existing role, but big up what it is you’re aiming to be at work and start to think like person. It may just attract someone who you thought out of your league. A word of warning: don’t get carried away – you’ve got to get that qualification first!

Threats. Competition on dating sites can be immense, even though there are so many millions of users. Do not be drawn into bitchy games with someone else on your dating site who’s gunning for your man/woman. Play it cool, be yourself and apply dignity to every response you make. If the person you’ve got in your sights has anything about them, they’ll recognise your integrity. If they don’t, then it’s their loss, not yours.

The key to the whole SWOT table is identifying the negative aspects and turning them into positives. The more adept you get at that, not only will you be a more sought after target on your dating site, but you’ll be a more rounded person for it.

City slicker or city’s licquor? It’s time to start dating!

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Finding that special someone to share the ups and downs of life with is one the driving forces behind why so many singles have joined dating sites in recent years. What, with work commitments, bills to pay and homes to run, that vision of finding your perfect partner online can be just a pipe-dream for some, but it needn’t be!

The afore-mentioned hectic calendar is, sadly, one of mundanity, with very little hope of fitting in a window for a social or love life that is totally independent of the office. Living the single life has many benefits but, paying the bills and good house keeping figure heavily on the ‘liabiities’ side of the balance sheet of inner-city single life. No partner to share the costs with, no significant other to half the burden of maintaining the home in a pristine condition and as for dating? No chance.

For many singles living and working in the city, Monday to Friday is a pattern of sleep, work, juggle a bit of food in, work some more, quick pint on the way home with your learned colleagues, crash in front of the box until you wake up at three am in a blue room where the sky box has gone into auto-standby and your 42″ HD is bathing you in oceans of LED light, throw the remains of a cold chow mien away and finally grab a couple of hours of poor quality sleep after you’ve wiped the drool from your chin. You subsequently look like crap when you turn up late for the office the next morning to rinse and repeat the whole process.

If you know deep down that having someone special to come home to is the element that’s missing from your life but, with commitments as they are, you haven’t a cat in hell’s chance of even finding that yellow-brick road, let alone planting the first firm footstep on it, you’re in the right place, here, at dating.org.uk.

You have two options: 1) sign up to a high-end dating site that will take care of it all for you, for a King’s ransom, or 2) instead of hitting the bar every night after work, take a moment out of your life to find that special someone on one of our tailored dating sites. For the sake of one round in a Birmingham bar, you could pay a monthly membership fee and get all of the exclusive features that a paid dating site membership has to offer: unlimited messages, one-on-one web-cam dates, unlimited photo-galleries and extra security to protect your online identity from fraudsters and scammers are just a few of the upgraded aspects that make paid dating membership services preferential to free online dating.

You never know, finding that special someone online may even kickstart other neglected features of your life, such as healthy exercise, a suitable diet to match your new fitness regime or even lose weight, if all those 6pm pints are starting to show above your belt-line! Good housekeeping starts from within and having someone to share in your little victories can spur you on to even greater heights! Happy dating!

Blue Monday let down on UK Dating sites

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You’d think that, with so many millions now populating UK dating sites, finding your perfect partner would be an absolute piece of cake, and it should be. Then why, whilst browsing the multitudes of smiling faces of my target audience, is it proving to be such a hardship?

A for instance: the other night, got in from work, logged on to the old lappy, checked out the correspondence (to be fair, most of my GMail I’d either responded to at work, not that there was anything groundbreaking worth getting copped for by my boss, but you’ve just gotta check if you’ve had any dating site e-mails or PMs, innit?) and decided I wasn’t going to shift until I’d made contact with at least three new possibilities, which is not many, considering the dating site in question boasted in excess of a 7-figure membership.

I don’t know what you’re like when you first log on to your dating sites, but do you always start at the ‘new members’ bit, first? Then filter by age, sex (obviously – why else would we be on there?!?) and locality. And then, if there’s nothing in that ‘saved search’, expand it to the next one, with slightly wider parameters, no?

Brilliant feature, the ‘saved search’, which I must admit I’ve only found on paid dating sites, thus far, but it does save a hell of a lot of time, time that could be spent checking out the results, not creating the search itself. It’s a bit like going to a new town and not having to check out all of the bars before you decide which one to go into; if you know where your target audience is going to congregate, you waste less time (and money, especially in Birmingham, or other big cities) roaming the January streets date-less and can get straight to the action!

Anyway, back to the dating site dilemma of Monday evening – I don’t know whether it was just a slack night due to any potential new members saving the last of their cash for the last weekend before payday (Gosh, how long does it feel since we’ve been paid?) or whether Blue Monday just dashed the spirits of hopeful romantics nationwide, but it was slow.

Six hours later, with two empty bottles of Shiraz at my side, nothing. You can tell how bad it was: normally after one bottle, I’m sending invites to literally all new dating site members, but Monday, zip! Ah, well; let’s hope tonight brings a few more newbies, and this time, see if they spend a little more time over their dating site profiles to entice me to get in touch with them, without having to submit my liver to any more 13.5%ABV plonk! Happy dating!

Aussie rules speed dating

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Perth, Australia, not Scotland, has seen an unprecedented rise in speed dating gatherings, for all ages and backgrounds. To give the UK dating membership an insight into their protocol, here’s an overview of the down under view of speed dating, following on from our article, ‘Speed dating down under – well, to catch a kangaroo…’

Firstly, for many of these type of super speed dating gatherings, you have to register. It’s become that popular in Perth, that they hold sessions for different ages and varying experience, either gained or wanted. So, if you’re looking to date a farmhand in his early thirties, don’t turn up to a post-graduates event for the early twenties! Most speed dating centres do have an online dating presence, so book in advance for the event you want to attend.

Secondly, most speed dating hosts welcome you with a drop of the old amber nectar or Jacob’s Creek, just to settle you down – some even advertise the night as with ‘free-flowing champagne’, but not all serve alcohol. So if it’s essential, this Dutch courage, do have one before hand, but you do not want to approach anyone whilst you’re totally under the influence; here’s why:-

Once you get started, keep your objective in mind. Try to rehearse the questions in your head before you arrive and any possible answers to their questions that may be thrown your way by your target audience (a lot of the better speed dating organisations have a decent enough FAQ section to help you stand out from the crowd – well worth a peep to get the upper hand on the competition!). You may only have seven or ten minutes to make an impression and get the relevant information from the potential partner sitting opposite you – make every second count.

Once you have been through the field – not in the Biblical sense, mind, just the speed dating bit – do step back and think about it before you plunge in, but not too long! If there is only one beefcake or princess there, everyone will be gathering like flies around bees around honey. Try and pick out those who you may want to hone in on whilst you’re at the beverage stage, so that you can anticipate who’s left, enabling you to cut down the field as you approach the final one or two candidates.

This is why you must leave the beer goggles at home – everyone will seem fanciable after one too many and you’ll just go bounding from one to the next at the end, becoming more desperate after each rejection, putting off anyone who may be genuinely interested in dating you.

If your dating site doesn’t do it for you, or if you genuinely do not have the inclination to go speed dating, choose from our hand picked dating sites, to find your perfect partner in minutes.

Speed dating down under – well, to catch a kangaroo…

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It’s great having an online dating relationship but, let’s face it, that’s getting you no actual action, whatsoever. There comes a time when you have to take that leap of faith and actually go and meet someone, especially if you’re paying a monthly subscription, otherwise, well, you may as well just donate that money to chastity charity.

In Australia, namely Perth, they seem to have this concept of dating sussed – the offline type, not the online. The city has seen an unprecedented rise in the number of speed dating events, recently, and they’re becoming ever more popular.

Typically of Australians, there’s no beating about the bush (the size of the Australian bush [hey, careful!], it’s no wonder]). If you’re sitting there looking at your online dating site but worried that you wouldn’t be able to support a conversation for a whole evening with any one of a whole number of singles who look as if they’re in your target bracket, based on age, income, background, education, etc., then why not try a speed dating event local to you?

You’re not expected to talk very long and if the person you’re interested in is just not into you, there’s no hanging about for days wondering if they’re ever going to get in touch via a private message or e-mail from your dating site. If they are, however, keen and you meet no one better and neither do they (than you, obviously, not themselves), then bingo, dingo! – you can be on your way before the clock strikes one and, at last, you can get that bit of dating action, which has been sorely missing from your life.

To give you an insight a little more about what an event like this entails, bearing in mind this is Australian rules – if you’ve ever watched Aussie rules football compared to the Premier League poseurs, you’ll know how vast a difference there is between us and our Antipodean cousins – we’ll give you an overview in our next article, ‘Aussie rules speed dating’.  So, keeping an open mind being very much the order of the day, we’ll see you there.

Shut your aunty up – date an escort

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If you’re anything like me, over the years you’ve had enough of your aunty, lovely and well-intentioned though she may be, harping on about the fact that you’re still single, “at [my] age!”

Being of old fashioned stock and holding the purse-strings to our family’s financial fortune (rumoured to be a lot more than it actually is, but we still let her believe that she retains a hold over us, for some odd reason), I have yet to tell her that I do have an active love life, however it involves frequenting dating sites. Dependent upon my mood or what prior business engagements stack up in my diary will dictate which one is appropriate at any given time.

Hello, aunty, here is that girlfriend you keep asking about…she used to be an escort

With Christmas approaching this year, the parties on the way in the office, my mind turned towards the family dos, starting with the grand gathering on Christmas at said slightly demented aunty’s large house in the country. To be fair, that house is probably worth more than the family fortune; I don’t think she knows it. Bless

Now, on my dating sites, I have a lot of friends, some dearer than others; some a lot closer than others. A lot.

I could not, however, have put any of my dating site community peers through this charade. Many of them, like I, use free dating sites because we just are not ready for the whole commitment thing. With so much talent looking for a little adult fun online of a similar mind, why would you?

I was talking, after one of the equally staged works’ parties before the festive break, to a colleague; we’d escaped to the relative sanity of the hotel bar, far from the madding crowd, indeed. We were both two out of the three sheets to the wind (m’colleague closer than I) as I started to outline my dilemma, i.e., how do I enjoy the family gathering without offending either my aunty or one of my fellow dating site members by subjecting them to the festive farce.

“You use dating shitesch, right?”, my colleague asked, swilling and spillng a glass of festive cheer in my face as they did so. After answering in the affirmative, that yes, I certainly did avail myself of online dating facilities, I was beckoned closer to their ear in an overly confidential manner.

I turned so they could lean closer and, after catching and securing them by the elbow, they whispered “Eshcortsch!” into my ear, then wobbled back into their barstool, into what was as close to an upright position as they were going to achieve for the rest of the evening, and looking as if they’d just revealed the combination to the lock that contained my aunty’s deeds.

Escorts! I thought to myself the next morning, as I woke up in the ground floor hotel room, and instantly flipped up the laptop to search for Escort dating agencies in my area. Never a good idea when you’ve had a few, so I left it well alone, the night before. I was surprised at how many there were…
…not as surprised as my aunty, when I turned up at our party a few nights later with one on my arm…

Is paying for your online date legal pimping?

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Labelled as “the oldest trade in the world”, way before the wheel and the pyramids came along, was prostitution. It’s still prevalent in society today, as downtown, low-lit street corners are populated with ladies of the night offering themselves for cash, with a cut going to their pimp, who acts as their bodyguard when things get tough, for his slice of the pie.

And now, for those who have trouble attracting a date by the usual means (ie online dating, these days…), you can now pay to take someone out, if the price is right.

This is not a hidden dating site, trying to stay away from the limelight, oh no. Brandon Wade has made darned sure this adult-only dating site has received maximum publicity, parading it on TV in front of live audiences.

The show even had some of its dating membership in tow as they attempted to convince the public that everything was above board, legitimate, and these dating site boys and girls were available to be wined, dined, wooed and, let’s face it, rude by their prospective partner, if they could stump up the cash (on top of their monthly membership fee).

Brandon Wade – in over his head, off it, or got it well screwed on?

Whatever your opinion of Brandon Wade, he knows where the money is, and he courts publicity like the members of his dating sites do each other. The fact that he uses human traffic to fill his pot, well, that’s up to the individuals who sign up for his services.

As well as this dating site, which allows you to pay for an evening’s entertainment with a member of the opposite sex of your choice – yes, there are men on there who are successfully reaching their price tag and thus being whisked away for nights of adult dating and whatever that entails – he also runs another site where there are big bucks involved, for Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies.

Honestly, you wouldn’t believe how many women flock to sign up to be a Sugar Baby! Anyway, he recently caused a stir when he claimed that Jim Carrey’s relationship with Russian student Anastasia Vitkina was akin to many on the Sugar Daddy site. The theory behind that comparison being that Jim’s quite a few year’s Anastasia’s senior and she flits across the globe to be with him, all at his expense.

So, back to the dating site where you pay for the privilege of someone’s hand for the evening: would you use this service, either pimping yourself out or paying for someone who took your fancy? And what would you expect at the end of the first date for your dollar?

You can see why some members of the dating site community see this as, at best, an escort service, at worst, an online brothel waiting to happen.

Why not check out our safe selection of hand-picked dating sites which could, theoretically, get you up and running in minutes; and whilst you’re on, check out our site for the many articles designed to help you get the best out of online dating?

Mobile dating app means she’s not the only one I know

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Do you remember, ooh, pre-Google say, when you had a little black book full of names that you could rely on to get you out of a spot of bother if you had a get together but no date to go with? Failing that, you had to pull your finger out, get in a taxi to Picasso’s in Wolverhampton, flop your hair about to The Charlatans a bit and hope that was enough to score a partner for that family do you just knew you’d be chastised by your lovely, but dated and slightly senile, aunt for if you turned up without a girlfriend on your arm?

Well, Tim, Blunty and the gang are still going but my hair is less floppy, now – more ‘distinguished’, one could say – but if the only one I know is otherwise engaged, nowadays I can just tap the app and, even though those long, strawberry-blonde locks have gone, I retain that winning smile if I need to rustle up an off-the-cuff date. Especially with apps that let me know of any like-minded singles that may be in the vicinity.

If we thought that dating sites had revolutionised the way one hunts down a member of the opposite sex in an hour of need, we stand to be amazed by the progress that GPS-toting smartphones are making to those ends.

There are now more and more apps – downloadable for most types of devices – which can hook up to a satellite and see other members of these mobile dating sites who are literally minutes away from you.

I think anyone who has ever gone out for a night ‘out on the pull‘ has walked into a bar and, following a quick reccy, decided what a lost cause it was and subsequently been at a loss. Not only do these mobile apps let you know who’s about, but they also contain a snippet of dating site profile information about that potential partner who’s just waiting to be found.

With one tap of the app, you can entice them to come and meet you, have a drink of their choice waiting and, all of a sudden, that bar is no longer so desolate as when you first walked in. You can even make out to the other singles hanging out there that you’d arranged the date beforehand as you wait the short time for your mobile dating correspondee to enter the establishment.

With a smug grin, you can turn around and ask silently: who’s the saddo, now? Nowadays, that would probably be me, flopping about to ‘Then‘, minus the fringe, glitterball reflecting where it once swayed, oh so softly…

Fear is the new viagra, allegedly…

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Have you ever wondered why, when you’re one nil up with a minute to go against Man Utd in the 98th minute – of stoppage time – that you get stirrings down below? Or why, when the girl goes running out of the back door in the middle of the night to investigate that scraping sound she heard on the window in that gruesome horror dvd you’re watching you have to slide the cushion across your lap to stop your date from cottoning on to your inexplicable arousal?

Well, according to recent research, that scenario happens when your brain literally misinterprets the information it is seeing. It’s almost as if it’s telling you: “Oi, I don’t like this, even though I know it’s not real, it’s still scaring the bejesus out of me, cannot compute, cannot compute.” So, what’s the first emotion that kicks in for a male when his brain doesn’t know how to digest scary information? Arousal, of course!?!?

Okay, now that you know you’re not just plain wierd when the victim gets garotted with a length of fusewire that just happened to be lying around or that you’re having to walk out of the ground hunched over after the final whistle’s gone, what are you going to do with this information – after the relief’s set in, of course?

Well, there are boffins who actually study this area of expertise – blog about it, have even produced a book about it. And they truly believe that this emotion can be an aid to dating.

The theory goes like this, and it’s especially appropriate if you’ve met this first date on a dating site and you’re not sure whether they’re going to fancy you, or not. Even if your date is not totally enamoured with you at the time, being put, in a sense, in a place of imagined danger will stoke up this emotional turmoil and confusion.

Say, whilst you’re online dating you arrange to go ice skating for your first date; maybe you’ve both been individually before but neither of you are prolific.  That challenge, the fear of the unknown, will have you clinging to your new beau, without subconsciusly realising it – result!  Likewise, if you go see that horror flick together or watch The Wolves at home – or is that the same thing – hanging on for dear life means that contact is essential, even though it’s your first time out together.

It’s all clear and present danger but with the safety net of being harmless, from which our brains are somehow blinkered, that, after that first date is over, the pair of you will look back on and somehow recall just how aroused you were by your partner, and not the thought of Paul Scholes in a pair of tight white shorts running up to take the penalty (thank heaven for small mercies).

So, when your online dating days are over and you’ve just had your 25th Anniversary and need to inject a little spice, just remember that time at ‘The Silver Blades’ or ‘Evil Dead II’ or ‘Wolves 1 – 0 Man Utd’, and do something to recreate that sense of danger. Those old impulses will come flooding back and, once you’ve checked that, yes, the kids have finally left home for good, well – no need for the cushion, this time…

Leading dating site targeting long term singles

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Match.com are looking to revolutionise the way hopeful singles view their site by launching groundbreaking marketing to advertise its MatchAffinity.com long-term relationship aspect.

In a recent article here on dating.org.uk, we revealed how Match.com’s current dating site membership didn’t view ‘marriage‘ as part of the success story as much as that of its fiercest competitor in the dating market place, eharmony. This is a timely move by Match as its rival has just launched its own TV campaign, only last week, featuring British couples. It’s about time these corporations realised that UK dating represents a different target market than other global dating site communities.

From the start of next month, their ‘Going the distance’ campaign will bring real-life documentary clips filmed this month to our TV screens as part of the dating sites long-term relationship drive.

This will incorporate Mike and Alanna out on the road, complete with TV crew, as they seek the answers from genuine couples into their beliefs into the secrets that have kept them together for so long.

Get involved on your facebook app

In another move that sees the dating site world getting ever closer to social media, anyone who downloads the facebook app dedicated to this campaign can prompt the couple. Singles, more than ever, are drawing upon their constant use of social media platforms to get closer to other lonely hearts; Match.com have been exceptionally smart in leveraging this obsession to help promote this series of real-life ads.

UK online dating predicted to grow to £150M in just two years

Katie Sheppard, head of relationships in the UK and Eire, believes that singles who the company are trying to attract through this campaign would rather see real-life people than hand-picked actors. There is a very real association from the prospective audience, for which the creators of this revolutionary dating site campaign should receive the due plaudits.

This particular brand within the company’s portfolio really does drill down into hopeful singles details when they are completing their dating site profile. In an attempt to grow their UK dating market share, which they believe stands at between 50-60%, Katie believes the best way to do that is by letting the people who contribute to the “hundreds of success stories…every day” tell the story themselves.

And that’s a share of a pretty big pie; market analysts Mintel predict that, by 2014, the gross income of UK dating will represent a cool £150M. If you want to be a part of the online dating success story, search our top dating sites for compatibility in minutes.

An ordinary dating site male’s ok, but an Alpha’s Beta

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What type of man do you go for on your dating site? Strong and silent or cocky and arrogant? Stealthy and intelligent or fit and sporty?

No matter what type of dating site profile attracts you, it’s his alpha qualities that ultimately connect to your female subconscious and instigate the feelings that make you want to get in touch through your dating membership.

When someone drops the phrase ‘Alpha male’ into the conversation, everyone else’s thoughts quickly turn to images of the Neanderthal dragging Mrs Caveman by the hair behind him back to the cave, club slung back over the shoulder.

But is that what being the Alpha is all about, topping the food chain, dominating the opposite sex and knocking out the competition before they can articulate a word in defense?

What makes a man Alpha is knowing his limitations, learning how to accomplish those things within that scope to his maximum benefit and how to identify feasible targets within those parameters.

When a man identifies this playing field, it can stop him overshooting the mark, which would otherwise lead to him becoming disheartened; instead, he’s left to focus on playing at a level at which he knows will bring success. Once any guy acknowledges this, he can become Alpha.

So, girls, when choosing yo man on dating sites, don’t just go for the one with the chiseled jaw, floppy fringe and sparkling eyes and teeth until you’ve got to know him a little bit better.

You can tell by the first few questions whether or not a man is out of his depth; if, on the other hand, his responses seem natural, answered without too much deliberation and not attempting to blow your mind with exaggerated tales about themselves, you’ve more than likely hooked up with your typical Alpha male.

Not only that, with his own decisive mindset, he will know what he’s looking for; if you stretch the truth about your own experiences, he may consider you beyond his limitations and you could be missing out on a genuine opportunity to embrace love online.

The one word of warning for ladies who recognise that they have landed an Alpha male on their online dating site is, if you’re not serious, pull out right from the start. They ooze confidence as they stick to fields they know well – when they set their hearts on someone, that assertiveness wins through in the end, drawing people to them like a magnet without any need to be forceful, instead letting them fall into orbit, like the moon around the Earth.

So, if you don’t want the tides turning on you on your dating site, when your Alpha male tells you straight he wants you for his online partner, he’s not playing games and he very rarely loses.

Single parents rush to start dating in 2012

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Like many dating sites, datingsingleparents.co.uk eagerly anticipates an influx of new member sign ups early in 2012.

Many dating sites have reported huge surges in people flocking to start the new year with a new relationship by looking for love online. Some have even drafted in extra staff to cope with the rise in demand for the online singles services that they offer.

We’ve taken the view of the mainstream and reported on why they think that singles in their thousands flood to their sites so soon after the festivities are out of the way, but why should single parents feel the need so urgently?

Penny Russell, a spokeswoman for the site, which offers a free trial, gold (paid) and featured (only with a gold membership) service has gone to some lengths to give us an explanation as to how they interpret the annual stampede.

Stay resolute: give up giving up

The first insight from Penny will be familiar to all of you singles out there who’ve had ear-bashings from your nearest and dearest this Christmas and New Year.

She believes that, when the resolutions are made at new year, many singles look to shift that monkey off their back, prove the naysayers wrong and actively seek to do something about being single. The hope that is ushered in with January 1st is perhaps the kick-start that many single parents need to ensure it’s not another year spent alone.

Be my Valentine, Mommy?

Looming around the corner, so soon after we’ve welcomed in the new year, but not quite settled into it, is Valentine’s Day.

Penny reckons that many singles face this date with “dread” – more than any other day – if they think they’re going to be the one left on the shelf without at least a card on the mantelpiece, other than the one Little Johnny has made for his mother at school. Again, the thought alone is better than any marketing campaign as single parents flock to join such niche dating sites, especially if the mainstream ones have not worked for them, with children in tow.

However, this by no means is meant to suggest that this type of dating site is a last resort; with 13 million member profiles on datingsingleparents.co.uk alone, how could it be?

With a limited matchmaking site facility, profile set up and default photo viewer, as well as being able to give out regular winks – careful! – the free entry level offers many of the facilities that online dating members are used to.

The gold, paid service lifts restrictions on the number of messages you can send and also exposes other members full galleries to you and allows unrestricted video-chat and text facilities so it’s the real deal, alright.

For single parents looking to be not so single by Feb 14th and beyond, tip these guys the wink and see if you can get a winker, back.

Giving up monogamy this hogmanay

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According to all sources, if you’re intent on cheating on your beloved, betrothed or bedraggled other half, your objectives will be outlined on 4th January more than any other day in the year. That’s the word coming from the media, backed up by new sign up figures at dating sites dedicated to adultery.

Illicitencounters.com is just one of the niche dating sites specialising in secret affairs that have reaped the benefits of one desperate half of a couple being released from the cage that has been their marital home over the festive season.

As the business sector slowly wakes up, in many cases to find the economic outlook equally as gloomy – if not worse – than it was before Christmas, phones rest in their cradles and order books lie open with a list of numbers that are nothing more than the cappuccinos and black coffee combinations to the drinks machines. All without sugar, of course, as individuals look to lose pounds, as well as fidelity, as they log back on to their computers straight to the secret dating site, rather than to a supplier’s stock screen.

It is this freedom, as married individuals become fed up of their home life and the claustrophobia that has been the festive season, coupled with the realisation that the run of the mill job isn’t going to do anything to lift the cloak of boredom from their lives, that has been blamed for increases of up to 300% for new dating site membership sites design to provide the stealth needed to have an elicit affair.

The figures really are astounding.

One of the leading dating sites aimed at capturing this unsatisfied married market had received over 600 new sign-ups by lunch-time on the fourth and missed out on a thousand for the day by a mere six individuals.

This is more than double the average daily number.

If you take the basis that, in one recent survey almost 20% of married women had admitted to cheating on their husband at least once and 25% of men on their wives, you can surmise that almost 600 of those new dating site sign-ups were the male of the species. Whilst the women are not charged for using the online dating facility in question, it will cost the married man (how he covers this up in his bank statement or explains the outgoing, we’re not sure) €100/£80 month to actually contact the results of his matchmaking search. That’s a cool £50k, almost, for the site, yesterday. In one day. More than I earn in a year. One day. Wow!

With the dating site boasting 640,000+ ‘genuine UK users’, assuming 60/40 male/female split, you’re talking over £3.5M income per annum from male members’ fees alone.

There’s an old saying in these parts: where there’s muck, there’s money.

Dagnammit, the old ‘uns got that right.

New year, new start, new love?

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Okay, by now your hangover should have cleared up (if not, I’m partying with you, next New Year), you’re back at work and the memory of that guy or girl you picked up to get you through the festive season is just a ghost of Christmas past.

It’s the first week of January and it’s time to put a stake in the ground and take stock of your life up to this point. Now, this is not ground-breaking stuff that we’re going to be covering in the next couple of articles but they should serve as timely reminders to prove to be a springboard for what 2012 can hold if you make the best use of your dating sites. Use what you’ve learnt to date – the bad gunky as well as the happier lessons – and dive right in. If you’ve done your homework, you’ll find that the water’s lovely. You won’t even need a rubber ring!

Set realistic goals for your love life – there’s no rushing Mr or Mrs Right

Failure. It’s such a disheartening word but one many people connect with come the second week of the year. That’s because so many people set resolutions that are, frankly, unrealistic.

Falling in love by Valentine’s Day is perhaps a good example, but there are many others.

Weightloss is another classic that millions of people plump for as one year ends and another begins. What happens? Lack of planning, unrealistic goals and a lack of support from others often sees ‘dieting’ hopefuls bingeing before you can say Twelfth Night.

What people fail to appreciate – sticking with the weightloss example for a moment – is that it’s taken perhaps a lifetime of bad habits to get to the point where you’ve decided you’ve got to do something about it. That is a lot to change without professional help, which is why so many people fail before they even start.  Diets – like online dating sites – are not one size fits all, but are successful if you play them to your strengths.

Your love life is really no different to failed diets. If you have a succession of failure, always tripping up over the same hurdles but not learning from the mistakes, you are only kidding yourself by telling yourself you’re going to snare a partner in six weeks, or less if you’ve just decided that February 14th is your cut-off date for kindling that new, special relationship.

My guess is that, if you’re the type of person who got together with someone to get you through Christmas, you’re also the most likely candidate to be looking desperately for someone you can smother on Valentine’s Day purely in the hope of being spoilt, back. Even to the extent that you may already be considering that bod who got you through the last week of 2011, although you were glad to see the back of them come January 2nd?

Don’t do it! You’re just wasting your time and theirs. Instead, take a long, hard look in the mirror and be honest with the person looking back at you. Remember that stake in the ground – remember the bad gunky scars, but do not re-open the wound and bleed all over again – all that stuff’s the other side of your new marker.

From now on, it’s ‘Onwards and upwards’.

facebook in bad books as marriages go to the wall

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There is no denying the popularity of facebook; in the UK alone, 30,000,000 users log on at least once a month – that’s almost half of the entire population who are old enough to turn on a lap-top.

The problem, so divorce lawyers are finding, is that the social media facility is not only a way of meeting up with like-minded people but a way for ex-es to come sneaking out of the cupboard and make contact with married individuals who had (perhaps) been less than truthful about their dating past.

Of the 5,000 divorces that have been applied for citing ‘unreasonable behaviour’ as the prime cause, one third of embittered spouses have gone on to blame facebook for the instigation of that behaviour.

This represents an increase of 50%, according to Divorce-Online managing director Mark Keenan, over the previous two years.

One thing leads to another

Keenan goes on to comment on how easily facebook lends itself to the type of communication that can, genuinely, start out as a striking up of a relationship between ex-lovers.

However, as this innocent online flirtation turns to memories tinted with a rosie halcyon shade, the temptation is to have a stroll down memory lane ‘for old times’ sake’. It is the conversations leading up to this point that divorce lawyers are digging up and using in evidence in divorce applications.

Ex-es cross swords online

As well as facebook being used as a type of online dating facility for ex-es to communicate with each other to refresh old acquaintances, it seems that those parted couples who retain a bitterness from their separation from a past loved one are using the site to air their dirty washing in public.

Like everything else in the world of online dating, our cousins across the pond have started to label the different aspects of facebook, already. As well as there being a dating site purely dedicated to ‘facebook cheating’, the citizens over there are using facebook ‘bombs’ to spatter news of someone’s straying from the matrimonial path to all and sundry who care to delve into the detritus.

In a rather dramatic statement, one dating coach has stood up and said on record that facebook will be ‘the source of all future infidelity’.

Read into that statement what you will, especially with dating sites dedicated to married individuals looking for extra-curricular activity reporting record sign-ups already, so soon after Christmas.

If you do want to date an ex, do not do it on a site where your family, wife and children can all be caught in the crossfire when an unexpected bomb explodes, sending your marriage to the wall.

Festive pressures increase adult dating sign-ups

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The festive season can get fraught with tension as families are cooped up for longer-than-usual periods. Like it or not, one (or both) of the individuals in such couples turn to dating sites such as undercoverlovers.com for solace when things in the marital home get just too much.

This year, the owners of the strictly adult dating site, designed specifically to target married couples looking for excitement beyond their existing relationship, were ready.

In their first year in operation, 2010, undercoverlovers.com were overwhelmed by the influx of new members in the period immediately after Christmas. This year, the trend was no less emphatic with almost three times the amount of new members signing up than average.

So, why did almost 20,000 feel the need to look elsewhere for new relationships following the Christmas holiday? Relationship experts and lawyers give their opinion as to why this should be the case.

Pressure cooker situation needs space to let off steam

Dr. Maryse Vaillant, a relationship advisor to the dating site, points out the blinding obvious.

She reasons that, whilst one or both halves of a couple are at work usually, when the festive holidays break there can be two weeks of enforced togetherness that denies the relationship its ability to breathe which it would in normal circumstances.

If there are hidden cracks, this added pressure will get between them and burst them wide open.

The legal outlook

Voices from the legal sector tend to back up what the relationship expert and the dating site tell us.

The period directly following the festive break is the busiest for family lawyers who handle divorces. More applications for separations are filed at this time of year than any other.

Poll give tips to those who fear the worst

Following last year’s glut of new arrivals, the dating site surveyed 5,000 of their new members to try to ascertain exactly why they had joined.

The top five reasons are listed as:

1. the other half doesn’t appreciate them
2. the romance has gone, yet is sorely saught
3. bedroom antics have become stale and excitement is yearned
4. arguments with the spouse have caused them to look elsewhere
5. the Christmas stocking was almost bare

The message is simple when presented with so much evidence.

Make sure you find quality time alone with each other if you’re subjected to prolonged periods of togetherness, including putting the effort in in the bedroom.

And, when considering your spouse’s Christmas gift, take the time to consider the gift to nip any recourse in the bud before it happens.

No cold front this Christmas for Carrey

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Whatever Jim Carrey does, he cannot seem to keep his love-life out of the media spotlight. Although his current beau is almost 30, the fact the she’s a Russian student who flits across the country to be with the Hollywood star (presumably at his expensive), puts ole Jim in the Sugar Daddy category, according to Brandon Wade, founder of one of the largest Sugar Daddy sites on the planet.

It would seem that it took a rock concert to officially alert the press to the relationship and grease the Axl to keep the media wheels a-turning. The pair were spotted hand-in-hand in LA at a Guns ‘n’ Roses gig to officially bring to an end in the world’s eyes Jim’s relationship with Jenny McCarthy as he takes up with Anastasia Vitkina.

Is it really a Sugar Daddy/Baby relationship?

The ‘official’ definition of a Sugar Daddy, according to Wade, who is also author of ‘The Definitive Guide to Sugar Daddy and Mutually Beneficial Relationships’ so some cynics may say has a vested interest in the relationship’s encumbent publicity, considers a Sugar Daddy to be a man of definitive wealth, somewhat older than his partner, to whom he is willing to concede some of his time (and wealth) in return for her affection, be it platonic or intimate.

Loosely speaking, if reports in the press are on the money, the two do fit the bill to be tagged thus.

Many Sugar Babies live a similar lifestyle

On Brandon’s dating site, which hosts more than a million members, many of the young girls who hook up with their older partners do travel extensively to be with them and their bank accounts.

The girls on the adult dating site, who outnumber the Sugar Dadies by 10-to-1, unbelievably, are rarely expected to fund any of the accomodation or travel expenses and often list their occupations as ‘students’.

Given this, you can see where the parallels are being drawn by the media with the relationship between Carrey and Vitkina and what has become socially recognised as the Sugar Daddy/Baby relationship.

Wade puts the success of his own dating site, seekingarrangement.com, as much down to the economic crisis as anything else.

Jobs simply aren’t there that college-girls would normally take to tide them over; it is much more benfitial, and lucrative, to date an older man with wealth, who may not be expecting a long-term relationship, just a fleeting association, which suits the students to get them through college…

…we must have been going through a credit crisis when I went to University, too – I just thought the girls all had rich fathers when they were dropped off for a new term. Shows what I know.

No gay app yet for women who’d like to Grind

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A few applications have tried to provide an equivalent for women to the gay man’s popular mobile dating app Grindr, but none have, as yet, had the meteoric success of the male-only same-sex dating application.

If you’re a gay man, you sign up to Grindr, or so the popular theory goes; the app that lets you know where other potential partners are Grinding in your vicinity, you can check out their dating profile and decide whether you fancy getting together to start dating or, as results would seem to suggest, a casual, intimate affair with no nterest in commitment, other than essential protection.

With almost three million men having downloaded the app across the globe, and a considerable percentage of those here in the UK, if you’re gay you’re almost expected to have the app – but bi and lesbian women are pondering why this type of service is just not working for them as well as the traditional online dating site seems to be.

Others lesbian sites have tried and fell by the wayside

It’s not for the want of trying – there have been a couple of dating applications that have started out as the female equivalent to Grindr.

Qrushr Girls, adopting a similar name, set out to rival the male dating phenomenon but the site, when you try to access it, has a redirect to an insurance site.

Blendr is another dating application that, setting out with the right causes in mind, i.e. targeting straight and lesbian singles, has become off-putting for the female sector it has been aiming to capture by hosting ‘too many penis pics’.

Is it the market for lesbian love that just isn’t there?

There are thousands of bi-sexual and lesbian women hitting the right search terms on the internet, but this hopeful seeking is futile when it comes to finding a reliable app.

In the UK, there are 160k men signed up to Grindr, yet the multitudes of women looking for same sex relations cannot be tempted to sign up for similar services.

What is the different ideology between the dating preferences?

There is a very simple explanation – so simple it not only says something about the state of same-sex dating but also the difference between the mindset of men and women when it comes to hooking up with a firm date.

Men are okay using their dating applications for the use of casual sex, hence these type of dating sites and applications have developed that type of reputation.

Many women prefer a genuine coupling, looking for a more substantial relationship. They, therefore, look to the more traditional dating site and are less likely to use an app to find someone for a one night stand in the local vicinity.

There is a market for lesbian Grindr-type applications but the perceived ideas many women hold of a relationship, even same-sex, indicates that there will never be as much demand as the male-only dating applications, although it is understood that there are hundreds of thousands of bi and lesbian women in the UK, let alone the world.

If there is someone out there with a bit of nounce, this could be an ideal opportunity to plug this hole in the lesbian dating market.

Well do you love me, too?

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Does your man still love you, or is it time to hit the world of online dating to see if you can find love hidden away on the web’s thousands of dating site facilities?

Following on from yesterdays article, where we asked about love and quality time, we conclude with the bedroom test to see if your man still retains his ardour or whether your relationship’s all become a bit of a flop.

Let’s get physical

And the ultimate test – how is he performing in the bedroom?

Does he put the time and effort in when you’re making love for the interaction to be about the two of you? Does he only come on to you after his couple of beers have turned into several and Stella Artois is driving his ardour?

Or even outside of the bedroom, do you feel secure when he holds you, or do you only get hugs when he needs to feel warmth and affection?

When written in black and white, these sentiments seem obvious. But they are so hard to face that many women just carry on, regardless.

Don’t be that woman. We all need to feel loved – it is one of our key motivators to stave off depression and keep ourselves upbeat in our daily lives.

If this is you, or you are looking across thousands of dating site profiles to see if you can find men who exhibit traits of personality that entrust you to them to provide you with the necessary love you crave, put these (potential) lovers to the test before you go on a date with them, to see if they are rue to their word or just all mouth and no trousers.

You know what you’re looking for – devise a few questions to truly examine your existing man and see if the love is still there, but just buried by an unassociated issue that you can both deal with to eradicate and let your love flow. Or, be true to yourself if the answers are negative, what you’ve grown to expect, and it really is time to take your head out of the sand, admit that you’re going nowhere and try to find yourself a man, in real life or test the water on a dating site, and start afresh.

There are literally thousands, nay millions, of men waiting to give love a good home for the right woman on UK dating sites and right around the world. Or, if you don’t want to give up just yet, our next article will be on getting your man and keeping him, after the imminent festivities.

Merry Christmas and here’s to a properous New Year, with the right man in tow, of course!
And thank you, all the readers, for getting us on page one of Google – ya-hey! We love you – there’s more to come in 2012 – dating.org.uk will rock your dating world, next year!

Well do you love me?

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When you’ve been married for some time, some of the magic can fizzle and die. Life takes over and the little signs of affection that once were the portal to passion have become platitudes.

This can be true when you first start out dating, too. If that spark looks like flickering out early on, if football always comes first, or if he prefers a game of darts down the local to a quiet night in ‘on a promise’ with all the trimmings, you have to ask yourself: does he still love me?

Many women will adopt the ostrich theory: if they sense, on a subconscious level, that things ain’t what they used to be, they bury their heads in the sand rather than approach the issue head on.

This may keep the relationship alive in an literal sense, but does it take you back to when you first started dating, when you’d get butterflies just thinking about going to meet him?

Doubtful, but here are three tests you can apply to see if that lost love can be rekindled into the fiery passion you had on those first intimate dates.

What’s love got to do with it?

How often do you hear those three little words, other than when you go out of your way to fetch a pack of beer ready for the game or when you do that ‘special thing’ he likes so much when the lights go out?

Is he afraid to profess his love in public or does he supress his feelings when you’re out together? Or when you’re alone or on the phone to each other, how often does he actually finish the conversation with the phrase, “I love you“, not just a quick ‘love you’ and be on his way.

Time for action

How much do you see of your man?

When he says he’s stopping off for a couple of beers after a work, is he true to his word, or do those two stretch to three and four, neglecting anything you may have prepared for tea or other responsibilities that allow you your free time?

And how often does he get ‘held up’ at work when he knows you’ve made special arrangements, maybe even organised a date to galvanise what you have and try and add a bit more sheen to your waning relationship, and are waiting for him to be home on time, for a change?

We’ll leave you to ponder those; boxing day, we take this love-test into the bedroom…

Get back on track after breaking up 1

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Dating can be an arduous task at the best of times; an elite small percentage can just do it, whereas many of us have to build up tentatively, uncertain of how the ground lies, even more uncertain of ourselves.  This is never more true than after exiting a long term relationship.

Whether it is marriage we’re talking or having lived with your ex in a common-law partnership, it has possibly been a while since you’ve been on a date and wonder if you want to put yourself through the mill yet another time, just to be hurt again some way down the line.

Here are a few guidelines to get you back into the swing of things and eliminate some of the issues that may lead you to jump out of the frying pan into the fire…

Time to move on

When you’re on that first date, even if you have been communicating fluently and for a period of time over your dating site forum, it is inevitable that conversation will stall at some point during the occasion.

Do not use tales about your ex to bridge those awkward silences. The first signal that falling back onto that topic will send out is one of pining for your lost love. Can you imagine being with someone on the first date and, the moment you’ve said your piece and they theirs, they start comparing your answers or mannerisms to their recently divorced partner? Not fun – you imagine what they’re going to be comparing next…

Don’t you be the one to make your new partner think that they have to compete on every level with your ex – that’s a sure-fire way to guarantee your relationship ends the moment that first date draws to its natural conclusion, if not before.

Focus on your partner and the date itself

If your date has read the ‘tips for a first date‘ handbook (of which there are thousands online), they will have gone to extreme lengths to get their look just right for the occasion. That’s everything from hair and general attire to the time, setting and location.

Nothing will quite kill the mood and atmosphere if you start talking about what a pain your three year old son Billy was at nursery or why your department at work is not hitting its sales target.

Yes, you may have had the day from hell, but leave it roasting in the fires of Hades and celebrate this moment and the possible paradise to which it may lead.

Continued in Get back on track after breaking up 2

Get back on track after breaking up 2

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Carrying on from part 1, we conclude with a couple more tips to at least ensure that your first date secures a second. More than that, tips to help you identify possible timewasters, wrapped up in a long-since dead love affair, next to which you’ll have to live up to for the rest of your, or the relationship’s, days, whichever ends soonest.

Be upbeat and not too probing

The key to a good date, in the reconnaissance sense, is to get an overview of your potential partner. At this stage, you do not want to delve deep into any specifics, especially relationships. Would you like to be given the third degree about your divorce on the first date? Absolutely not.

Keeping the conversational tone light and positive will discourage your partner from throwing up barriers, giving you a truer sense of the real them than a guarded view if you take on the role of inquisitor.

Also, you want something to talk about next time. If you’ve done all of the positives to death first time around, the second date will end up focusing on the negatives.

It’s about the two of you

A bout of nervousness is usual for most people before any date, but even worse for those who have grown out of the habit of hooking up for the first time.

You may want to proclaim your new found freedom – you could go on for hours and you probably would – but you’ll be far better off taking stock, gauging feedback and allowing your partner to express themselves during every point of the evening.

It’s understandable that you want to make an impression, but allowing them to paint a picture of themselves as well as you daubing their walls with the colour ‘you‘ will ensure you can make a reasoned assessment of the evening and whether a second date is warranted.

Dating should be fun; try and stay relaxed (not seven sheets relaxed, though), keeping the objective in focus all the way. Be as honest as you can without giving too much away – there’ll be plenty of time for in depth psycho-analysis, if and when your relationship gets that far, down the line.

Getting to know the real them and giving them an insight to what makes you happy is imperative to long term happiness, in any relationship. Be true to yourself, accentuate positives and let them have their say.

If you’ve got it right, just said enough to get them hooked and given them chance to at least outline their profile and the second date is still on, then that’s job done; you can stop worrying what all the fuss was about and get ready for the second date.

Less flack nowadays as cougar styles move in one direction

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When Doctor Foster happened upon Gloucester in the middle of the nineteenth century, never to return again, it wasn’t perhaps the fact that he stepped in the piddle up to his middle that stopped him returning. More likely, if the women way back then were anything like the city’s present female population, it was the fact that he was being hunted by cougars that made him uneasy about going back.

This is what the results of a recent survey, show: Gloucester has more cougars than anywhere else in the country, with 7 out of 10 women actively considering dating younger men. Of those, 12 per cent are actively on the prowl, looking to get their claws stuck in to a strip of younger flesh for nothing more than a passing liaison.

Quite surprisingly, that figure is not excessively higher than the national average, with just over half of the women on singles network Badoo who took part in the online questionnaire conceding they had seriously considered picking up toyboys at one time or another.

The dating site polled 2,000 UK women to find out which city was the country’s cougar capital, with Gloucester having one in ten more women likely to pounce on a young buck than its closest rivals. Both cities completing the top three in the adult dating survey were north of the border, with Aberdeen registering 62% of its women looking for a highland fling with a younger man and Scotland’s second city, Glasgow, finishing in third, with 61% of its females pining for younger Gorbals looking to sow their oats.

As recently reported here on dating.org.uk, although fashionable, this type of relationship can soon get fraught. Demi Moore’s relationship with Ashton Kutcher, 16 years her junior, lasted a fleeting six years after they made it down the aisle. Madonna and Guy Ritchie promised so much, both at the pinnacle of their professions, but lasted such a short time.

Of course, the current flavour of the month is media presenter Caroline Flack, dating X-Factor wannabe Harry Styles from the group One Direction, made popular by money-magnate Simon Cowell’s show. At 32, Caroline is taking the cougar theme to the extreme by dating the 17-year old, who would still be at school, albeit sixth form, if it wasn’t for the ‘fame’ bestowed by the popular update of New Faces.

Will this one go the distance? I’d bet him a pint that it won’t, but he’s not yet old enough to buy it me when I win…

Woman to woman

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It’s interesting to see what commentators on online dating communicate to their own sex in the way of advice about the opposite sex. For those new to dating, on- or offline, the internet seems full of ‘good’ advice when, sometimes, you learn a longer lasting lesson by making the mistakes first, committing them to memory and, via the modem of self-awareness, use previous experiences as an alert when next put in a similar situation.

Reading through the news tonight, I came across a post by a young lady who literally did catalogue all the ‘dating don’ts‘ regarding how one’s behaviour on a first date may jeopardise a follow-up and how it really is important not to rest on your laurels and picture yourself walking down the aisle just because you’ve secured that second liaison.

I’ll relate them to you here in a sort of bullet-list type way; this is so as not to impart the sympathy I felt for the young poster who, reading between the lines, even if she did extract much of the information from one of thousands of online dating guides and tip articles, related the tale in such a manner as to leave the reader with the impression that she’d been there, done it and was sitting wearing the tee-shirt (and kiss-me-quick-type hat) as she wrote the article. Bless.

Watch what you say and do

At all times, during the first date, the objective, should the subject be worthy, is to secure the second date. You are communicating on all levels, subliminally and expressively – leave him with a good impression

Analyse and repeat

There will be times during the first date when you felt a real connection. What was it about those shared moments that made them memorable? Wash, rinse, dress those points up to the nines and repeat next time.

You’ve won the battle, not the war

Do not be a walkover. Even though you’re on a second or third date, this is not to be considered a relationship. Make him make the effort by not laying your life bear at this stage; stealth is still key.

Conversation for conversion

Keep the topics upbeat and light, focusing on the positive elements of you to which he reacted on the first date. Emphasise your own good points and, at this stage, all the bad-gunky should be left in an iron box locked away at the bottom of a cupboard. If conversation stalls, communicate with flirtatious smiles and smouldering, lingering looks that accentuate your femininity. Oh, and use gaps for listening, too.

Grab the issues, not the tissues

Women struggle to deal head-on with issues about her new man that may arise during the early stages of a relationship. These are generally the aspects of the male personality they think they can change later on. If you don’t like a mannerism, habit or belief, say so. His reaction will be a good insight into how he is prepared to do the other ‘c’ word, compromise. Commitment being the other, for those of you who were thinking otherwise, naughty!

Desperate needs and measures

If you are interested let him know subtly, not by flinging yourself at him or constantly calling/texting him. He’ll initiate further dates if he’s genuinely interested in you and will just get narked if you’re on his case all of the time.

One swallow doesn’t make a summer

Mr Right may take many, many dates to find – go on as many as you have to until you understand what it is that makes men feel good and how you can shape yourself into a woman men would die for. You will make mistakes and dating can mean a huge learning curve for those new to the concept. It’s important that you learn from them but don’t linger on them and definitely do not beat yourself up about it.

Just write it all down in an article, instead.

First date do’s and don’ts – for the two of you

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After looking at the first date do’s and don’ts specific to each of the sexes, we will conclude this mini-series with a few hints and tips applicable to the two of you, the first time you take your online dating offline. This is general good advice and is applicable to any liaison when you’re first getting to know someone.

There are times, when you go on a first date, that you can leave and not remember an awful lot about the person you have spent the evening with. Did they hang on your every word or were you talking that much they didn’t even get a word in edgeways? Were they smitten and can’t wait for you to get in touch or are they not calling because you bored them rigid?

It is key that you pay attention to what your date is saying; to do that, you have to give them the chance. Here are a few tips to not only ensure you get the best from your first date, but also give you the best chance of securing that even more critical second encounter. Like buying a house, your first viewing is to test the water, the second is where you really get to know whether you could incorporate it in your lifestyle. Sadly, too few prospects get the second viewing.

The brief is to be brief
When you do talk, do not ramble. Even if you’re relating a chapter of your life (why, on a first date, is the real question), pause for breath. Droning on about yourself is poor form; even when writing, you will lose your audience (in this instance, a very selective one) if you do not interject something they can relate to. If you see a yawn, take the hint.

Be interested
Some people are generally submissive and lack confidence. Take the time to put them at ease, ask relevant questions about what they’ve said. Look them in the eye, engendering trust, building their confidence. Do not put them on a pedastal, however, to bring them crashing down by boasting that you’ve done what they’re proud of with a yak on your back.

Just no-no’s
Don’t invite them to appraise you. Not only may you not like the answer, but it unveils either egotistic undertones or insecurity; neither are positive. Past relationships are best left there whilst you’re trying to build the foundations of a new one. An ex is not a good cornerstone for your new relationship.

Leave a little in the tank
Don’t unburden everything on your new partner first time out – you’ll stand a better chance of keeping the lid on your life if you limit yourself to only a couple of drinks. You want to leave something to talk about next time out, not reveal a warts and all picture of your life to date.

If your date has been an unmitigating failure, say so there and then. You don’t need to go into details, but try and give them something positive to take away, from the night and to bolster their courage for their next attempt – just because they’re not your cup of tea, doesn’t mean they can’t make someone else happy. Conversely, if you’ve had a wonderful time, don’t automatically invite your partner home or ask for a second date. Allow suitable time to get in touch, 36 hours is the new en vogue waiting time from first date to follow up, and even longer for an after-date coffee, no matter how great the temptation.

First date do’s and don’ts – for her

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Nobody is ever sure of how a first date will play out, least of all the two parcipants. Your online dating buddies may be gunning for you, but they can’t take your place when it’s just the two of you.

We’ve looked into why there are differnet rules for the sexes when it comes to dating; we’ve told the men how to do it. Now, here’s what we reckon is good for the gander…

There’s Catwoman and Cat Slater
There are times when a woman knows how to get what she wants, understands what little flash will have him on his knees, with his credit card and pin number there for the taking. The first date is not that time, unless you want to spend the evening looking at a bald patch as he says little to you, but his words are echoing plenty down your cleveage. Just a hint of what lies beneath is usually enough to secure a second date, where you can really get to work on his psyche, if that’s your aim. If not, why not?

Be natural
Assuming that you’ve suitably shackled away anything that will have him talking through his manhood rather than his mouth, he will want to look at your face. Men do not like the thought of women spending hours shovelling on ‘crap’ that men don’t understand just so that the woman can look like someone they’re not. More is less – enough to hide any minor blemishes and accentuate those outstanding features is bang on the money

Be natural
Let the guy pay, you know you wanna. Unless he’s been an insufferable bore and by paying your half that is your way of officially terminating the relationship, do not offer. If you genuinely want to buy the guy a drink or meal, the first date, when he’s trying to muster as much bravado as is within, is not the time or place to even mention another liaison.

He will try to be funny.
Although most men are only genuinely hilarious when they strip down to their underwear, they think they are all of the time. If it’s not absolutely too much, humour him on this one occasion, unless you reach the point where you feel like a donkey – you will automatically laugh, even when he’s trying to relate something tragic…

When will I see you again?
Do not mention round 2, even if it’s dropping hints on a film you wouldn’t mind seeing. First dates are carrot-danglers – the man being the ass, the carrot – well, we’ll leave you to work that out. Do not make yourself appear unnecessarily desperate or clingy or available – let him follow up.

Sex on a first date
All you need to know about men, sex and a first date is that: they will. If you want any intrigue to remain, don’t do it. For men, the challenge is over, job done, bring on player 2. It is that simple.

Arrive, date and leave with your purse and dignity in tact, even let him pay for the cab home if he offers. If you don’t make an effort or avail yourself too readily, there will be no second date. Men are really that simple.

First date do’s and don’ts – for him

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There are key differences between the sexes regarding what they want and expect from a date.  Yesterday, we looked at why there should be different dating rules for men and women once we take our love lives out of the virtual world of online dating and bring them offline.

Following on from that, today we look at just what those differences are, one post on dating tips for men, a second for the fairer sex.  So, here are some guidelines for guys, looking to impress, that first time out.

Put the girl at ease by dating close by to her office or home

Ease and comfort will allow for that first date to run smoothly, allowing your brand new partner to relax. Choose a venue that she can access easily. The added bonus being, if the date goes really well, the taxi fare back to hers will be a snip.

Make an effort!

Your date will have pushed the boat out, you can be sure of that. For those old enough: earhole and nasal hair – get rid. And remember, hair, teeth, wristwatch and shoes – all glistening clean, please!

Be a gentleman

Ignore the press; chivalry is alive, well and running a bookstore in Digbeth. Do open restaurant and taxi doors, remembering to let her through first (duh!), take her coat and seat her at the table, facing directly opposite; she is the focus of your night, even to the point of rising yourself when she nips to powder her nose. Those uncommon touches all score points.

No showboating – experts don’t have to show off their skills

Be forthright, but not conceited

If you’re an expert in a given subject, let her find out for herself, by the questions she asks. If you’re going to compliment anyone, make sure it’s your date, not yourself or another hottie who happens to be in the same establishment. Your date has put the work in to get ‘great hair’ or ensemble a ‘cracking outfit’ – make sure you let them know you appreciate it. And, yes, they may have great buns, but mentioning that at this stage will give totally the wrong impression. Or, if it is the right impression of you, it shouldn’t be.

Dating someone you’ve not met, either on your dating site or in real life

Just because it’s a blind date doesn’t give you the excuse to be tardy or ignore any of the above; punctuality counts for any date. If you feel there may be nerves, suggest you meet where Dutch courage flows like lactose and sugar in the land of milk and honey.

Pay, without fuss, and see your date home.

Whatever the circumstances of your date have been, and however well it’s gone, put your hand in your pocket for the bill and get the girl a cab home, if you’re not moving on elsewhere. Whether the date’s been a success or not, details of events are gonna be squeezed out of your date by her clique on the dating site if you’re not meeting again or by her friends at the office if you are. Either way, you don’t want to be labelled a no-good, useless, tight wad!

Dating tips by the people for the people

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There are very few diamonds in the rough in the world of online dating news. As alluded to in previous posts, there is too much black-hat ‘keyword stuffing‘ from poor-quality dating websites looking to fill their pages with ‘news’ illegible to anyone but the Google spiders; and then there are the global dating sites whose content is specific to their own product and does little to represent the online dating community outside of their own domain.

Lovestruck.com, however, is neither, providing quality, readable content that, as well as being insightful leaves you feeling better informed when you leave the site than before you first logged on.

In a recent post, they produced a guide for both sexes to literally hold your hand through the dating process, including tips for the build-up, the during and the after (to a point). So as not to totally plagiarise the writer’s content, the next few articles will compile a his, a hers, and a mutual ‘how-to-date-guide’ to ensure that, when you do meet that special someone on your dating site, you won’t let yourself down when your wooing hits the tarmac of reality.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look at what the guys and girls recommend in light of their own extensive (by their own admission) experience from the world of UK dating.

why should there be two sets of rules?

It is harder for gents to get dates, it has to be said. Yes, they have a reputation of actually being less fussy, but the flip side is that women are, by their very nature, more choosy. There are plenty of arguments as to why this should be, but the favourite answer seems to be one akin to the theory of natural selection. The female of the species, as well as being more deadly than the male, has to carry the offspring produced by any physical liaison.

According to those who know about such things, there exists a switch that dates back to Neanderthal times buried deep within the female psyche, nearly as hard to find as that infamous place first defined by Regnier de Graaf way back in 1672.  This mystical node maintains a standard below which women will not drop when appraising any potential father to their future children. Much like the G-Spot, this switch can, and often is, flipped on or off by the application of Vodka and/or Stella Artois.

However, that is not a subject for the first date – that will come much, much later (no, don’t say it, don’t even think it!). First, we’ll see how we can guide the ‘him’ through that first date, flicking all the right switches to warrant a second encounter…

Single all the way

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Is that the sound of Santa’s sleigh I hear jingling to a halt on the roof? No, it’s Aunt Jeanie’s two-thousand bracelets rattling on the wrist that she’ll no doubt be shaking in my direction whilst reprimanding me for still being single after she’s had a few too many QC’s. Judgement by the family is, like mulled wine, one of the things I could do without at Christmas.

There are plenty of comebacks in my repertoire, many thanks to insights from fellow dating site members. Depending upon how well I like the relative (or dislike the nosey neighbour) in question will dictate by what degree I temper the response.

Don’t get me wrong, many are expressing genuine concern that I’ve not yet found the perfect partner; others are simply reinforcing their ‘holier than thou’ viewpoint, more for the benefit, I always feel, of themselves (and others listening) than due to any real interest in my relationship status. It is my opinion that those who want to point score in this manner perhaps have their own ounce of trouble in paradise and ought to be sorting their own love life out before poking their noses into mine.

There are surveys on dating sites across the globe but, in true matchmaking fashion, the questions seem constructed to produce a set of responses from their members so that they can be neatly pigeon-holed.

The problem, I’ve often found, when asking a specific set of singles what appear random questions is that those queries can be phrased in a manner that will produce predictable results guaranteed to endorse the questionnaire’s stance on the chosen topic. Or, indeed, a different argument, totally unrelated to the survey, to which the quizmaster can reference to back up what, to the uneducated eye, appears an altogether unconnected subject.

So taking a few ‘sample’ questions, here a some witty responses from the book of Zebedeerox to either a. allay the fears of your family, or b. put your inquisitive neighbour’s nose completely out of joint:

Q1. Isn’t it about time you found someone, yet?

a. [Aunt], when I find someone like you, then maybe I’ll think about it
b. [Neighbour], every time I do, they do something that reminds me of you

Q2. By the time I was your age, we were married and had children…

a. I know, [Aunt], but who’d knowingly bring kids into this world?
b. I know – it’s looking at your brats that’s stopping me having kids of my own

Q3. You’re not getting any younger, y’know – isn’t it about time you tied the knot?

a. Nah, [Aunt]; I’m sorting my career before considering wedlock
b. Get married? With all that spare on my dating site – you’re kidding, aren’t you?

So, next time you’re at that Christmas party and you just know that the ‘single’ question is a-coming, you have your set of answers to hand.

The sweet truth about sugar daddies

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As online dating sites cast off the dementors of their past and come well and truly into the light, so too the stigma is shed like an outgrown basilisk skin. As such, many dating site members become the brand’s best advocates when they meet someone online, fall in love and enter into an offline relationship, even marriage. Should you find your perfect partner online the monthly subscription fee you will have paid will certainly have provided a great return on your investment.

Using the US as an example, where matchmaking sites as we know them now have blossomed more than anywhere, compared to the somewhat dubious forefathers which earned the industry its distinctly tawdry reputation in the early days of the internet, between 2007-2009 20% of straight couples there met using online dating facilities. That’s a lot of free advertising and recommendation is perhaps the most successful and trustworthy form of marketing that there is.

The world of online dating is a vast marketplace with many niches; willingness to share one’s experience is not true, however, across the entire medium. Certainly, many members of the adult dating site niche may have professional or family-oriented interests that they wish to protect, hence play their cards very close to their chest when it comes to revealing where they have met their latest beau.

Well, that’s what one adult dating site host thought, but found a very different reason as to why he was not building brand recognition as he had hoped.

Seeking Arrangement is a site for Sugar Daddies and their younger, female relationship partners, Sugar Babies (you learn something new every day). The Sugar Daddy dating site has its roots in a yahoo discussion group but has developed, over time, into a stand-alone site for the young lady looking for the older lucrative male to share good times with.

Unlike other dating sites, given the clientele and the presupposition of the site, this is one community where, other than dating and (presumably) sex, a third prerequisite comes in to play. One in no way suggests that a frugal gentleman could not join in the fun, but one suspects that his pick-up rate would be considerably less than other members who are prepared to splash the cash.

What is troubling the webmaster is that almost 40% of his membership is keeping the details to itself; almost a half of that sector admitted to wanting to keep the fact that they were sugar daddies under wraps completely, no great surprise there. But what upset Brandon most, and, from his tone, he feels this on a very personal level, is that the mature men are keeping schtum because they want to ensure that the well of sugar babies never runs dry.

This level of ‘sugar selfishness’ personifies the genre, in dating site terms. If you are looking for long-term relationships, perhaps this is not the site for you. If the Daddies are looking for a bit of eye-candy to impress at social and professionals levels and are happy to lavish the lovelies from their considerable personal or expense accounts, this is more like it. And if the Babies are not looking for a serious relationship, just a good time moving in perhaps higher circles, this is an opportunity to get in at the deep end.

Surprised that the dating site membership comes across as selfish? Who are you trying to kid?

Online dating – the after work quickie

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As we recently reported, the days of the official ‘first date’ being a long, drawn out affair are in decline. The quick lunchtime date is growing in popularity as online dating members already know much about their prospective partner from their profile.

However, with no set times for lunch in the business world, a midday meeting can be impractical. There is a happy medium, however – somewhere between an all-out date and the lightning liaison of a lunchtime quickie – the after-work date.

The absolute best thing about a date after work, no matter what you have planned afterwards, you have the perfect opportunity to chill and have a beer or wine before you move on. You have to meet somewhere and it is worth researching a bar beforehand (oh, the hardship) that will set the tone for the evening. Stay away from dowdy ‘old men’s’ bars or those that, although cheaper, may attract characters who have wiled away the day there – you want to start out on a positive note.

The one good thing about meeting in a bar – if you are absolutely convinced the date is going to be a washout – there is no better place to make an absolute spectacle of yourself to put your date off forever!

if the drinks have gone splendidly, what next?

Both sports fans? Why not take in a game? Either go to one locally or head off to the sports bar to watch it, live. If conversation is short, as can be the first time you hook up with someone from your dating site, the game itself will throw up plenty to talk about.

If you’re nearby a city or large town, galleries and art museums often stay open until the early evening; use this to judge how culturally alike you are.

Shopping malls also stay open until late. An insight to fashion sense, shopping tolerance and how interested your partner is in your tastes will come to the fore. Most malls often have bars attached or are on commercial centres with restaurants to hand if you fancy extending the date into a meal.

A wonder around the park at twilight, with woods as a backdrop to the suns last hurrahs, can be a memory-making end to a first date.

And, as we approach Christmas, the many Bavarian and winter markets that descend from Europe can provide plenty to aid the conversation, and provide a snack and a drink as you’re huddled together with your hat and scarf as the chill bites as day turns to night with the seasonal setting bringing romance to within touching distance, if the mulled wine takes effect.

So, there we have plenty of options for your first brief encounter, bringing your online dating partner into your world, for just a glimpse of what’s to come.

Lunch-time dates – where and how

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It’s your first lunch-time date and you haven’t got a clue how to go about it?

Where do you go? What have you got to wear (if you have the option and aren’t confined to the uniform attached to your post)?

If you have any luck, you’ll have a few days to plan; what with arranging corresponding lunch-times and given the propensity for delays in communication with prospective partners logging on and off from their dating sites, it should buy you a few days to perform a couple of dry runs with discreet friends. Use this time wisely to check your options to optimise your time when the date rolls around.

If you’re a little unsure about your date, as in the person you intend to meet, and would like feedback from your office buddies (assuming that your date does not already know them) find a location where your colleagues can be discreetly positioned to keep an eye on proceedings and provide marks out of ten as you stroll back to the office together once the date is over.

You may have an establishment you already use in mind – this has its fors and againsts.

where everybody knows your name

If you choose a bar where you’re known to the staff and your date happens to be in situ when you arrive, what will they think when the barmaid starts pulling your pint of Stella before the door has closed behind you? This may lead to the impression that you frequent the bar on more than an ‘every now and then’ basis; whether you do or don’t, it may not be the impact you’re looking stamp upon a potential long-term partner.

The upside is familiarity. If you have reservations about your date, you can fall back on the comfort factor, knowing that there will at least be acquaintances in close proximity, should you need them.

A coffee bar is always a good place to meet for a lunch-time date. As well as alcohol usually not being an option, they’re very conducive to a conversational atmosphere. The only problem with this type of establishment is that you can never gauge how busy they’re going to be regarding seating and table space or how long you’re going to have to queue, bearing in mind you have to get back to the office. And getting a blob of chocolate-dusted cream on the end of your nose.

The other option for an informal lunch-time date is to meet up straight after work. This opens up a whole new set of options, but sticks to the genre of a relaxed liaison. More on that in the next article, meeting your online dating partner after work.

Better make it a quickie

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Tradition states that the first date is something a bit special, out of the ordinary and an event for which hours of planning and deliberation must be attributed to create that all-important first impression. But, then again, history dictates that meeting someone from an online dating community is a perilous notion (I can just see the Cholmondey-Warner documentary playing out now), but how that has changed in recent times.

The en vogue way to meet up with a prospective partner, especially if utilising a location-friendly application, is by fitting the first date into your lunchtime break.

The ideology of a bouquet of flowers, extravagant setting and pricey meal have all been trashed in favour of a mocha-latte, a sizzler or a friendly little tapas bar, depending upon the amenities close to your work-place. How as this transition happened?

Social media and online dating sites, whereby your profile is visible to those whom you permit to access it, help with a lot of the initial groundwork. Whereas, in the past, that first date was all about getting to know your fellow single, you already have an insight into what makes them tick.

Some dating site profile questionnaires, especially those dedicated to ‘matchmaking’ based on the criteria you enter, that  which forms your personality and what you are looking for in a possible mate, long- or short-term, ascertain more information about you than anyone from those bygone days would ever dream of asking on the initial meeting, wherever it was held.

Theoretically, you are already a comparable match and time-consuming fillers, such as asking about occupations, interests and hobbies, have already been gleaned from the dating website. Any prospective partner worth their salt should already have read, understood and digested this information about you to allow focus on the date itself.

The added bonus, of course, about dating in your lunchtime, is that there is a the reduced opportunity to lead to embarrassing situations at the end. Okay, if you feel a peck on the cheek appropriate or exchanging of contact details other than those to get you together initially, you may feel put on the spot before you head off back to the office.

But if your date has not gone as well as expected, you do not have to make any excuses whatsoever about moving on to somewhere else or coming in for a coffee or getting home if you’re abandoned in the middle of nowhere late at night. Your date knows you have to head back to work and that’s the end of it.

Lunchtime dates may not offer the glitz of The Ritz, but you can see why this slightly one better than speed-dating option is growing in popularity amongst the online dating crowd.

Getting the hang off dating

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In order for the human race to carry on as a species, our young adults must start to learn how to date sooner or later, otherwise they’ll be hanging around until the Grim Reaper is finally made unemployed.

So, it’s time to scrap the app, waste your wi-fi and get down to some serious one-on-one, back-to-basics good old fashioned lovin’!

For all of you guys and girls who don’t remember Sergio Tachinni from the first time around, this is how we used to do it, when Frankie was saying Relax, and chillax was twenty years away (too soon).

The female half of the prospective partnership would never ask the guy out. It was just not the accepted thing to do. At the risk of sounding desperate, a young lady may ask one of her closest friends to do it, if they were sick of waiting and had a big enough crush, but many a love’s young dream died in a pair of patiently clasped hands sitting in the lap of a puff-ball skirt, because asking out was a ‘man-thing’.

And on the subject of asking, the only thought of ‘poking’ a potential date was way, way down the line, certainly not something you would consider in advance. A guy and a girl were considered ‘an item’ when the man took the bull by the horns and strode up to the target and asked her our, direct. The tactic either worked, or it didn’t; no waiting around for the object of your desire to log onto their dating site or social media platform. You had your answer there and then. Or, the man sent the answer back with the go-between friend, who, in this analogy would be the e-mail or private message facility you would have in the dashboard of your online dating profile.

Some things have not changed. And this one, whatever social media or ways of matchmaking dating websites throw at us next, will always remain the same: don’t expect too much from your first date and you won’t be disappointed.

First dates should be all about getting to know your new partner. In our day, it was pretty much a blank canvas. For the Generation Y of today, it will getting to know what is not on their dating site profile or social media wall.

If you raise the bar too high first time around, you will not only make a fool of yourself if you don’t make the jump, but even if you do, to carry on in the same way is simply leading your partner down the path. Above all be yourself and keep it real.

So, here’s hoping for the title of grandparent, soon, when the kids of today can taking dating, as Michael would have said, ‘Off The Wall’.

Dating in the noose as hanging is in

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As reported earlier in the week, my nineteen year old step son has an aversion to dating. Not hat he has anything against women, and neither is he into men, but uncovering a romantic interest from his circle of friends, which is split more or less fifty-fifty male and female, is simply not on the cards.

There is plenty of documentary evidence on the internet to tell me that he is not on his own and this phenomenon is all too commonplace with ‘Generation Y’.

Online dating, once the provenance of the young and chic, has seen its most prominent increase in usage by those aged fifty-five plus in recent times, swiftly followed by the forty-five to fifty-four age group. Other than a true ‘matchmaking’ site, which takes ones characteristics, runs psychometric tests and analyses all other types of conundrums to pair couples, there is little to be gleaned from other types of online dating sites that you cannot get from other avenues of free social media.

The conclusion from this is, whereas in the past it would take weeks of seeing someone to get to know them by arranging dates with just the two of you outside your circle of friends, you can log onto their home page and discover everything instantly. The intrigue and mystique has all but gone, as you already have an opinion of a new friend before you have ever clapped eyes on them.

commitment is still a four-letter word

With such an array of talent available at the click of a mouse, flicking from one dating profile to the next, dropping PM’s or ‘crushing’ as many people who you think you may like on a dating site, the options are countless. What one dating site member has that a media socialite hasn’t can tempt you to leave as many doors of opportunity ajar as possible. Thus, the ‘C’ word, in this case ‘commitment’, never, ever gets a look in.

Even if two consenting young adults from the same group of friends do date, there is no longer the ‘taking sides’ when it all goes pear-shaped and the gang just returns to how it was before the ill-fated encounter. How times have changed! The retribution for letting ‘one of our down’ back in the day could last for weeks, if not permanently.

Industry, too, has backed this sentiment of lack of commitment from the younger generation up. However, it is job agencies and not online dating agencies who have taken the wrap in this instance.

Under recent financial constraints, the growth of the job agency has been unprecedented, with firms taking on staff on an ‘as needed’ basis. This has created something of a monster, as youngsters, now, are getting used to short-term stints with any one employer. With an emphasis returning to three and four year apprenticeships for school-leavers, we wish them luck, there.

What this will accomplish for the institute of marriage in years to come? Well, with fewer ‘Generation Y’ adults going on to get married, at least the divorce rate may eventually see a reversal in trend.

Spice up your love life

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Incontrovertible evidence tells us that more and more singles on the UK dating scene are utilising the myriad services offered by online dating sites to attract new mates. This is all well and good for the stealth agent, who can deliberate for hours on end, tweaking the many aspects of their online dating profile, which they have spent countless hours researching on other dating websites and blogs offering tips, guides and how-to’s.

The nett result is a formidable online persona, apt to engage the attentions of any target they please and successfully convert their efforts to enhance their entire online experience, enjoying the thrill of the chase as much as the actual date itself.

However, a study by one online dating facility, Doingsomething.co.uk, has revealed results that suggest this is where the creativity ends; when it comes to the task of taking the date off-screen into the real, wide world mundanity becomes as predictable as whether it’s the man or woman who gets the sticky bit to lie on after years of marriage.

dates that are too PC just plod on

For those who achieved regular success in winning dates online, they reported that 20 times a year, the first date would follow the exact same routine, even down to the permissible amount of alcohol socially condoned as allowed for this type of liaison.

That’s three glasses – no more, no less – if you were wondering. All I’ll say about that is that it’s a good job I’m married, now – how politically incorrect would my bottle of Thunderbird whilst I was getting ready be, nowadays? That may, however, explain why I didn’t actually tie the knot until my mid-thirties, but I digress: the format.

As well as a half of bottle of wine, the first date almost always incorporates Italian food of some designation, and we’re not talking a take-away from Dominos. The occasion was almost always on a Thursday or Friday night (the theory being that young revellers do not want to spoil their other chances by ditching the regular Saturday night hang out with their buds), and the protocol to signify the end of the transaction was a polite peck on the cheek.

Guys – you need to spice it up, somewhat; this tried and tested method no longer does the trick, according to the poll results, as only one in four first dates executed in this fashion led to a second off-line encounter. Rather, 3 out of 4 were sent packing, back off to trawl the internet to find out what went wrong and deliberate for hours how tweaking their matchmaking site profile will help them get to second base, next time.

The clue is in the question. The survey reported a better success rate for ‘out of the ordinary’ dates, like a walk or cycle in the park, perhaps throwing the ducks a few crumbs or seeing their captivated cousins in local zoological gardens – 9 out of 10 surveyed who were treated thus went back for second helpings, when offered a little something different from the menu for the first course.

Dating an alien concept to teens

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Is it just me, or does my step-son (and his closest group of friends) simply not seem bothered about dating any more? Long-term, short-term, nothing on the horizon; on the subject of burgeoning relationships we get not even an ‘ugh!’ in response, as was his wont when questioned about young ladies when in his earlier teens.

If we talk about driving lessons, online gaming, his new apprenticeship, a couple of pints and a game of darts, he’ll talk your head off for hours. But ask him if he’s seeing anyone? Zip. If there were frustration, as if he was trying but not getting anywhere, fair enough – he’s a good-looking lad. But no, not even that. He just doesn’t want to know.

When I was 19 and The Charlatans, Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, Jesus Jones and The Wonderstuff ruled the clubs and we frequented Picasso’s & Club UK, Wolverhampton, Ruskin’s in Lichfield, Regimes in Hanley (Stoke), Hacienda, Manchester & The Palace in Blackpool…well, if you didn’t pull in those places, you may as well have signed up at the local Monastery on Monday morning and be done with it.

My point is: that was what the weekends were all about! The M6 totty-trail, with Jeff Young’s Big Beat on in the Nova 1.4 SR on the way to The Colosseum in Stafford to begin proceedings on Friday night, after a real heavy start to the weekend in Wolverhampton on Thursday!

And, yes – our weekends did start on Thursday – Friday at work was little more than an inconvenience, a stepping stone between nights of dancing, passion and expectant dates in every town we stopped at between the West Midlands and Lancashire.

So what has happened in those two decades, since the dawn of rave and the Ibiza sound to the Generation Y we have now who, when not gaming inter-continentally, ‘crushing’ or ‘tweeting’, are just ‘hanging’ with members of the opposite sex, instead of dating the cheeks off of each other?

At least, as we enter this status quo, the precursor ‘grand-’ will not be abutting to our present titles of ‘mother’ and ‘father’ for a while a-piece.

Over the next couple of days, we’ll be looking at the reasons why the decline in teen-dating in the younger populous has been so dramatic and how much the effect of social media has had on today’s teenagers as the mystique of discovering boy- and girlfriends from years gone by has been dispersed on the four winds of time.

And how, as if by the casting of a global Patronus spell, the dementors that once shadowed the world of online dating have likewise been dispelled, enticing us all to potter around the corridors of dating sites, hog-warts and all.

From Russia, with love?

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Whether they want to escape the minus thirty temperatures and below that hit the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics every year or these stunning Russian singles are genuinely on the lookout for a Westernised gentleman, there’s no escaping the fact thirty online dating beauties intend to flit the country after showcasing themselves in Anastia.com’s Snow Angel beauty pageant. The dating site members who cast a vote get to chat online with their chosen beauty as well as seeing if their nominee wins first prize.

The competition, that began running Mid-November and will go on until Christmas, gives you the opportunity to vote for your favourite, hand-picked dating site stunner as soon as you arrive on the landing page, www.AnastasiaSnowAngel.com. There are three hopefuls per page and you choose your favourite of the three until you have filtered through all ten pages. Alternatively, the dating website gives you the option to see a thumbnail of all thirty contestants on one page.

In the run up to the yuletide festivities the matchmaking site has duly obliged by having all of the dating site hopefuls dress up in winter finery, with professional make-overs, to boot. If the temperatures do drop as far as some of the necklines, they really do want to be putting more clothes on than they have on in the thumbnails or face catching their death of cold.

are you prepared to go all the way on your dating site?

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Due to the fact that, as soon as you click on ‘see full profile’ you are prompted for lots more information about yourself, and a little slide up live chat facility presents itself with the caption, next to a blonde-haired beauty’s photo, ‘never married, fair-haired gray eyed’, I would no sooner enter my credit card details than would I place my naked genitalia into the mouth of a circus lion.

Maybe that’s just me, but the women looked just a bit too perfectly contrived, too similarly bedecked in (lack of) winter casual wear of the same brand and all presented with too professionally-shot dating site profile photos against the backdrop of the same studio set for all of the shots to make the ‘pageant’ believable.

There is, purportedly, the facility to share a live one-to-one web-cam chat and enter into translated e-mail correspondence with any of the women on the dating site; to enjoy this experience, however, you have to enter details that, unless you are serious about using the facility that the ‘Introduction and Romance Tour Company’ adult dating site has to offer (and I have no doubt that those services, should you accept an invite to take the tour, would be extremely adult in nature), you would otherwise keep to yourself.

Nevertheless, if you fancy traversing the Iron Curtain to vote for your favourite and see them sit at the top of the beauty contest Christmas tree next month, please carry on to the site and Putin your details on the forms provided.

philandering fireman falls foul following fat fetish friendship

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Talk about giving it large! Matt Kemp, a feisty fireman based in Chelmsford, cannot get enough of the larger ladies and was planning to marry one of the two he met on a dating site – until they found out about each other, that is.
No Battle of the Titans ensued; rather, the two largesse ladies became chubby chums after the wedding was cancelled, both freezing out the unfortunate fire-fighter.

25 year-old Amanda Hart, a mere twenty stone, compared to Matt’s twenty-two stone ‘bit’ on the side, 33 year-old Michelle Flack, truly thought that the fireman was the one, after he picked her out from other dating site profiles on matchmaking site Smooch. Amanda was under the impression that he did not mind the fact that she was so overweight, going on to say that she was even made to feel good about her excess poundage.

That was at the outset of the relationship; now, in hindsight, Amanda can see that Kemp, after making promises that she was the only one for him, can see that he only used her weight to control her. A similar promise was made to Michelle, as he told her he had no interest in slimmer girls and he like girls ‘the bigger, the better.’

It wasn’t like that after Matt and Amanda first met on the matchmaking site, though. Soon after meeting up and dating off-screen, Amanda moved Fleck in and they would cuddle and share pizza and one thing led to another and the wedding was being planned. They even went to visit the venue they had chosen to hold the reception.

However, unbeknown to the hopeful fiancée Amanda, Matt was already seeing Michelle. She is equally as reticent about the whole affair, as she was getting over a divorce when Matt approached her on the online dating pages. Making the excuse that he was working away in Chelmsford, the fireman would see her, but kept his engagement to Amanda secret.

It was only when Amanda turned up at the station to pick up Matt from one of his shifts that he was spotted with the larger of his two alternating dates, Michelle. The inevitable then happened – as Matt got into Amanda’s car, Michelle followed him and the whole plot unravelled; his fiancée said “I saw him with this other woman. A big woman – at least my size. My stomach churned.”

Following this earth-shattering event, the wedding was off and Matt was out and the two ladies have become friends, with the memory of their online dating nightmare merely a ghost from their joint past.

It’s hard to be alone at Christmas

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Longer nights, shorter days. Budget stretching holidays and waking up in the dark and coming home in the dark. Remind me again what is so festive about December?

Oh, yes – spending time with loved ones: family, friends and that special ‘significant other’. If you are struggling in the relationship department, a new survey by a dating site about singles attitudes towards what they really want in their Christmas Stocking from Santa reveals love is right at the top of The List.

And whether that’s just a superficial fling or not doesn’t seem to be important, either – rather, just someone there to share the roast, eggnog and carol service would appear to be enough. If that love interest is up and away by Boxing Day, then so be it. The mission has been accomplished if, on Christmas Day, you’ve got someone there to ask ‘Has he been?’

If you are single in the run up to Christmas, exactly what is there to look forward to? Sure, your parents or kids, depending on if you’re above or below the Cougar line, or a toy-boy or sugar daddy. But you know those family parties are only going to draw patronising ‘isn’t it a shame that you’re on your own again – at Christmas, as well’ from your Aunty Jean.

Nobody likes to be alone at this time of year – if for nothing else, just so you can get some presents to decorate the base of the Christmas tree. Guys and gals – it really is time to take that plunge on the dating site – if you’ve been building up to asking someone to go out on a date, now’s the time to do it! Not in two week’s time – get in in time to truly understand what’s on your prospective dating site partner’s wish list, this yuletide.

I know for a fact that there’s a Lisa Stansfield album in Staffordshire that’s never been played – I never got to know my partner and, because I liked the Northern Lass, thought my partner would, too. I bet it’s still got the cellophane on, now, almost quarter of a century later.

If you have been building up to pop the question on the dating site you frequent and you’re holding back due to the chance of rejection, don’t! The chances are they’re just as petrified of being alone around the Christmas morning, too. Not to mention the rounds of parties, via the office or family and friends – no one likes attending those without someone on their arm.

And can you imagine Christmas dinner? All those crackers being pulled between partners and you’re left with the one to pull with the dog, who’s sat by the table, waiting for scraps. Exactly!

Stop reading this – right now – and get logged on to your dating website. Spend a bit of time adjusting your dating site profile to get the availability message out that you like turkey but don’t want to be stuffed like one and instead of pulling crackers, get pulling some crackers!

Phone dating still a buzz

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Just when you think that ‘mobile dating’ means downloading the latest app to see who’s in your local vicinity or checking out someone’s QR code to see if their profile matches the screen on your iPhone, the traditional ‘phone call’ comes back with a vengeance, to prove that linguistics still have a big part to play in dating social media.

One company in Northern America, responsible for a whole array of direct calling networks, has just released it latest monthly figures and the results are quite astounding. Teligence, who run the RedHot Dateline service amongst many other varying types of phone chat, have reported that 16 million calls are made across their networks every month by its 2 million users.

These adult dating type services do have one distinct advantage over online dating sites, hence their popularity. With a dating website, your profile is your profile. On any given day, someone looking for love online will tick all of their required search criteria and, providing you match, you’re in with a shout of being pinged.

But us humans are emotive beggars – it’s dynamic fluctuations in feeling that separates us from the animals, right? Well, that and opposable thumbs which enable us to pick up a mobile to instigate a phone conversation that will help us relate our mood to another like-minded single.

What if you fancy a change? What if you want to step outside of that online dating persona that you have created? Do you create another profile? By the time you have achieved that feat, made it believable and actually interested people in the new you, you’ve expended that much energy doing so, you just want to crawl back inside the old you and make it all go away.

With phone dating, the anonymity means that you can be anyone you want to be when the mood takes you – you can indulge yourself for instant gratification. Teligence caters for broad sectors of the public to enable precisely that. Its figures show that 6% of men who use their services are there to speak to other males, whilst female to female conversations account for 50% – yes, half – of all calls instigated by women.

On internet forums and chat rooms, you leave a trace, a history. One crazy day can ruin months of hard work, attracting like-minded singles and building trust of those who you would like, eventually, to date. Phone dates, however, like Teligence’s services, which connect people in the same city to enable hooking up, can be done and dusted in hours, nobody other than the two (or three or four – there is the facility for group chat) any wiser and all home in time for tea. Not to mention dessert. x

Love on the go so app-ening

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It’s ‘appened to every one, at some point in time. You’ve arranged to meet up with someone, via a dating site or an e-mail in the office or by phone call (do people still ring for a date, these days?), and ‘something’s cropped up’ so they can’t make it.

Yep – you’ve been stood up. In the bar, dressed to the nines already, what do you do? All that anticipation, the extra time and effort you’ve put in to creating the right impression – gone to waste. Or is it?

Back in the day, long before iPhones, Androids and BlackBerry devices, if you saw that text, your night was only going one of two ways afterwards:

  1. think about the whys and wherefores of the cancellation at the bar until, after two hours of relating your problems to the uninterested bar staff, you get up to powder your nose and your legs collapse under the weight of the alcohol that you have consumed, or
  2. skulk off home, crack a few beers or bottle of wine, turn on the laptop and flame anyone who dares even contact you and send a rather impudent message across the dating site airways ready for your cancelling dater when next they log on

find instant love in the palm of your hand

However, that no longer need be the case if you’re one of the more ‘app-y-go-lucky type of person who can put the experience behind them, take the bull by the horns and go set about finding a new partner. And when and where better to start there and then?

If you have one of the afore-mentioned phones that has access to an App Store or market, you can now download apps that let you know of like-minded singles who could be in your neck of the woods at that moment.

Heck, they could even be in the same bar! Stranger things have happened.

Some of these apps are stand-alone downloads that work off their own platform and rely upon many people registering their information so that they can be contacted by anyone else who has the app and ‘app-ens to be within the vicinity.
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Originally designed as a business device, it has not taken the online dating community long to ad-app-t this feature to work for finding love in the palm of your hand, either. If you’ve been stood up, it’s the only way to end the evening?

But many website-based dating agencies have seen the opportunity as a route to this relatively new market. Combine the ‘instant success’ of dating apps that allow you to hook up with singles in your area with the current boom in dating site numbers and, Hey Presto!, the business aspect of these apps is well and truly ticked job done, without even breaking sweat.

Tap the app to tap into that potential that just app-ens to be on your doorstep!

Love by numbers

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Chinese dating fair yens for compassion

It was hardly a surprise that the numbers attending a recent dating fair in Shanghai exceeded all expectations, given that there are 180 million eligible singles living in the country as a whole.

The two day LoveExpo event, which had 10,000 tickets available for each day, attracted almost twice the amount over the weekend, with 18,500 present on the Saturday and an estimated 20,000 on the Sunday. The queues to gain access to the event were so long, any pretence of the festival turning into a love-in were soon dissipated, as angry mothers and hopeful and curious romantics threatened to petition The Mayor of Shanghai over the farcical arrangements.


Instead of waiting to enter the venue, organised by 40 of Shanghai’s dating agencies, many of the attendees took to pinning less-than romantic posters more like snippets of online dating profiles anywhere that they thought may be visible to a potential long-term partner.

With the expected number of surplus men in China expected to reach 24 million by the year 2020, it is little wonder that the practise of vetting potential son-in-laws is so rife.

There is an assumed responsibility in the country for the groom to buy their bride a new matrimonial home. With the average salary in the capital £5,000 per annum and the cost of a new home running at over £500,000, it seems that available brides will be hankered for by those on top salaries, with those single men at the lower end of the earning scale left with slim pickings.

In fact, only 38% of single women would even consider a ‘naked’ marriage, whereby a house and car wasn’t included in the deal. Compare that to UK dating, where the consensus of online dating site users is that they are just happy if their potential partner has a job; you can see the constraints that hold back free love in this pressure-oven of a city.

As a result, even if those bachelors were unable to attend the dating exhibition due to the heavy work commitments that living in Shanghai endows, their mothers went in their place to act as go-betweens. One hopeful 23 year-old single woman had between 20-30 mothers of bachelors approach her with their sons’ phone numbers

It does make you wonder how many women get left behind when it comes to dating in China, but one 27 year old explained how she was considered an old maid to still be unmarried. Having travelled 500km to attend the event in the hope of finding a long-term relationship, however, she would still not concede to accepting anyone, with her focus purely in men who could house any potential future marriage.

Another 61 year old woman, who attended the event behind her 34 year old daughters back, explained that her daughter would never use a dating agency and if she did happen to fall in love with someone beneath her standing, the family unit would “…step in and make sure she snapped out of it.”

So, unless you were one of the 5,000 couples who tied the knot in Shanghai on ‘Singles Day’, so called because of the numerical configuration of 11/11/11, you may have missed your chance with in the numbers game, unless you have several 0’s every month in your pay-cheque, that is…

Christian dating site and young adults group join forces

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ChristianCafe.com and Boundless.org provide convenient way for young adults to meet

On this side of the pond, dating sites are used by younger singles looking to make contact online to dip their toes into the water of discovering what relationships are all about. Yes, there are some UK dating sites where a focus on faith is pivotal to its nature, but any reference to faith in this country, rather than add leverage to its pulling power distances many sectors of the younger dating generation.

Whether that says more about our society or whether US faith-based society have learnt that good marketing is not a teaching from Beelzebub himself, I’ll leave you to decide.

The combination of ChristianCafe.com, a ‘God-honouring’ dating site (atheists need not apply) and Boundless.org, who take young adults under their wing, aims to teach age-groups who may be ignorant of the Bible’s teachings how to date well in God’s eyes.

Boundless, a subsidiary of Focus on the Family, already have a target audience for ChristianCafe.com; built up from it podcasts and online posts, these youngsters are already exposed to views regarding ‘biblical dating and relationships’ from a Christian point of view.

Not that this is a free dating service; it would seem that dues still have to paid, whether you have been groomed in the ways of Christian dating or just fancy signing up. As well as refreshing the message of the Bible and its teaching in the arts of love and romance in the eyes of God, the new partnerships has committed to ‘providing [young adults] with proven relationship advice.’

In addition, the joining of the two organisations believes that it is offering members “..another avenue for meeting, marrying and starting a God-honoring family in a way that’s culturally relevant yet still biblical and intentional.”

For existing Boundless readers, there is an additional one week free to run consequentially after the initial trial period.

If you fancy checking out the podcasts or articles issued by Boundless.org, you can sign up for a free weekly newsletter, here.

Alternatively, if you wish to go straight for that extra week’s free trial on top of the first ten days (7 free, + 3 for posting photos), go direct to ChristianCafe.com’s dating site and enter the promo code “Boundless” to qualify.

All very convenient, I’m sure you’ll agree.

White men can’t jump; black women don’t date often, either…

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report reveals black women are biggest losers on dating sites

There’s no disputing the facts, but, if you’re a black woman trying to attract a potential partner on a non-specific dating site, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Following the latest study of over 1,000,000 dating site members, the message is harsh, but plain: unless a black woman initiates contact, her inbox and dating journal are likely to be untroubled by romantic prospects.

Although few psychological insights were drawn as to why this was the case, the orchestrators concluded, in hindsight, that “…black women were the least likely group [based upon results] to be contacted…”

Professor Mendelsohn, one of the collaborators on the assignment, suggested that one of the possible reasons why this continues to be the case, as a similar 2009 study by a different, free dating site also concluded: ‘black women get the cold shoulder from everyone, including their black male counterparts’, is because of the prominence of white women in the portrayal of beauty in the US media.

No matter what race you are, social conditioning primes you to believe that female beauty = white lady.
(ed – !? – one word: Rhianna!)

26 year Aja Worthy-Davis, a political figure operating out of NYC, has experienced this ignorance first hand.

On her experience of another prolific matchmaking site, she empathised with the findings from the recent report. Of the three men she met up with off-line during her membership, she initiated contact in all instances; one of those liaisons, with an unnamed Russian gentleman, flourished into a relationship that lasted almost two years. Now in a long-term relationship with a former high-school classmate, she still feels that the time spent with the dating website worthwhile, adding “…it is a good way to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people.”

On the other side of the coin is the argument that perhaps many black women who join a dating community tailor their profiles so as to not attract unwarranted attention from outside of their race. Whether a sub-conscious psychological force comes into play, whereby many black women strive to sustain the heritage of the black family is undecided.

Ron Worthy, a spokesman for Blackpeoplemeet, acknowledges this burden. He, goes as far as to concede that many educated black women, in order to maintain thoroughbred roots, will “marry down” to a black guy who is not their socioeconomic equal.

This theory was also backed up by Professor Mendelsohn’s study of 1,000,000 dating site users, which observed that ‘although black women were much more likely than their white counterparts to contact someone of another race, they still primarily sought to contact black men.’

So, if you’re a black lady joining a run-of-the-mill dating site, be prepared to start firing out those invitations to get that ball rolling. As per Aja’s experience, it is worth making that all-important first move, nyet?

Police warning for dating site members

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Be on the lookout for dating site stalkers

Police in London have reminded members of matchmaking sites to be extremely careful to whom they surrender their personal information. This warning is issued as an investigation starts by the Met in London into claims that a man began inappropriately following a lady he had met on a dating site, then began to stalk her across the internet, including her facebook page.

As the popularity of dating websites grows as a medium for both young and mature singles alike as a place to begin the initial contact process of a relationship, members of the constabulary have very real fears over online safety.

There concern lies at the heart, the magnet, of the online search for romance as they single out free dating sites as a potential hotbed for ‘sex offenders to carry out their criminality undetected’.

Many, many members of the online dating community have dipped their toes into the waters of free dating sites before taking the plunge and upgrading to a paid matchmaking site. Whilst the need for this type of service is recognised, police warn that without security checks and the necessity to enter credit card information, who is to say that the potential date you have lined up is either who they say they are or do not have a criminal background in relate offences?

This is very much a catch 22 situation. Even though the online dating community has worked hard to cast off the seedy image, which haunted it in its early days, many potential online romantics still have massive doubts about entering their credit card details online when there is nothing obvious to pay for, upfront.

The latest investigation follows the conviction of man in October who was jailed for four months after posting sexually explicit images of his partner online and then invited her nearst and dearest to view them, via e-mail.

It also coincides with the first anniversary of the Beatbullying organisation’s march on Downing Street to improve awareness of the need for online security, not just for the dating community but for children and the social media generation, at large. Almost 1,000,000 petitions were delivered to deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

The issue, it seems, is not the need for a new law to monitor cyber-stalking, but enforcement of the ones in place.

In theory, anyone looking for love online should be able to post as much about themselves in order to attract a potential partner without the fear of retribution. In place, we have at least four laws to protect us from abuse, online line:
• Electronic Communications Act 2003,
• the Harassment Act 1997,
• the Computer Misuse Act 1990, and
• the Malicious Communications Act 1988

Sadly, these laws only make the headlines when someone is convicted of violating one of the acts; the first official prosecution was in 2008 for facebook harassment and, more recently, a troll was jailed for his evil attacks o innocent parties on social networks.

Even the police admit, “the majority of clients are unlikely to have ulterior or dubious motives for using dating sites,” although, next time you choose to join an online personals site, it is worth considering the added security that a paid dating site delivers over a free one, until the tru.ly app is developed for global usage.

The net dating effect

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30-something Canadian recounts paid vs free dating site trial

When one considers online dating as a viable option, the next hurdle is deciding whether to throw a little capital at the venture or dip one’s toe into the shark infested free dating service pool, first.

For one unfortunate Canadian thirty-something, it soon became apparent that all that glittered were certainly not goldfish as shoals of fishy dates flooded his inbox. With Spanish aplomb, he’d cast a net and caught way more than he’d bargained for.

Although the young man was apprehensive about dating online at first, following some extensive investigative research he finally made the decision to swim with fishes at a paid, well-known online dating agency, first.

(That’s the last of the sea puns, promise)

Like so many of us, working full time in the suburbs of a large city environment leaves precious little time for dating in the conventional manner, as we try to build our careers, keep up with our daily ports of call on social media sites and try and find time to eat and sleep in between.

Based on the theory that a paid service would offer a better class of online partner, and the relative reviews confirmed as such, he decided to shell out a cool CAN$137.85 for a three-month membership.

The whole process of shelling out for the privilege, filling in the extensive questionnaire about his own likes and dislikes and offering very little in the way of his ideal match took a whole hour. given the scant information submitted for a potential partner, the plucky guy expected to yield between 30-40 responses for the effort.

He actually got almost 10 times that amount, with 296 hopeful dating partners responding to his initial posting!

During the first week, he managed to whittle a whole one percent of those into date material, going out three times; none of the three materialised past that initial liaison, however. The remainder of that first month went swimmingly, with more ever-hopefuls responding, but, by the end of this period, his ‘matches’ dried up, with the dating site offering ‘flex’ matches – sort of close, but no cigar-type potential online partners.

After a month of these requests by the dating site, this guy from Toronto stopped accepting even those.

It was at this point he stopped using the site; after the four-step process of guided communication, leading up to an off-line date, he felt getting to know someone utilising a matchmaking software template felt ‘abnormal’.

Not to be disheartened, the next challenge was a free dating site, to see if he faire any better on that platform.

In contrast, it took about two minutes to register, and the exposure was instant, with matching profiles from his area festooned over his dashboard. There was no hand-holding by the free site and it felt more like ‘meeting someone in a public place’. Of course, this does lead to a decline in the level of security, which in his summary the young Canadian does point out.

But the upshot is, he had two fantastic dates from the free dating site compared with the more well-known matchmaking website; what’s more, he is still dating the second of those acquaintances in a real offline romance.

The nett effect is, free dating sites give what you put into them; there are potentially more profiles to sift through, but, as with his experience in the first dating site, splashing the cash is no guarantee of quality.

Lake all at sea following online dating disaster

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It seems that celebrity guarantees no immunity when it comes to being swept off your feet by an online dating romance. However, star-status does not guarantee success as Dancing with the Stars contestant Ricki Lake reveals how, having been caught up in a whirlwind romance with a British gent she met via a dating website.

The mother of two, from her previous marriage to Rob Sussman, revealed to Newsweek magazine in a recent interview how, in her desperation to be with ‘someone’ for her birthday she almost made the biggest mistake of her life.

Although her friends warned her about the dangers of dating online, given her public status, she ignored her own reservations, too, exposing herself to all sorts of potential ne’er-do-wells who may take advantage.

And this is exactly what transpired.

The Brit, whom Ricki has not named, didn’t take long to weave his magic on the TV star. After only six weeks, her transformation under his spell was so complete she couldn’t even recognise herself in the mirror.

It was a month and a half where she was literally blinded by her new online love; the fact that he would order the most expensive item on the menu and be nice to her children to their faces but whinge to her staff when they were not around all went unnoticed as he built up her confidence.

So infatuated was she that she even had sessions with an immigration lawyer vis a vis obtaining his green card and even flew across the pond to meet his mother here in the UK with a view to getting married.

When it transpired that his online dating profile, in fact his whole demeanour, were only targeted to his attempt to gain a green card, his abuse of her status and the string of lies he’d thread Lake’s house of cards came tumbling down.

As if she needed confirmation, the day after Lake dumped the fraudster, she saw him in an intimate pose on facebook with one of her extended circle of friends.

She has not let the experience be wasted, however, and has learnt much from the lesson, one which all dating website members across the world can all benefit from.

Looking for love on line is not about simply looking for someone, it is looking for the one.
You have invested your time and effort to portray yourself in as true a nature as possible and you owe it to yourself to do that investment justice.

But guys, if you’re thinking you stand a chance, Ricki Lake is well and truly off the market, having found love since in the shape of Christian Evans

Desperation deadline date defunct

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Buried deep in the mythology of dating land is the ‘three-day rule’ – the supposed time a gentleman is expected to wait before approaching a lady following their first date. There are quarters that believe this is an outdated prerequisite, if it was ever valid at all.

Whether you agree with the rule or not, one thing is for certain – the three day dating waiting rule has been bisected, according to a new study of 200,000 singles interviewed after their first online match-up.

Admittedly, the rule was conceived in a time when suitors were restricted to land-lines and Royal Mail post if you wanted to follow-up in writing and was embedded into folklore by reference in the film ‘Swingers’.

How times have changed – with dating sites coming from beneath the shadow that dogged their image for years and social media moving at such a pace, both with its advance in technology and the speed with which it allows communication, the mythical three day rule has been banished to legend forever.

So, what is the new accepted follow-up waiting time, following your first date, whether you have met via a matchmaking site or, shock, horror, actually met without using online dating as your medium?

The precise time is 1.52 days, but we’re splitting hairs by not calling it one and a half days. This comes as a relief for so many men who have adhered to the rule with amazing regularity, it seems. The news also brings with it a breath of fresh air with it, as it transpires most women set no stall by the old yardstick and have often wanted men to get in touch sooner, rather than later, if that first date went well.

With so many platforms to get in touch with a potential partner outside of the dating site arena, it may be somewhat surprising that over a half of first-time daters prefer to be contacted by text. The traditional phone call also still fares well, with 3 in 10 men opting for actually talking the other half of their new found relationship their preferred choice.

However, the best advice, regardless of polls and opinions is to follow up when you thin the time is right. If you have made a real connection on that first date, you will instinctively know when to make that call, send that text, PM on your dating site, share, like or tweet.

Boy, am I glad I’m married? I wouldn’t know my Harris Poll from my Spanish Archer…

Dating sites insight to true romance 2

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who do you think you are?

As more of our spare time is expended on line, the internet, dating sites in particular, have become a hotbed of data for collators of information appertaining to human psychology.

Very few platforms entice us to divulge as much of our private lives as matchmaking sites. However, cutting between the exaggerations on dating site members’ profiles to ascertain truths worthy of inclusion in the evaluation was key to providing meaningful results.

If you are just about to join your first dating site, or are a seasoned user sick of meeting partners who do not live up to the billing, some of the tactics used by the scientists assessing over 1,000,000 online dating profiles may come in handy. We’ll look at those in more depth in part three of this series.

This is not a brand new phenomenon – science and dating sites have been bed partners before, where similar techniques were used in the design and development of chemistry.com. The advantage of using real-life testimonials over those induced under ‘theoretical’ conditions is that the background context is both more credible and allows access to volumes that would be unfeasible, otherwise.

Although the study concentrated mainly on heterosexual blossoming relationships, being more representative of the online dating community as a whole, a separate study did reveal a higher propensity towards meeting online for same-sex partners, with over 60% hooking up via a matchmaking facility, compared with a fifth of heterosexuals, which in itself is still a sizeable amount.

Before we look at how the scientists broke down the information to decide who was telling porkies, here’s just a few of the traits that you can expect any potential online partner to divulge via their profile.

Their were some outlandish exaggerations of the truth but, after members of an online dating site agreed to be measured, there was a definite pattern revealed in the online representation and the reality.

Concerning weight, both sexes came up light, online; for women, their dating profile self was over half a stone lighter than the reality, whereas men were a little more accurate, being just a couple of pound heavier in the flesh.

Height was more accurately gauged, although men did tend to add an extra half-inch; no change there, then.

And age, surprisingly, was the least lied about aspect; however, the profile photos of females tended to be taken 18 months ago, compared to their male counterparts’ shots being a third of that, at only six months old.

So, next time you’re perusing potential partners online, the camera may not be lying, but are you checking out archive footage?

Dating sites insights to true romance 3

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dating site profiles unveil secret fingerprint

Following one of the biggest ever reports by data scientists evaluating dating site profiles and the accuracy of the details contained therein, we have a better insight than ever into the make up of matchmaking site members.

If you’re new to online dating, getting started in itself can be an uphill task – the last thing you need is having your confidence shattered by falling for someone whose representation of themselves is deliberately misleading.

It has been recognised that the temptation to shed a few pounds on your dating profile or use a not-so-up-to-date photo is too great for many to resist; however, there are unscrupulous singles whose vivid imaginations can paint a picture altogether unlike the real them. The researchers used sophisticated software to assist analysis of the syntax that broke down elements to highlight patterns to help identify those who may be leading you up the garden path.

There are several reasons attributed to why some members feel they have to lie about themselves in order to attract their target partner. One of the reasons dating site members lie on their profiles was akin to ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ – after looking at similar dating profiles, some singles seeking to attract a partner would bend their profiles to meet the expectations of the people they were trying to attract and ‘one-up’ themselves over the competition.

This has had a positive effect for some members of the dating site community. If they have identified a need to make themselves more attractive to a particular group, rather than consistently lie about it, they have actually looked to self-improve to attain the necessary stature to meet those requirements.

Liars use a certain language, too, both in the words they use and the emotions expressed. Sentences tend to be shorter and, rather than develop aspects of their character that other dating site members may find attractive, their profile is dotted with negatives, like ‘not’ and ‘never’. However, when expressing emotions, that negativity disappears, with a distinct lack of reference of feeling sad or upset. If they do, they tend to use the third person – all of which points to a distancing of them with the real them.

Other surprising findings from the study reveal that we are not perhaps the close-knit multi-racial society we think we are. Over 80% of approaches made to other singles by white members were to other whites. The black community, however, were far more likely to initiate contact with whites.

And guys who spend every other night in the gym may want to think about revoking their memberships. Women prefer men who are tall, will make allowances for a little extra poundage but, most of all, the pounds in the wallet are what really counts. So, gents, if you’re working out to get a woman, save your pennies!

Men, on the other hand, were more eager to respond to women slightly underweight with a less domineering physique.

And, lastly, to increase your chances of a long-term relationship, keep your political preferences to yourself. True – most long-term relationships show that the couples therein bat for the same party.

Captain’s log – Virgin star date

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Millionaire launches search for a date in space

Everyone who uses online dating sites has an inkling of what their first date is going to be incorporate. More than likely, the liaison is planned down to the town, the restaurant -probably even the meal itself (goodbye, garlic).

To ensure that first impression is nothing less than memorable success, you‘ve acknowledged already that the budget may have to be stretched a little. But does anyone looking for love on line ever really dream that the hunt for their perfect partner will find them ready to lavish out $200,000 – per head – on the first date to ensure that the foundation for building a long-term relationship is well and truly laid?

Mm, perhaps not. But that money is already in the bag for one lucky lady on one of the more upmarket adult dating sites, http://www.multimillionairedate.com.

Bryan Christopher, a 38-year old millionaire from Ohio, has already splashed out for two tickets on board Sir Richard Branson’s scheduled adventures into space, but is yet to secure a partner for the jaunt Via the exclusive singles site, Christopher is looking for an ‘…adventurous, beautiful woman” to accompany him onboard Virgin Galactic’s Space Ship Two, when the first flights are confirmed, provisionally set for 2012.

Christopher will hope to join Branson and his wife, Joan, on the flight; he was inspired by a recoding made by the Virgin founder, who expressed his desire to run the gauntlet of emotions with his wife that is experienced by the thrust of G-force, floating weightlessly in space and sharing the once-in-a-lifetime experience of looking down on Earth, from space.

If the first date is successful, Mr Christopher is not ruling out a repeat performance.

When asked if his eventual online date will be expected to share a 2suit, a garment that unravels to accommodate two people, and then re-fastens using zips and Velcro for any couple looking to diminish space between them in orbit, he admitted that this tactic might be stretching the boundaries for a Virgin date.

Sir Branson himself has had experience in this field, admitting that he joined the mile-high club as a teenager. However, it is unlikely he would have imagined back then that he would be presenting the opportunity to entrepreneurs of the future on his own fleet of bed-lined aircraft at the time.

So, the moral of this story is: don’t under-sell yourself when setting yourself up for your first online date. If you’re lucky enough to land a millionaire, the sky really needn’t be the limit.

Ready to date off-line?

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Dating site reviewers are seeing more and more signs that, as busy professionals content themselves with online relationships rather than fit in a ‘real’ love life, many are forgetting to speak the language of love.

As recently reported, one of the biggest errors made by dating site members when approaching a potential new partner is use of incorrect grammar, punctuation and tone. But having a perfect patter in word processor does not necessarily equip you with the tools of the trade when your budding on-screen romance leaves the virtual arena and becomes reality.

Given that your newfound online love agrees to meet up, following a glittering array of compliments you have bedazzled them with in Verdana, Courier New or Arial Narrow, whichever font is the barrel from which your love-bullets are fired, your date is not going to be impressed if you turn up at the restaurant with a Kindle.

No sirree – it is time to put away the keypad, and let your body do the talking. If you have forgotten how to construct a sentence in the language of love, here are a few prompts to help you give the ‘backspace’ button a rest.

• positivity

o assuming that your date has gone to exceptional lengths to look as stunning as possible, you should immediately tell them so. If their first impression of you is being awestruck as they approach, and not either looking at your watch or answering your mobile, then you’re off on the right foot.

• focus

o when arranging that first date, take a while beforehand to predict any eventualities that may interrupt it. If your date can only make it on a certain day, and that’s either your duvet-day or 5-a-side night, make sure your usual crowd are informed. Your date must remain the centre of attention, the whole time.

• responsibility

o if you are the gentleman of the party, remember your social graces. Do open doors for your lady, pull out the chair (practise if you’re rusty!) at the dining table and, distance permitting, do ensure she gets home safely. If you’re the lady, do insist on buying a drink, even if he insists on paying the bill; not only will it endow an air of independence, but also reinforces your positivity.

• tokens

o memories are great, but after a first date, it is imperative to prolong that bond until the next time you meet, either on a second date or back on your dating website. Take along a little something that is very ‘you’; if all has gone well after the date, slip it into their hand (careful!) as a keepsake.

• connectivity

o there is nothing as reassuring as physical contact – even the deftest of strokes, gently clasped hand or a fingertip on the elbow as you whisper your first sweet nothing! Be extremely cautious in assessing this situation beforehand – you do not want to come across as being too forward – however, if there is a good enough rapport, handled correctly, that first contact can overcome psychological barriers.

So, there we have it. Parlez-vous les mots d’amour, mes amies? Oui, bien. À demain, adieu. x

Is it me you’re looking for?

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One of the absolute maxims you must keep to the fore to improve your online dating site success rate is to get your profile in order, from the off.

Before you even register with a new dating service, have your profile typed out, spell-checked and formatted in your computer’s word-processing software. Recent research has proven that mis-spellings and poor grammar are one of the biggest reasons that your queries do not get responses. Allegedly, it shows a lack of care from the individual, both of themselves and towards the person with whom they are attempting to initiate their online relationship. So getting your words right is paramount, to getting that ball rolling.

Once you have found the vehicle(s) of your choice, whether it be a subscription dating site, a free one or even a more risqué adult dating website, the first impression a potential partner is going to have of you is gleaned from the description you choose to put below, above or behind your photo.

There are many reasons to make this interesting, truthful and eye-catching.

The first is simple enough – you do not want to have to keep amending your profile every time you log on to your dating site. You know who you are – your time browsing should be spent answering private messages that your wit, charm and super-model looks have invited, and looking for other singles dating on the site.

Not only that, but also, if you keep chopping and changing the ‘about me’ section, and the tales you relate do not seem to align with the rest of your personality, a potential partner who may have been building up the courage to approach you may well be put-off, questioning the authenticity of your profile.

If one aspect is exaggerated, how does someone looking in on you know any differently about other aspects of your personality that may have been stretched?

The temptation can be, when browsing the competition (we’ve all done it) to see an aspect of their make up that you covet. Next thing you know, a bit of creative editing, and you were at Cambridge with Joanna Lumley, just before you took a year out to missionary work in Africa and then went on to help them build a new home on the moon.

Okay – that’s stretching it a little, but the point is, if you are unwittingly copying a fallacy, it is both noticeable and, more likely than not, it will not match the rest of your profile, therefore stand out for all of the wrong reasons.

Honesty is the best policy, after all. Just because the void of cyber-space lies between you and a potential long-term love online at present, unless you are content with the relationship remaining virtual forever, at some point you are going to meet up.

Singles online, looking for a soul-mate, will not take kindly to time wasters; if you arrange to meet and your partner has turned up on the pretences of your profile and find them not to be true, not only will you have an awkward date (if they stick around), but you know the first thing they are going to do when they return home is boot up the lap-top and deride you in front of the whole dating community, thus potentially damaging your chances with someone who cares for the real you.

In your dating profile, emphasise the things that are truly important to you. In all successful relationships, there is compromise, but some things mean too much to give up for anyone. Be clear with your information, use a suitable tone and avoid negativity. If your profile sounds miserable, is anyone likely to approach you on a date?

Keep it real for the best long-term results.

Why not join the e-love-ution evolution?

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Social Media – love it or hate it, it is undeniably here.  To stay.Long before our lives were dominated by the facebooks and Twitters of this world, even way back to the dawn of Friends Reunited (remember them), there were online datingsites.Once upon a time, when you had to unplug your phone to obtain a dial-up connection to even access the internet, if you accidentally let slip that you’d spent the previous evening checking out your perfect match on an adult meeting site, that comment would be followed by a look of suspicion, nay, disgust.  From the very look in your co-respondent’s eyes you could deduce them summoning, in their mind’s eye, visions of long overcoats, thick bifocals and park benches.

And to top it off, when you attempted to return to your ‘seedy little stomping ground’, after waiting for fifteen minutes to re-connect via dial-up, you were apt to find a nasty little virus had crippled your 64kb of RAM via a pop-up ad, thus requiring a trip to PC World and praying that the ‘tech-guys’ didn’t check your cache and discover what you’d been up to.

By the frosty reception when you returned, some seven days later, you knew that you’d been sussed.

Thankfully, looking for love on line no longer has this stigma attached and is, like bingo, one of the en vogue ways to spend your browsing time.  In fact, if you have not frequented at least one free online dating agency, your peers will probably emphatically encourage you to do so.

Yeah, Bingo – what next?  Cougar dating sites?  Enough said…

So, what has happened to bring online personal sites out of the gutter, well, into your gutter, technically speaking?

A recent report dispels some of the myths that diehards still see haunting the world of online matchmaking and offers some explanation as to how finding your perfect partner on line is suddenly the fashionable thing to do.

In a nutshell, social media has broke down many of the barriers inherent to meeting people on line.  A friend may have recommended you join them on their site; before you know it, you’re conversing with their friends, either ‘following’ them, actually ‘liking’ them or joining ‘circles’ of other online users with similar interests to yours, including dating forums and chat rooms.

It seems only natural, then, that this online relationship is taken a stage further.  Whereas, previously, you may be talking very much on a one to one basis, there is definitely more of a community feel nowadays, offering a greater sense of protection, than in years gone by.

Especially with greater verification methods, such as tru.ly’s new app, currently in beta in the US, which draws on government records to avoid any falsification of dating profile information.

Expectations are also different; even though online dating accounts for a larger proportion of marriages than ever, such sites are often used for casual relationships, too.

So, what’s stopping you?  Join the e-love-ution evolution – before all the good ones become extinct!