Dating can be an arduous task at the best of times; an elite small percentage can just do it, whereas many of us have to build up tentatively, uncertain of how the ground lies, even more uncertain of ourselves. This is never more true than after exiting a long term relationship.
Whether it is marriage we’re talking or having lived with your ex in a common-law partnership, it has possibly been a while since you’ve been on a date and wonder if you want to put yourself through the mill yet another time, just to be hurt again some way down the line.
Here are a few guidelines to get you back into the swing of things and eliminate some of the issues that may lead you to jump out of the frying pan into the fire…
Time to move on
When you’re on that first date, even if you have been communicating fluently and for a period of time over your dating site forum, it is inevitable that conversation will stall at some point during the occasion.
Do not use tales about your ex to bridge those awkward silences. The first signal that falling back onto that topic will send out is one of pining for your lost love. Can you imagine being with someone on the first date and, the moment you’ve said your piece and they theirs, they start comparing your answers or mannerisms to their recently divorced partner? Not fun – you imagine what they’re going to be comparing next…
Don’t you be the one to make your new partner think that they have to compete on every level with your ex – that’s a sure-fire way to guarantee your relationship ends the moment that first date draws to its natural conclusion, if not before.
Focus on your partner and the date itself
If your date has read the ‘tips for a first date‘ handbook (of which there are thousands online), they will have gone to extreme lengths to get their look just right for the occasion. That’s everything from hair and general attire to the time, setting and location.
Nothing will quite kill the mood and atmosphere if you start talking about what a pain your three year old son Billy was at nursery or why your department at work is not hitting its sales target.
Yes, you may have had the day from hell, but leave it roasting in the fires of Hades and celebrate this moment and the possible paradise to which it may lead.
Continued in Get back on track after breaking up 2